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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH accepted a new job offer 100 quid less per week but says it will eventually advance his career...

356 replies

Cruella78 · 25/08/2022 13:08

DH went back to college & studied a field related to his career... He recieved a job in his new field but the salary is 100 quid less per week that we can't afford!! He says that the salary will increase & also that he will have greater earning potential I the future... Aibu to feel uneasy about this? It feels risky.. His old salary was 80k per year & I am a sahm as I don't want to pay a fortune in childcare & we have no family support...

OP posts:
Original poster
Cruella78 · 25/08/2022 18:31

Teddeh · 25/08/2022 16:34

I voted YANBU, because while I think what your husband has done is likely completely reasonable, it sounds like you're feeling anxious and unsure about it. Could the two of you sit down and talk about finances and the future, some time when you're both a bit relaxed and have some privacy? It might also be a good chance to talk about your going back to work, as you're thinking about it.

I switched fields in my late '20s, a different situation as I didn't have children at the time and I hadn't formally retrained, but I also took a pay cut to move to my new field. There are exceptions, but it's pretty common to have to "prove" yourself again and show you can do the specific work and demonstrate that you have experience in the new field. A lot can carry over from prior experience, but not everything. I moved from investment banking to financial technology, and did my "retraining" on the job - it took me about 18 months to get established in my new field but it was worth it. (I was a bit anxious at the time that the deviation in salary would look odd or negative to future employers who'd judge me before I had a chance to explain it, and occasionally it does, but most employers are much more flexible and understanding about non-traditional career paths than they were even 10-15 years ago).

For your own work/career/reentry plans, there's a "Back to Work" board here on MN, with lots of good advice and support about things like writing a CV, getting references, boosting self-confidence, retraining, etc. after being out of the formal job market for years (mostly SAHMs, but some others) - you might find it helpful: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/going_back_to_work

Thanks so much for the link, I didn't realise. I'll get on this tonight. Appreciate all the advice & taking it on board.

OP posts:
Enko · 25/08/2022 18:37

OP I have sent you a PM re job suggestion

Anothernamechangeplease · 25/08/2022 18:38

Hats off to you, OP, for taking the comments and suggestions on board. So rare in AIBU.

As an employer, I rate the ability of staff to take on board feedback without being defensive about it as a really valuable quality.

Sylvaniandream · 25/08/2022 19:00

I appreciate that people live according to their means, so a drop in wages is a worry, BUT I only went back to work full time a year ago. My DH is also full time. We have 3 kids. We earn NOWHERE NEAR 75k between us. I have been working in support roles in schools... TA, after school clubs etc. Virtually no qualifications required in many areas as they just can't fill the vacancies, plus supermarkets are crying out for staff in many areas, so to say you can't get a job is a load of rubbish. I was a sahm for 6 yrs when my husband was on not much more than minimum wage. If you need to downsize/ ditch one car/ stop holidays for a few years/ sell your kids' old toys etc and buy second hand, then that's what you do. I feel rather frustrated to read someone who chooses not to work is worrying her husband's wage will drop temporarily from 80 to 75k. You are DEFINITELY being unreasonable, especially as you would only have to work part time yours to make up the shortfall. Get a grip.

Boreded · 25/08/2022 19:06

Ffs…there is always one.

if you need 100 a week that badly, take on a Saturday job whilst he is off.

I’ll bet you don’t want that 100 a week if you have to get it from Tesco or Primark.

WTF475878237NC · 25/08/2022 19:10

You missed the OP's post about shift work? There is a handy link to read all posts by the OP which would answer all your questions.

Seriously this is yet another Cancel the Cheque

^ indeed!

There are going to be another 20 pages bashing the OP even after she's got a job!

Flumo · 25/08/2022 19:14

While your child are at school definitely get yourself some qualifications, best thing I ever bit. Absolutely love my job now and the kids have seen how hard I've worked. You'll get to the stage where the kids are about anymore and you'll regret not having something to put your mind on.

ValerieDoonican · 25/08/2022 19:22

Anothernamechangeplease · 25/08/2022 18:38

Hats off to you, OP, for taking the comments and suggestions on board. So rare in AIBU.

As an employer, I rate the ability of staff to take on board feedback without being defensive about it as a really valuable quality.

Seconded! 👏👏👏

Glittertwins · 25/08/2022 19:29

Good luck @Cruella78, if you're that determined then you will succeed

TaraRhu · 25/08/2022 19:55

You are stressing over £60 a week when you have £75k coming in! Come on! You won't even notice it!

SmileyClare · 25/08/2022 20:48

There's such a quick turnaround on this thread. Op posts at 1pm with her issue over her husband's earnings, by 2pm she's researched job vacancies locally, joined a recruitment agency and is writing a cv.

I'm amazed finding a way to earn the shortfall yourself didn't occur to you before it was suggested here? Unless you were just making excuses to yourself why working was not an option?

It's understandable you might have lost confidence in your earning ability after being a sahm for ten years. Didn't your husband suggest working? Is he going to be supportive of you finding a job?
I'd advise discussing the logistics with him; including sharing some of the responsibility for your dc in the event of illness, appointments, inset days, holidays, events such as sports day, parents evenings and so on as well as his view on using some sort of after school or wraparound care.

LouLou198 · 25/08/2022 20:55

What makes you think you couldn't manage on 75k? My dh will never earn that between us. What are your outgoings? What can you easily cut back on?

Original poster
Cruella78 · 25/08/2022 23:43

SmileyClare · 25/08/2022 20:48

There's such a quick turnaround on this thread. Op posts at 1pm with her issue over her husband's earnings, by 2pm she's researched job vacancies locally, joined a recruitment agency and is writing a cv.

I'm amazed finding a way to earn the shortfall yourself didn't occur to you before it was suggested here? Unless you were just making excuses to yourself why working was not an option?

It's understandable you might have lost confidence in your earning ability after being a sahm for ten years. Didn't your husband suggest working? Is he going to be supportive of you finding a job?
I'd advise discussing the logistics with him; including sharing some of the responsibility for your dc in the event of illness, appointments, inset days, holidays, events such as sports day, parents evenings and so on as well as his view on using some sort of after school or wraparound care.

I never said I was writing my cv, I said I was going to have to get a cv together as I don't have one... I didn't join a recruitment agency, I rang one for a chat to see what I needed to do to put myself in a position to become employable again 🙄

OP posts:
Lunar270 · 26/08/2022 00:07

Cruella78 · 25/08/2022 13:39

Sorry I'm digressing a bit... Just wondering I guess if anyone did similar & did it pay off in the end... Dc aged 7 & 10.

Yes but at a time when my salary was much lower but two kids of a similar age.

I left a job 18 years ago at £34k with no commute (walkable from home) to a job earning £28.5k and a 60 mile/day commute. After 4 years I was earning £40k and now I'm over six figures. Engineering too, although running my own business nowadays.

My original job may have reached £50k by now but nothing close by comparison.

The difference between £80 and £70k is not much IMO and within the realms of cutting back. If you genuinely can't cut back then a PT evening job would easily make it up. My wife worked evenings to support my change and it's paid off in spades. I'm sure yours will too so my advice would be to support your husband as best as you can as I don't think he'd have taken this decision lightly. He's clearly thought about it and committed a lot of time and effort In a quest to benefit you all in the long run.

maddy68 · 26/08/2022 03:11

My last job I took a 20k pay cut. It paid off

Rainbowqueeen · 26/08/2022 06:32

Well done OP.
I think people can underestimate how scary it can be to re-enter the workforce after a long absense. I had 7 years out but absolutely love being back. You probably will too.
Also I suspect that you would have started looking earlier if not for covid and needing to homeschool your kids.

Get cracking on that resume and report back

XelaM · 26/08/2022 06:46

OP - if you drive and have a car, it's very easy to earn the missing £100 per week with AmazonFlex. There is no interview process and you don't need a CV and it's completely up to you if/how many hours you want to wok. You can pick and choose your shifts to suit you and you can even bring your kids with you in the car if needed. They pay weekly. It's an easy way to earn a bit of extra money. You just need to download the app and the sign up process takes about a week whilst they do DBS checks.

XelaM · 26/08/2022 06:47

work*

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/08/2022 06:49

starfishmummy · 25/08/2022 14:05

I realise it's a drop on what you are used to but £70K is still a lot more than many families of 4 have, who manage to live perfectly well on it. I can only assume that you have an extravagant lifestyle, which means you can easily make cuts;

We can't know this. We don't know where in the country OP lives. I'd not like to live in London (I do live in London) as a family of four on £70,000 a year. We don't know OPs housing costs, or transport costs for commuting. I rented a one bed flat for a time in London - rent, council tax and commuting costs were £1.500 a month.

Paq · 26/08/2022 06:50

Really brilliant that you are gaining the confidence to go back to work OP. 42 is YOUNG! You are articulate, have retail experience, you'll be fine. Obviously you won't go straight into a senior management position but you will find something you enjoy. Good luck!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/08/2022 07:02

Had to run run for the bus so didn't finish! It will give you confidence to go back to work, OP. Good luck!

(And I meant £1,500 a month in my previous post, obviously!)

Itwasntright · 26/08/2022 07:07

Well done for making a start towards getting a job op. There's loads of cv templates online, pick one you like the look of and just fill all your details in. Make sure you tailor your cv to each job, so if you've done retail and you want to go into remote customer service, they're not exactly the same but the main link is obviously the customer care aspect of both jobs. So on your cv when you list your responsibilities on your previous job make sure you start with all the responsibilities you had that related to customer care - handling customer enquiries, dealing with complaints, serving customers on the tills etc. Then go for the ones where you had to work as part of a team.

Passthegin99 · 26/08/2022 17:50

Totally agree with previous discussion about going back to work - definitely he right move. My DM was a SAHM with no previous career until I was 16 and since then she's carved out a career for herself and drastically improved her relationship with DF along the way (having her own money and independence). But actually my reason for posting is to say that I have taken a pay but multiple times and always made the drop back and more besides very quickly. As long as he's good at his job I'd say trust his instincts on this. Good luck

Passthegin99 · 26/08/2022 17:50

🙄 that should have said pay cut!

Tessabelle74 · 26/08/2022 17:53

Have faith in yourself OP! You CAN do it! You may even find you really enjoy a bit of time being you rather than just Mummy or someone's wife. Definitely look at college courses near you, take some time for YOU now x