To be told to come in when AL agreed and booked?

[RosiePosie27]

DH and I are going away (a couple hours away from our home) with our children and some of his family. We are away Friday - Monday at this location and likely home then on Monday afternoon / Tuesday if we don’t stay at MILs house on the way home.

My issue is that I booked these days off months ago (back in Feb / March) and it was approved by a team lead who is no longer in the department. A lady I jobshare with also asked to have one day that we both work together off (Tuesday, day after bank holiday Monday). This was approved by aforementioned team lead.

So, last Friday my manager says as I’m leaving work “there is no one in from your team on that Tuesday - can you come in?”. I said I was away but would see what I could do. I spoke with the lady I jobshare with (and who booked the day off after I did) and she won’t change her plans. She said she wasn’t doing anything during her leave (fair enough) but won’t come in (she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference).

Now I know that we both booked leave and had it approved - do you think I should make an effort to come in on the Tuesday even though it was agreed first that I could be off? Or should I just suck it up and come back early to work even though it will change our plans for our holiday?

Nothing against the lady I jobshare with but she knows I am away and refused to come in on this one day (again, fair enough) but I hate that I had to be the one who offers just to keep the management calm.

AIBU not to come in on the Tuesday, or should I be AINBU to not come in?

I would also stress to your manager that your leave was approved first. You should never have said you'll see what you can do if you didn't mean it

Whilst I agree that those with children shouldn't necessarily trump the plans of those without, I can see why the OP mentioned it. Having to return early from her trip will adversely affect all the others she's travelling with, in this case her three children (can't remember if there was a partner too).
She also mentioned that she is going away and the other colleague is not. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean her plans are more important than those of her colleague, but it gives more background.
It could also be considered relevant that the OP told us that she booked her leave many months ago, whereas the colleague's request is much more recent. First come, first served MIGHT be considered when working out which of the pair could alter their plans.

@DPotter thank you - you are exactly right. I was just rushing off and yes, it caught me off guard so I gave that response.

Honestly, I don’t think I deserved half the answers here (the very rude and personal ones) - I gave the answer about the children because I know on so many posts where people ask for more and more info so instead of drip feeding (in case someone asked) I wrote that. Silly me, I won’t make that mistake again.

@CallmeAngelina thank you, you summed it up perfectly for me. That’s exactly what I meant - leaving in the car with 3 children (and DH) to drive back on a few hour journey to rush home to make sure someone was covering. That was all I meant. I feel rather lambasted that it was taken totally out of context.

Thank you to everyone who replied. Can this thread be closed now?

It was entirely irrelevant 'background' info. Having kids/plans doesn't trump those without at all. Ever. Period. Both had annual leave approved by management. This is due to management and management only. No one needs to alter their plans except for management.

How convenient.

Oh for goodness sake that is not what I meant.

I'd say it's for MUMSNET reference (as opposed to any relevance within her workplace scenario). It was highly likely to have been asked by subsequent posters and/or people suggesting the colleague might have plans with her kids etc

No harm in mentioning it IMHO

I would suggest going to the manager and saying I checked with job share and she is not able to come in either on the Tuesday. That's you covered then in terms of you seeing what you could do.

If you're then asked to come in anyway, "I'm afraid not, I'm away. I booked the time off x amount of time ago"

If you get told he needs one of you in, just repeat "I'm away so I'm afraid I can't"

@BoogieBoogieWoogie yes exactly that. It wasn’t meant at all as a dig to my colleague / childless people but some people feel they need to get their knickers in a twist about something!

The OP trapped herself by saying she would see what she could do and is now trying to justify why it's her colleague who should give up leave rather than her. None f this information is relevant. Both requested annal leave and had it approved. The manager who approved her colleagues later request made a mistake. The OP is not responsible for sorting this problem out and she should have said so instead of hoping she could get her colleague to cancel her leave.

The OP is offended b the suggestion she is a people pleaser but how else would you describe behaviour where you imply you might be able to deliver something which is totally out of your control unless you are prepared to make the sacrifice personally?

The end result is that the manager now has less time to arrange cover and trying to get her colleague to cancel leave will not facilitate a harmonious working relationship.

People may think the MN attitude, "no is a complete sentence" is harsh and inflexible but it actually saves a lot of bother and it would have done here too.

Just keep batting it back to them. I'm sorry that you will struggle but both our leave requests were approved and neither of us can change our plans with such short notice.

You will have to source cover from somewhere else. No that isn't my responsibility, you will have to sort it.

It's was approved so I am legally within my rights to refuse to come in. I'm very sorry that this us causing you stress but it is neither my fault nor my responsibility.

Repeat as many times as it takes for it to sink in.

They screwed up. You'd help if you could but on this occasion you can't. Not your problem, not other lady's problem.

She has seen what she could do. She asked. Other lady said no. She did what she could and unfortunately the answer was very little.

Other colleague seems to have her boundaries in place. She's said a categoric 'no.'
You need to do the same.
This is not your problem to solve.

Oh come off it op

You said fact she was childless was for our “reference”.

Completely irrelevant. Just as the colour of her skin would be. Or her political leanings. Totally irrelevant.

You know you were implying that she should take the shift because she doesn’t have children. You know that was implying it now your pretending otherwise

And actually have the balls to be indignant about it! 😂

Can we stop the endless frothing about what people think they know about the OP's intent re: children and answer the AIBU?
This sort of nit-picking is so tiresome.

It was a dig.
Your colleague said no. That was the correct thing to say legally, morally, in every way. The answer was no. We are not owned by our employers, we are entitled to a life and time off and there is legislation in place about cancelling leave to prevent short notice nonsense like this so employees do not need to feel guilty. She rightly said no.

You're the one who made this a problem because you couldnt say no. You being a walk over isnt your colleagues problem. You decided to see what you could do and that was to try and bully your colleague into giving up her leave. She went, and you've come on here and decided that the relevant info is that you've got 3 kids and she has none. You seem that relevant because you think she should cancel her leave so you dont have to.

But it isnt relevant and it doesn't actually matter
Neither of you need to cancel your leave. It isnt your problem. It isnt her problem. You should have said no.

Actually, OP, have you actually agreed yet? What is the current state of play?

But all this is missing the point that it is NOT OPs job to try and bully the other colleague into working so all this background info about who booked it off first and for what reason is irrelevant -its not nice and not professional for OP to take it upon herself to "see what she can do" by trying to get someone else who she has decided would be better placed to change her plans than her.

There might be a protocol or policy in ops workplace stating that if leave needs to be cancelled it should go by whoever booked it last. I doubt it because legally the only prescription is the time the company has to give the notice of the rearranged leave, which us dependent on when the leave starts and how long it is for.

However I can guarantee you there would definitely not be any policy stating that leave cancellation depends on how many kids the leave taker has. Because that would be discrimination. So that information is not relevant to anyone for any purpose.

And even then, once more NONE OF THIS IS FOR OP TO DECIDE. She and her colleague are the same level, OP has absolutely no right to ask her colleague to cancel her leave. Its not an appropriate thing to do. Its for a manager to manage.

Seriously colleague would be well within her rights to complain to HR "My colleague rang me up telling me one of us needed to cancel our leave past minute and she thought it should be me, implying it was because I didn't have kids and she did. My manager hasn't mentioned any of this to me at all, and my leave was booked ages ago. Then I went on the daily mail and saw she'd posted all about it online."
It doesn't make OP sound great does it?

Whereas the thread itself is absolutely riveting! 😂

Reign it in @CallmeAngelina !

Rein what in?

@latetothefisting "But all this is missing the point that it is NOT OPs job to try and bully the other colleague into working"
Where do you get "bullying" from?