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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told to come in when AL agreed and booked?

233 replies

RosiePosie27 · 25/08/2022 10:11

DH and I are going away (a couple hours away from our home) with our children and some of his family. We are away Friday - Monday at this location and likely home then on Monday afternoon / Tuesday if we don’t stay at MILs house on the way home.

My issue is that I booked these days off months ago (back in Feb / March) and it was approved by a team lead who is no longer in the department. A lady I jobshare with also asked to have one day that we both work together off (Tuesday, day after bank holiday Monday). This was approved by aforementioned team lead.

So, last Friday my manager says as I’m leaving work “there is no one in from your team on that Tuesday - can you come in?”. I said I was away but would see what I could do. I spoke with the lady I jobshare with (and who booked the day off after I did) and she won’t change her plans. She said she wasn’t doing anything during her leave (fair enough) but won’t come in (she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference).

Now I know that we both booked leave and had it approved - do you think I should make an effort to come in on the Tuesday even though it was agreed first that I could be off? Or should I just suck it up and come back early to work even though it will change our plans for our holiday?

Nothing against the lady I jobshare with but she knows I am away and refused to come in on this one day (again, fair enough) but I hate that I had to be the one who offers just to keep the management calm.

AIBU not to come in on the Tuesday, or should I be AINBU to not come in?

OP posts:
EgonSpengler2020 · 25/08/2022 12:45

YANBU, where you went wrong though was not being assertive when you had the chance. A quick polite, "no sorry that isn't possible" when put on the spot would have been so much better, now and going forward, so that your manager knows not to take the piss with you.

This is all unless you are currently or soon likely to be going for promotion, in which case use it as a reason to suck up to management, and lay it on thick how awesome you are for proping up the department.

Only do what's right for you, the ball is in your court.

notanothertakeaway · 25/08/2022 12:50

At a job interview, a friend of mine was asked what she might do in this situation

Apparently, the correct answer was that if it was a genuine unforeseen emergency (not just poor planning), all hands required on deck, managers cancelling their own annual leave, and some compensation / additional time offered in lieu, then yes you would step up to the plate. But otherwise, No you wouldn't

This answer demonstrated appropriate balance between being assertive / standing up for yourself, whilst also recognising the needs of the business

Endlesslypatient82 · 25/08/2022 12:51

she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference

I know you have apologised but I’m intrigued why you even remotely thought it was relevant “for reference”?

differential · 25/08/2022 12:52

She said she wasn't doing anything during her leave (fair enough) but won't come in (she has no DC and I have 3 for reference).

So? The amount of children someone has makes absolutely no difference to when or if someone if more entitled to annual leave. Her time isn't less important than yours.

There's no cover. That's on management to sort out not two people who booked annual leave, regardless of plans or children. They shouldn't have asked you to come in and it was not appropriate for you to ask your colleague to change her annual leave either.

Fundays12 · 25/08/2022 12:52

No way your leave is approved. It’s there issue let them deal with it.

user1471457751 · 25/08/2022 12:55

Seeing what you could do would have been seeing if you could change your own plans not trying to guilt your colleague into coming in. I think your colleague could have a genuine complaint against you for trying to get her to cancel her leave. Her leave plans are none of your business. You wanted the brownie points with your boss of sorting it but with your colleague making the sacrifice.

differential · 25/08/2022 12:56

Endlesslypatient82 · 25/08/2022 12:51

she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference

I know you have apologised but I’m intrigued why you even remotely thought it was relevant “for reference”?

There was only an apology because so many called the OP out on it. Still angers me so many women still think like this in the workplace.

tigger1001 · 25/08/2022 13:03

"didn't say it to be goady. People-pleasing is a real problem."

You are right - it is a problem. I think you need to be able to recognise that it's an issue before you can deal with it. I am a people pleaser and after a very similar situation to the op I realised that it's a problem I need to work on. I am not thought any better of by being a people pleaser but it's very easy for management to take advantage.

I just wish dealing with it didn't trigger my anxiety. Baby steps I think.

JasmineIndigo · 25/08/2022 13:03

I voted YABU only because you are being a complete doormat even considering coming in when you are on annual leave. Your manager is paid more than you to solve staff shortages, it's 100% not your problem what happens at work while you are on A/L.

Endlesslypatient82 · 25/08/2022 13:03

I reckon the manager specifically asked the Op first because the OP has previously verbalised similar sentiments about her “childless” colleague and the manager is sick of it

TheHumanSatsuma · 25/08/2022 13:03

You both have leave which was booked well in advance and approved.
Neither of you should be guilted into coming in.

Endlesslypatient82 · 25/08/2022 13:03

op will either not return or return denying everything 🙄

MrsMoastyToasty · 25/08/2022 13:10

Don't go in. If the you were both off sick they would have to suck it up. Annual leave is no different.

latetothefisting · 25/08/2022 13:10

DPotter · 25/08/2022 11:58

I really don't understand why people are jumping up and down about the OP mentioning that her job share partner doesn't have children.

I'm willing to bet serious money, that someone would have asked by the end of the 2 pages whether the job share had children or other caring responsibilities and if the OP is a MN regular she would have known that and consequently was giving the fullest information she could.

She wasn't being snippy, she was just giving us the full background before someone jumped on her for not giving all 'relevant' information. And as for saying "I'll see what I can do" in response to being asked to come in - not all of us have the presence of mind to say no to a direct unexpected request. She gave her manager a holding response - which if the OP was a true 'people pleaser' (Oh how I hate that phrase) she wouldn't have done - she'd have said OK and agreed to go in.

Completely disagree because its not at all relevant to the actual question. Who cares if OP "anticipated" that a poster MIGHT have asked she's under no obligation to answer everything anyone asks.

The fact that you are the only person to defend her whereas everyone else has pointed out the children issue is irrelevant doesn't support your theory that she would have been criticised for not providing the (Non relevant) info.

Its not a holding response because it states OP is going to do something about it, which she confirms she then did - i.e. nagged the other woman and is thinking about rearranging her own holidays. So the manager is thinking "oh OK sounds like OP might sort it". Now if she comes back last minute manager has much less time to arrange anything- if OP didn't want to "see what she could do" she should have said that, what she did say is suggesting some sort of positive action on her part.

BogOffTraceyBeaker · 25/08/2022 13:11

Dont try and remedy others mistakes. You should have said I’m on leave on it was approved and should be in the team calendar (piss off you dickhead would you change your holiday)

don’t go in - you’ll set yourself up for crap from now on. If you manager can’t cover, tough shit

Brefugee · 25/08/2022 13:11

There was only an apology because so many called the OP out on it. Still angers me so many women still think like this in the

it drives me batty. Not least because at one company i was the only one with small children so i missed out on socialising, especially the spontaneous type, and even called "not a good team player" because i preferred (well - had to) work through my lunchbreaks so i could get my work done and (mostly) leave on time to collect DCs from the childminder.
10 years later - now i'm mean if i suggest a meet up after work, or go out for lunch or whatever, and have to listen to P-T staff whining about how they a) don't have enough money b) don't get promoted and c) (gobsmackingly) don't have time to go to the supermarket. Now I'm not a team player because i don't want to have my leave dictated to by other people's childcare emergencies.
Luckily I'm good at boundaries and tell them all to take a running jump.

KangFang · 25/08/2022 13:11

Nope.
Not your problem.
They'll just have to try and find a way to learn to live with it - for one day.
Fuck them.

Suedomin · 25/08/2022 13:13

Neither of you should go in if you booked the leave. You shouldn't have said you will see what you can do. It's enough to say you are on holiday and can't change your plans. The same applies for your colleague. Just because she doesn't have children or going away it doesn't mean she doesn't have important plans

Thatboymum · 25/08/2022 13:15

Well “you’ve seen what you can do” and the answer to that is nothing, don’t be a pushover you have holidays booked it’s a them problem not a you problem so don’t go in

Bordesleyhills · 25/08/2022 13:17

Enjoy your time with your children

Mumofsend · 25/08/2022 13:22

The management have enough time to cancel the other person's leave legally. Morally it is their fuck up but the solution isn't exactly hard to see.

2Rebecca · 25/08/2022 13:25

I'd be just saying no. Your leave was approved. Hosp admin can get a locum if needed but how they cover your annual leave is their problem not yours. I wouldn't be trying to help them

Madamecastafiore · 25/08/2022 13:27

I'd just give them another heads up that you most certainly won't be there. Say you've tried to alter plans but it's just not working.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 25/08/2022 13:27

Don't go in. My manager fucked up once and let two out of three have a week off. Neither of us came in but I did apologise even though I'd booked it months before and I was really annoyed with myself for apologising for something I had no fault over.

OurChristmasMiracle · 25/08/2022 13:28

time to say “unfortunately I am unable to change my plans”

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