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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told to come in when AL agreed and booked?

233 replies

RosiePosie27 · 25/08/2022 10:11

DH and I are going away (a couple hours away from our home) with our children and some of his family. We are away Friday - Monday at this location and likely home then on Monday afternoon / Tuesday if we don’t stay at MILs house on the way home.

My issue is that I booked these days off months ago (back in Feb / March) and it was approved by a team lead who is no longer in the department. A lady I jobshare with also asked to have one day that we both work together off (Tuesday, day after bank holiday Monday). This was approved by aforementioned team lead.

So, last Friday my manager says as I’m leaving work “there is no one in from your team on that Tuesday - can you come in?”. I said I was away but would see what I could do. I spoke with the lady I jobshare with (and who booked the day off after I did) and she won’t change her plans. She said she wasn’t doing anything during her leave (fair enough) but won’t come in (she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference).

Now I know that we both booked leave and had it approved - do you think I should make an effort to come in on the Tuesday even though it was agreed first that I could be off? Or should I just suck it up and come back early to work even though it will change our plans for our holiday?

Nothing against the lady I jobshare with but she knows I am away and refused to come in on this one day (again, fair enough) but I hate that I had to be the one who offers just to keep the management calm.

AIBU not to come in on the Tuesday, or should I be AINBU to not come in?

OP posts:

FOJN · 25/08/2022 10:36

You and your job share colleague both requested and were granted leave. Its up to the management to resolve the staffing issue they created. Say no for yourself and leave them to talk to your colleague about covering the Tuesday.

The number of children ether of you has or the plans you have made are irrelevant and your attempt to make them relevant plays into management's hands. People do not suddenly become lower priority for leave because they are not parents or you don't think their plans are as important as yours.

SummerWinterSummerWinter · 25/08/2022 10:36

YABU to mention the fact that you have 3 kids and she doesn't, as if that makes it that she should change her plans any more than you should.

Her plans and what she wants to do with her annual leave is just as valid as yours, DC or not.

sillysmiles · 25/08/2022 10:37

She said she wasn’t doing anything during her leave (fair enough) but won’t come in (she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference).
Just for reference? It sounds as though you think she should come in.

Now I know that we both booked leave and had it approved
This is all you need to focus on - both of you have your leave booked in advance and approved. Anything else is your managers responsibility to deal with.

do you think I should make an effort to come in on the Tuesday even though it was agreed first that I could be off?

No.

10HailMarys · 25/08/2022 10:38

Neither you nor your job share partner should offer to come in. It's not your problem and it's not hers either. The fact that your job share partner isn't going away and doesn't have kids is irrelevant, as is the fact that she booked her leave after yours. You both booked leave and had it approved and you both have an equal right to take the time off as previously agreed.

cushioncovers · 25/08/2022 10:38

Nope, politely tell them no you can't change your plans.

neverbeenskiing · 25/08/2022 10:40

YANBU to take the time off as previously agreed. YABVU for implying that the colleague who shares your job is less deserving of AL because they are child-free and you think their plans are not as important as yours.

Original poster

RosiePosie27 · 25/08/2022 10:43

apologies for making the comment about the children, it was meant for info but obviously viewed differently! She can do whatever she wants on her leave, as I can with mine.

OP posts:

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 25/08/2022 10:44

I'd tell management good luck on covering it then as I'm not coming in. They can ask the other woman themselves if they want, but she doesn't have to either. However it should be her they ask as she booked second, first come first served as far as I'm concerned. Kids have nothing to do with it.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 25/08/2022 10:44

I wouldn’t go in, they’re wrong to prioritise leave booked later. But however many children each of you have is irrelevant, unless you think that gives you some sort of priority, in which case I’d have to wonder if there’s more to this story.

waltzingparrot · 25/08/2022 10:45

Well you've seen what you can do by asking your colleague and on this occasion, she can't help out either. Email your boss as others have said to put in writing the date of your leave approval and add that you are away on holiday in Devon/Scotland/other end of country/ and you won't be arriving home until late on Tuesday.

Are there no options for getting cover from elsewhere? Not that makes any difference to you.

PSKeyboardwarrior · 25/08/2022 10:47

and felt obliged to say “I’ll see what I can do”.

You weren't obliged to say anything. A 'not my problem' would've sufficed.

You also clearly think your colleague should make an effort to go in which is very unreasonable.

MyBottomDecides · 25/08/2022 10:48

You and your colleague job-share, so you're effectively doing one job. If this was set up differently with one full time person instead of 2 job-sharing people, there would be no option of the FT person being half on leave and half in work on Tuesday. So I don't see why there has to be one of you in under a job share.

FOJN · 25/08/2022 10:49

From what you have written you were asked rather than told; you can just say no.

SleeplessInEngland · 25/08/2022 10:50

Obviously don't go in. I think the fact that you felt the need to even ask on here means you have a people-pleasing issue that might be worth looking into.

Original poster

RosiePosie27 · 25/08/2022 10:55

With my colleague - one of us has to be here at all times during the week (we are patient facing). Yes I admit that I was a bit upset as this lady knew for months (as did management) that I wasn’t here and she only booked her leave a month or so ago, but I had thought that she may have said that she would consider it (again, fair enough as her leave was granted also). I only joined this team at the end of last year so she has more experience here and obviously used to the muck up of the holiday booking. One of us has to be here, but as a lot of you have said, on this occasion they are going to have to cope…

OP posts:

Original poster

RosiePosie27 · 25/08/2022 10:56

SleeplessInEngland · 25/08/2022 10:50

Obviously don't go in. I think the fact that you felt the need to even ask on here means you have a people-pleasing issue that might be worth looking into.

Wow, you obviously are sleepless if you talk to people like that. Have a good day 💐

OP posts:

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 25/08/2022 10:58

If you have had the annual leave approved by a manager (even if they've left,) then take it. Not your problem if they don't have cover.

I worked at a place once, and there were approximately 50 people on three different shifts working there. There were thefts of money going on (from the safe and tills,) and it could have been anyone of 15 or 16 people who popped in and out of the office and who cashed up the tills. Including me.

One Wednesday, the manager said there was going to be a big meeting on Tuesday morning next week when everyone's going to be questioned, and we all need to talk about the possibility of who this might be taking this money. Around 16 of us were due to be questioned.

I had a holiday booked with DH and DD - it was a coach trip to Amsterdam, and it was from the Friday morning that week to the Tuesday evening of the following week - and this meeting was on the Tuesday morning.

This manager actually seriously expected (and actually said with a straight face,) 'you need to come back on Monday so you can come to this meeting on Tuesday.' She seriously expected me to do this.... to pay for a separate journey home to get back Monday night. (I'd have to pay for a separate trip to get back Monday, because till the coach did not get back til Tuesday evening.) So, she expected me to pay for a separate trip to get back for the Tuesday for the meeting that she'd called. (When I had a pre-booked holiday abroad.. booked 5 months earlier, along with the leave I booked that SHE signed off.)

I did tell her that no way in hell am I going to cut my holiday short ... she said 'you have to. EVERYone needs to attend this meeting..' I said 'I can't see anywhere in the employment law that says I have to do what you're demanding here, but knock yourself out if you want to try and discipline me for it. No WAY am I coming back from my family holiday a day early to come to this meeting. I have the time booked off, and my coach doesn't get back in til Tuesday evening... I would have to PAY for a separate coach (and ferry trip,) or plane home.' She could not fathom WHY I was refusing to do this. I just said 'no WAY' and walked off.

Came back on the Wednesday morning to work, and nobody said anything about the meeting, or if anyone knew yet who was stealing the money ... and I left about three months after for another job. Dunno if it ever came out who the thief was, but nobody ever mentioned me not going to that meeting. Like fucking hell was I going to cut my PRE-BOOKED holiday abroad short, for her stupid fucking meeting.

Matildahoney · 25/08/2022 11:01

So what would they do if you were both off sick on the same day? They'd cope! It's no different.
Also to cancel holiday they have to give you a certain amount of notice - I think it's double the amount of time ahead of the amount you have booked off or similar, so if you have a week booked off then 2 weeks notice. Not sure how this works when asking you to reduce by a day though, maybe only 2 days.

LumpyandBumps · 25/08/2022 11:01

I don’t think you should have agreed to go in, but I think it would have been fair to have told your manager this by now, if she asked you last Friday.

Completelyovernonsense · 25/08/2022 11:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

MummyJ36 · 25/08/2022 11:04

Yeah no. It’s literally one day. It’s not like you’ve both booked off the same 2 weeks. It’s up to management to cover for this. One of them will have to cover if this isn’t a job that a temp could do.

i understand why you said you’d see what you can do, I’ve done similar things before when put on the spot. I’d just email the manager ASAP and say that having looked into it that it’s impossible for you to come back early (you can make something up about trains or family commitments etc.) My feeling is management know they’re going to have to cover for you and your job-share if you both won’t change your plans so they’re having a go at the old guilt trip method!!

KyaClark · 25/08/2022 11:04

I think @SleeplessInEngland was trying to help rather than cause offence.

Wexone · 25/08/2022 11:05

They have both been signed off and approved, You are both entitled to take the day off. Your company can survive one day with out you both - they just have to suck it up. There is no need for the guilt trip. There has been days like this that no one in our department is in and the place has survived. I would be annoyed at you for coming across that having children trumps that you take priority. For all you know her day off could be a hospital appointment or something that can not be changed or she has no control over the date - She could be just saying to you that she has no plans

WeepingSomnambulist · 25/08/2022 11:07

RosiePosie27 · 25/08/2022 10:56

Wow, you obviously are sleepless if you talk to people like that. Have a good day 💐

Show quote history

She's right though. You seem to be a people please "be kind" person. That's not a good thing. That's being a walk over. It weakness.
There is being good and then there is "be kind and bend over for other people".

Considering changing a holiday to go into work on your booked annual leave is the latter.

They can cancel annual leave with sufficient notice. They did not give that notice. So you dont go in.

BellePeppa · 25/08/2022 11:10

Don’t go in. One thing I’ve learnt over the years is you can be loyal and dependable to a company (private or public) but they won’t be to you.

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