To be told to come in when AL agreed and booked?

[RosiePosie27]

DH and I are going away (a couple hours away from our home) with our children and some of his family. We are away Friday - Monday at this location and likely home then on Monday afternoon / Tuesday if we don’t stay at MILs house on the way home.

My issue is that I booked these days off months ago (back in Feb / March) and it was approved by a team lead who is no longer in the department. A lady I jobshare with also asked to have one day that we both work together off (Tuesday, day after bank holiday Monday). This was approved by aforementioned team lead.

So, last Friday my manager says as I’m leaving work “there is no one in from your team on that Tuesday - can you come in?”. I said I was away but would see what I could do. I spoke with the lady I jobshare with (and who booked the day off after I did) and she won’t change her plans. She said she wasn’t doing anything during her leave (fair enough) but won’t come in (she has no DC and I have 3 just for reference).

Now I know that we both booked leave and had it approved - do you think I should make an effort to come in on the Tuesday even though it was agreed first that I could be off? Or should I just suck it up and come back early to work even though it will change our plans for our holiday?

Nothing against the lady I jobshare with but she knows I am away and refused to come in on this one day (again, fair enough) but I hate that I had to be the one who offers just to keep the management calm.

AIBU not to come in on the Tuesday, or should I be AINBU to not come in?

If it's been approved it's been approved - don't go in u less you want to. NHS will always ask as we are in desperate times but you can't be made to go in xx

the team lead said he could cope without us for one day

Your mistake was saying "I'll see what I can do" rather than a flat out "No, sorry, it was approved and I have booked a hotel away".

Up to you, but I wouldn't change my plans.

Especially as your leave was approved first!

Just to add before I even read that u work for the NHS I had a sneaky suspicion u did 🤣

I don’t know why you said ‘I’ll see what I can do’ - it should’ve just been a ‘unfortunately that time is approved and I’m away so won’t able to come in’.

This.

This is not your problem to solve nor is it your job shares.

This is management's issue - so why you are making it your issue and feeling resentful to your jobshare is just odd.

You job share not having children doesn't mean she's not allowed to make plans.

If management wanted to cancel the leave they could have but not so late. So not only have they failed to initially manage the leave they have also failed to realise in time - none of that is your issue to solve.

I also think @SleeplessInEngland has a point and does not deserve your rude response.

Direct your ire at your manager and have a think why you would dream of answering "I'll see what I can do" to such a complete unreasonable response.

I really don't understand why people are jumping up and down about the OP mentioning that her job share partner doesn't have children.

I'm willing to bet serious money, that someone would have asked by the end of the 2 pages whether the job share had children or other caring responsibilities and if the OP is a MN regular she would have known that and consequently was giving the fullest information she could.

She wasn't being snippy, she was just giving us the full background before someone jumped on her for not giving all 'relevant' information. And as for saying "I'll see what I can do" in response to being asked to come in - not all of us have the presence of mind to say no to a direct unexpected request. She gave her manager a holding response - which if the OP was a true 'people pleaser' (Oh how I hate that phrase) she wouldn't have done - she'd have said OK and agreed to go in.

Except it's clearly the case. The OP said "I'll see what I can do" even though there's nothing she can do and it's not her problem, and then asks on here if she's being unreasonable.

I didn't say it to be goady. People-pleasing is a real problem.

even if they had asked - it would have been wrong and people like me would have told them to wind their necks in.

I see OP as having made 2 mistakes, and imo the second is actually worse than the first:

1. "I'll see what i can do" is a nothing answer and OP should have said "no I'm on leave" and left it at that

2. then asked the jobshare if she could go in. Good on the colleague for having good boundaries. If i were her I'd be having strong words with OP for that.

If you go in they'll pull this shit repeatedly

YABU because you weren't told to come in. You were asked, and you said you'd see what you could do. But it wasn't up to you to sort it.

Just say "No, I'm on AL " if it happens again.

She's not wrong, OP.

You should have said a straight no. And not 'you'll see what you can do'

YANBU to not go in, but YABU to expect your colleague to. It's Management's f-up. They can pay through the nose for an agency worker thanks to their poor planning - it's far too short notice to cancel either of your leave requests at this point.

This a million times.

I don't think @SleeplessInEngland wasn't being sh*tty OP.

But absolutely do not go in.

Also, the fact you have 3 DC and your colleague has none is massively irrelevant. A childfree person is entitled to AL whenever they want it too. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but it reads like you think they should buckle first, whereas s/he is just doing exactly what you should do: say no, don't feel bad and have a lovely trip!

Do not go in.

Do not feel guilty. You are human and entitled to annual leave.

If the department/ward absolutely needs the cover then they can draft in from the Bank or agency staff.

(I work in NHS also. It’s on its arse, but staff rights and wellbeing is just as important as patient wellbeing)

Don't go in!

As others have said the colleague not having children is irrelevant and this is a management issue for them to sort out. Don't whatever you do try to make your colleague feel bad (am sure you won't do).

In recent years as PPs have said, I've realised that a company (private or public) aren't as loyal to you no matter who loyal and dependable you are to them!

Prime example in a previous job, another PA (small company) always had Fridays off, she worked a 4 day week - which meant I could never/rarely take Fridays off apart from proper holidays. She had children and after this grandchildren, I don't have children. I stuck this for 2 years but then realised an local agency could supply staff to cover that day and that's what I did if I wanted a Friday or long weekend off and the company/boss paid for it. I'd joined the company not realising this PA had Fridays off every week and it hadn't been pointed out to me and wasn't in my contract... I have just as much right to holiday and on Fridays as she did though and I actually worked harder than her (trained her etc). My boss also loved playing us off against the other though... in pay rises/equal treatment etc which is another story!

Where you are both spending your AL, or the number of children you both have is irrelevant.

Do you have any 'proof' of the AL being approved?

I wouldn't go in, unless your contract states you have to and there could be serious repercussions.

I think @SleeplessInEngland was trying to be kind, not rude. And in the nicest possible way, she's probably got a point.

You're considering changing your holiday plans to keep management happy when the normal response would have been "sorry, would love to help but we're actually away".

Lots of us are people-pleasers, myself included, and it's very much a societal thing that's ingrained in women especially. It can sometimes feel quite hard to say no to people when it's your natural instinct to want to help/please.

I really struggle with this, and I'm working on it. Still a very long way from getting it right though!! You sound like a lovely person, but absolutely don't put other people before your own needs, and those of your family 💐

Why on earth did you say “you could see what you could do”

which meant speaking to your colleague, which was not your responsibility.

whereas it implied that you were going to see if you could change your plans

Just say you can’t come in, your away.

They will have to cope without you both for a day.

Sleepless didn’t say anything rude OP. If your go to reaction to an unreasonable request is “I’ll see what I can do” and expect others (your colleague) to do the same, does indicate you’re a people pleaser. It’s absolutely something to look into as it’s often a detrimental quality. Sometimes the truth hurts and we lash out at the messenger but sleepless deserves an apology.

Don’t go in. Learn to separate your colleagues personal life from inept management and your feeling about who deserves the day off more (the fact she has no children / or plans does not mean your holiday trumps hers, nor should she feel guilty for saying no to the request to come in).

I would have had sympathy with you were it not for that comment, apology or not, it suggests you feel your life and free time is more important. It adds no context or further information that is relevant. I cannot abide people with your attitude.

Anyway as far I can tell, you were asked you should take a leaf out of your childless colleague’s book and just said no, rather than you would see what you could do. The manager only asked if you could, they didn’t attempt to mandate it.

So, last Friday my manager says as I’m leaving work “there is no one in from your team on that Tuesday - can you come in?”. I said I was away but would see what I could do.

Not quite sure why you didn't just say "no, I'm going away for the weekend".