Neighbour demanding money

[4or5]

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

@Endlesslypatient82
I have 5 - DS 20yrs was out, DD 17yrs was at work DS 13yrs was in the lounge on the other side of the house with myself and DH
little ones are 5yrs and 3yrs and we’re both fast asleep in bed and not on an adjoining wall.

Does she have dementia?

My dad used to help an elderly neighbour until she accused him of stealing her money and going through her things. He hadn’t. She then started telling all the other neighbours he was stealing from her. He stopped visiting her. She was diagnosed with dementia.

True. It could be any of the above. She may be autistic, in the early stages of dementia, or just a spiteful asshole.

Some people are utterly mad - totally unreasonable, totally incapable behaving in a calm and civilized way. In fact, they have a sort of persecution complex, where they think everyone else is being unreasonable. They stew on some minor incident, build it up in their mind, and then work themselves into a rage. Often, the incident itself will have been trivial - or may not even have happened at all. Some people carry SO much hatred and bitterness as well. And when you are full of hatred and bitterness, you look for excuses to hit back at the world.

Also, don't underestimate boredom. My aunt lives in an OAP complex, and she's had endless trouble from isolated old women whose only entertainment is gossip and spite. This whole drama could well be entertainment for her. Causing upset and trouble is a real pleasure for some people.

Ugghh, this is the problem with living in a small, densely populated country. It's hell having people jammed on top of you. I live on a new build, where greedy developers have managed to squeeze 12 houses onto a piece of land fit only for two or three.

Or in this case, a poltergeist!

Could you write a polite but firm and formal letter explaining this, so she has something in writing? Bear in mind she may show it to others, but I don't see what you have to fear - her accusation sounds completely groundless.

If you keep it formal and brief, it will state your case clearly and then you can say that you will not enter into any further discussions about the matter.

It seems more unlikely that it happened. It’s a solid brick wall 🤷‍♀️

Well, I was thinking tinnitus. Which is a horrible thing.

A friend’s neighbour became convinced he was playing incredibly loud music at all times.

Including when he was in Thailand and the house was empty. In court (I’m afraid it got that far) he responded to friend’s production of airline tickets & stamped passport by saying that friend “must be getting people in to play music when he’s out”.

Very sad but extremely annoying.

You’d be surprised.

Sorry wrong thread

My advice is to send her a letter - preferably registered post so that she has to sign for it. In the letter you should say something like this:

Dear Batshit Crazy Neighbour,

I'm writing to you in relation to the issue you brought to my attention on X date (the first time she mentioned the picture jumping off the wall), and subsequently on Y date, demanding monies from me.

There was no one in the room in our property that shares the party wall with the room that your picture was in, in your property, at the time you claim it fell off your wall. There was no one in the room prior to that time and the person who does generally occupy that room, when they returned home after midnight that evening went straight to bed so was not banging on the brick walls.

We are not responsible for pictures that are incorrectly or poorly hung on any wall in your property.

We will not be paying towards the reframing of this picture/art work. Any further contact in relation to this by you or anyone acting on your behalf will be seen as harassment and will be dealt with by the appropriate authorities.

I now consider this matter closed and will not entertain any further discussion in relation to it.

Hugs and socially distanced kisses,
4or5

Something like that should sort it out....I would hope!

Write down the dates and times of things and the dates you spoke to her if she tries to change the story so you have it for her family

<bad taste quip alert>
If she gets forgetful just tell her you've already paid her.

Completely ignore the dotty old bint.

I had an old man come knocking at my door raging that British Gas was a Nazi institution, because he'd just seen the van go past and it had set him off on one of his 'episodes'. I called the police. They said he was off his medication and his family were concerned as he kept knocking on doors and bellowing about Nazis at strangers, and the week before he'd been punched in the face.

Anyway, point being, they can be completely nutso and it's best to totally ignore, despite their bitter threats.

Talk to other people in the village. You may find she does this sort of thing to other people, too.

In the meantime, stand your ground and refuse to pay up. Tell her she really has no proof of when it fell, etc. etc.

She's either batty or trying you out to see how far she can push you.

Sounds like she's trying to pull a fast one.

Also sounds like she is attempting to extort cash out of you and your son, for no good reason.

I would suggest that you give her no reason to complain about you and your son, and log every single incident as she may be in need of an ASBO. You could tell her to stop the harassment or you will involve the police, and cover yourself by being cautious with how you interact with her because it coukd be that yhe lights are on but no ones' home.

If incidents continue to occur, you can consult the police as she will be warned.

Calm down she is elderly and probably has dementia …
no need to scare her
just talk to her family …

Your answer sounds quite scathing, but it is a very real possibility. Dementia is very different for different people, it isn’t always about having memory loss. It’s definitely worth bearing in mind that this may be a factor, or they might even have a UTI that is causing confusion. Or they might just be a nasty old bat 😂.

AIBU to stick to my holiday plans?

Last year I booked a cruise with a friend, it's coming up in two weeks.

I'm really looking forward to the break, I've just put my house up for sale and had a very busy time decluttering the house, and cleaning daily for viewings.

A few days ago this friend called to say she's badly broken her wrist. She needs an operation to set the bones, and the hospital have advised her not to go as she will be in much pain . She's also taken out travel insurance with what appears to be a dreadful company, who won't entertain a claim .

I've booked and paid for parking at the port , I've also got my dogs booked in kennels, and would lose my deposit if I back out now.

This lady wants us to reschedule the holiday which for those reasons, plus an impending house move I don't think is good for me , if she's going to be poorly I really dont think she should come either, even if I have to travel alone.

I've backed off completely now as I feel I've been put in an impossible position.

Call the police tell them she is now harassing you….they will visit her.

Or poltergeists? 😆

There are many different types of dementia. My mum has frontal variant Alzheimer’s and you could meet her and never even know, but the diagnosis explained strange behaviours that had been going on for YEARS.

She could have Dementia - I have had this from an elderly neighbour. I had to nip it in the bud with her son in law. Just ignore her

what with people quoting posts and then saying “wrong thread” and then others turning up with entirely unrelated holiday problems, I’m now

Any chance you can speak to her family?

My dad has Alzheimer's and dementia. If he was to accidentally knock a picture off the wall you can guarantee it will be old 'wandering John' from 'over the road' that came into his room and pulled it off the wall, he might even blame one of us kids!!! (Dad is in a nursing home)

It wouldn't hurt being neighbourly, speak to her family and make sure she is well before you tell the 'old bat' to get stuffed

surely the bang, was the picture falling, is the string broken ?