Neighbour demanding money

[4or5]

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

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Maybe you have found why her previous next door neighbours wanted to move…..

1 in 14 people over 65 has dementia. Rising to 1 in 6 in people over 80. If an elderly person is behaving irrationally then it is sensible to consider the possibility that may have this extremely common illness.

Lots of us - most of us, probably - have experience of family members with dementia and will be noticing familiar elements in this story. The confrontational behaviour, the lack of ability to reason that what she's alleging is not possible (that somebody is making too much noise and this has caused a picture to fall off a solid brick wall), the fixation over the issue and the inability to move on from it. People aren't just thinking "grumpy old lady = dementia".

My Grandma never became confrontational, but one of the first signs for her was obsessing over certain things in the house and imagining that there was some recurring problem with them. For example there was something over the thermostat that I can't quite remember now. She thought it was doing something that it wasn't. We checked it daily at her (repeated) request. There was also something to do with the windows. This lady being fixated on the reason for her picture falling off the wall, even though common sense says it can't have happened due to noise, reminds me a lot of my grandma.

I suspect her family will perhaps be aware that she's being ridiculous, as she's almost certainly also ridiculous with them. Even if your ds was being noisy, it wouldn't make a picture fall off the wall.

Do not engage.

If she comes back, tell her to claim on her own contents insurance, but for £100.00 its probably not worth it.

During the early stage of dementia, my FiL got it firmly fixed in his head that neighbours had stolen the manky pedestal mat 🤮from his downstairs loo! Whereas SiL had taken it away to burn it. But no, he was convinced.

My mother got it into her head that a neighbour’s son had ‘stolen’ her garage. The reality was that a couple of years previously she’d given him permission to use it, since she no longer had a car. But there was no convincing her - she had no memory of it. It was an insistent, angry bee buzzing in her bonnet for weeks on end.

There were other totally unfounded accusations that my DM went on and on about for what seemed forever at the time.

OP just make sure you screen shot the message from your DS that night or back it up somehow so you've got it if/when you need it.

I wouldn't worry too much. If it's been three weeks since it happened and she's only confronted you at the time and then once more recently, I'd imagine she isn't going to take it further. I'd imagine her family (assuming they know her and her house well) will know that you can't bang something off a solid brick wall. Heck, despite repeated banging through a stud wall my mirror is still hanging in my hallway (DH forgot to take it down).

I'd have a letter ready (like PP said) and either give it to her now or keep it and add to it. Just record everything.

Tell her she has a poltergeist and to jog on

Don’t engage with her.

She may be spiteful, but I would show her kindness, sometimes loneliness can provoke issues to just have an interaction whether it be bad or good. I'd try and turn it around i.e.'Mary' we didn't ruin your picture but we can help you get a new one etc.

@mycatisannoying I’m not suggesting for a second that the picture didn’t fall down, I know it broken as another neighbour cleared it all up for her. I’m simply not prepared to let my DS take responsibility when he wasn’t even home. There’s 100 reasons why it could have fallen.
This made me snort! Each reason costs £1.00 !!

Extreme vibration CAN disturb pictures hanging on a wall, but usually if DIY work is going in on the other side, hammering specifically {Like hacking off plaster}
It's more likely that pictures will hand slightly skew whiff though, rather than actually fall off.
Maybe the cord broke on the back of her picture {It can happen} maybe the nail wasn't secure in the wall.
But if you weren't doing hammering, it's hard to see how it could happen.

Pictures just do move.. it must just be daily living, but sometimes my pictures need 'Straightening'..I wonder if Earth tremors? Who knows.

I'd ignore now. Forget about it. If and when her family knock, you can tell them the circumstances.

My late granny was Irish, and believe you me if a picture fell off the wall like that it was the sign that someone would die in Irish folklore!

There were ructions if that ever happened and an immediate recitation of ten decades of the Rosary.

That is absolutely ridiculous!
She's having you on.
I have endured years of DIY {Victorian terraces} and at no time has a picture ever fallen off a wall from massive hammer drilling to put in RSJ's or similar.

Don't give her anything.

I did think next door's builders were going to 'come through the wall'' once, and video'd it, but the pictures on that wall were fine.

Do you live in a semi or a terrace?

If it's a terrace it's possible that sound is travelling strangely or building work elsewhere in the row is causing noise and vibration.

My mum used to get regular complaints from a neighbour about our noisy drum kit. We didn't have a drum kit but a house a couple of doors up did. Depending on how properties are constructed noise can travel strangely.

@tonicwaters Love it! :-)

Hi OP. I get your dilemma with having moved recently to a village. I also moved to one.
Write her a kind and gentle letter (so that you have a copy) sympathising with her concerns about noise but pointing out that your son was not at home at the time and no one else was in the room.

As far as other people locally are concerned, and her own family if you have any contacts with them, take the attitude of kindly concern for her rather than trying to prove that she is in the wrong. You will come across well and it will be easier to talk to others about it if necessary.

YANBU. The house next to us is rented to students, and six months after we had new windows installed the landlord tried to claim we were responsible for an interior crack in a bedroom wall. We told him to get his insurers to contact ours, and never heard another word from him.

I agree with PPs about potential dementia - getting fixated on something random like this sounds familiar. The elderly woman who lived next door to my friend's parents kept knocking on their door and insisting that their "wee boy" had been digging holes in her back garden. My friend was 25 by that point and hadn't lived there for years.

Yes, some people are just arseholes but dementia is common. My maternal grandad had it and now my paternal granny is rapidly declining with it.

Or maybe the frame was ancient and it just gave up. Hopefully you can speak to a family member and clear it up.

1 in 14 people over 65 has dementia. Rising to 1 in 6 in people over 80. If an elderly person is behaving irrationally then it is sensible to consider the possibility that may have this extremely common illness.

Definitely. This is a person who is elderly, has been described by others (plural) as muddled and who is behaving in an irrational way. Of course the prospect of dementia is going to be raised. It's one of the most obvious explanations.

How many bangs did she hear. Is she saying she heard a bang and then the picture fell and heard a 2nd bang as it hit the floor or did she only hear one bang because the picture fell because string was or wall hook was worn and had snapped..

Pictures crashing to the floor tend to cause a loud bang. What has that to do with you

If you are new to the village I wonder if the person who said she “gets confused” was using the term loosely and what they want to say is she is a scam artist and we are all wise to her ways and you being new to the area in her eyes are fresh meat

This.

She’s bonkers.

Anyone she tells the story to, will see that she is bonkers.

It’s pretty sad. Hope she doesn’t harass you too much.

@dannydyerismydad its a semi detached

How many children do you have op?