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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour demanding money

248 replies

4or5 · 24/08/2022 23:42

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

OP posts:
Joysutty · 27/08/2022 07:49

Or sadly a gambling addiction.

MaggieFS · 27/08/2022 08:15

SenoritaNaturista · 25/08/2022 01:10

You mention being new in your village, is there a village hall/ cafe/ coffee spot where people congregate? If so you could discreetly ask “is Mrs x ok does anyone know?”….because we have had this odd problem….

Someone might discreetly put your mind at rest, also give you an opportunity to present your situation as it is (i.e you not at fault)

The letter suggestion above is also a good idea.

I would do this, get on the front foot.

Str8talker · 27/08/2022 08:58

Remain calm and polite, but stand your ground.

Grrrrdarling · 27/08/2022 09:59

4or5 · 24/08/2022 23:42

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

Do you have contact details for her extended family or does anyone else in the area know them so you can give them a concern call. Sounds like the lady is having problems.
Alternative is tell her to take you to court. She’ll get half hours free advice & any solicitor will tell her she hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

sue20 · 27/08/2022 11:06

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 24/08/2022 23:51

This

Show quote history

Definitely this. Classic behaviour. Hopefully family can deal with it. If they exist. Have you seen broken picture?

sue20 · 27/08/2022 11:11

Keyansier · 24/08/2022 23:53

When in doubt, blame dementia.

I’ve had a lot of contact with people who have dementia. This is classic early behaviour. The irrational element very typical. She needs firm but sympathetic response. Have you seen the picture?

leatherboundbooks · 27/08/2022 14:31

It is certainly possible to hear banging that doesn' exist, I've had it with my own heartbeat suddenly waking me up and thinking someone was pounding on th door. But the door was mainly glass not solid wood which it would have needed to be to make that noise. The security light hadn't gone on either
I heard light knocking on my door several times during a very stressful period of my life, there was no one there, no wind, next door away some of the times. Scary as hell but no one there
As for phantom piano playing, there is a thing called musical ear, it happens to some who are hard of hearing and what it manufeats as depends on your culture. In the case of my father it was Viennese orchestral music and chois singing old hymns accompanied by the organ. It did upset him but he did accept that in a detached house it wasn't neighbors, just really confused as to what it was
With some people it may well manifest as piano music

Kate0902900908 · 27/08/2022 16:43

My friends grandad did this to his neighbour but it was a fence. It was the start of dementia he hit the fence himself after never having hit it in 30 - 40 years. He blamed neighbours newly driving son. I would ask for the family to come and speak to them

AndreaWindow · 27/08/2022 17:36

Sounds like there' somethin' strange in your neighborhood. Who you gonna call?

OzBoy · 27/08/2022 17:50

She's trying it on and/or she's batty. Stand your ground.

Ginandtonics · 27/08/2022 18:13

We had a new downstairs neighbour who used to shout, hammer on the ceiling, accuse us of various stuff. We sent her an email saying what she was doing amounted to harassment, gave an example, said it was upsetting and unjustified and requested she stop. She did. It's possible your neighbour has behaved like this previously but regardless, it's good to have something polite but firm in writing to show you are listening but don't intend to 'cough up'.

readingbluecat32 · 27/08/2022 20:00

We had something very similar when we moved to a private road in a period cottage.
our neighbour came over to say our cat had climbed into her house and knocked over an ornament and she wanted us to pay for it. I asked if she had proof was our animal (as we had no cat flap, so had to physically let her out and in. So we knew she hadn’t been out at the time she said), there were multiple animals on the street.
sadly I think maybe loneliness and boredom factored into her wanting to have some drama in her life, as she accused multiple neighbours animals over the years we later heard.
if you dial your local non urgent police unit - they were amazing and advise and just logging the incident so that if it did get more heated we were able to keep a paper trail and follow correct advise.

Johntoewba · 27/08/2022 20:05

Tell her to fuck off

Blantw · 27/08/2022 20:24

I've said you are not being unreasonable, but nobody really knows what there kids have been up to whilst the parents are away.

Lizziespring · 27/08/2022 20:36

I used to work for an older peoples charity. One elderly woman asked us to replace an entire bathroom.suite because she beli ofeved her carer had broken it. We knew she had dementia so explained very nicely and gently in writing, that hadn't happened and continued to visit her. If it this is a similar situation, then nobody is at fault including your neighbour. I'd put it in writing if I were you, and try to be as friendly and kind as poss. And your other new neighbours will surely re alise and not demonise you!

PeachyPoppedBack · 27/08/2022 20:48

Please don’t worry about the rest of the village. We had an awful neighbour and I was so embarrassed wondering what I had done to trigger it, turned out she was like that to everyone and they all felt really sorry for us. Chances are she is the same if it isn’t dementia.

KosherDill · 27/08/2022 20:48

Any update, OP?

Jellicoe · 27/08/2022 22:32

Sounds like she is trying to Frame DS! 😂

Pollyj60 · 27/08/2022 22:38

Yes I agree, I like to have everything on paper & also keep copies. Even post the letter recorded delivery so you can prove she received it.

Original poster
4or5 · 28/08/2022 01:28

@Blantw we weren’t away!….. it was the kid that wasn’t there.

OP posts:
abs12 · 28/08/2022 01:37

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 24/08/2022 23:52

As @OnTheBrinkOfChange said. ^ I would actually write her a letter before action. Threaten her with legal action for harassment. What the fuck is wrong with her, and who does she think she is?!

She sounds like the entitled fucker in my local Aldi today, who wanted me to let her in front at the checkout coz she has only 5 items. I had 7. When she said 'can I just nip in front of you as I only have 5 items and I am in a rush?' I said 'well I have only 7 items, and I am in a rush too, so I'm gonna say no.' She flipped her fucking lid, said I was a selfish cow, and stormed off to another checkout.

Sounds like the same kind of weirdo as your neighbour!

Hardly. Have some respect, patience and empathy. She's elderly. Whether she's entitled, demented, or trying it on, it's irrelevant. Aggression will only escalate the situation and then the family really will be the scum of the village. Chill out.

Original poster
4or5 · 28/08/2022 01:41

Not much to update. I have seen that the family have been over to my neighbour on a couple of occasions but nobody has called round and said anything.(good or bad) I now suspect the family probably think the same as most of MN.
I didn’t approach them either, as I have opted for ignore for now and see if anymore is said…. And I’m a wimp.
I feel I should reiterate, I have not been and do not intend to be rude or unkind to my neighbour, I never disputed the broken picture, only our/DS responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
4or5 · 28/08/2022 01:43

@readingbluecat32 sounds very similar! Did your neighbour make any more accusations to yourselves or was the first “no I’m not paying” enough to be left alone?

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 28/08/2022 01:53

That's a fine reaction OP
Her picture being broken is nothing to do with you, it's nonsense as many have said- so if you prefer to ignore her , that's probably sensible.

mocctl · 28/08/2022 06:30

You say she has a reputation for getting muddled, so maybe she just got the time muddled and your boy was home and at fault, or maybe not. As it can't really be proved either way and if it is a small amount and you can afford it then why not just give it to her and make it clear you are not accepting responsibility and it is a one off goodwill gesture. Better than escalating to a feud which may ruin your home life. I did notice you said your son was not at home at the time and not that he would not be banging or goofing around . Compromise not conflict. Otherwise you can try to blame it on on of them there poltergeists.

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