Neighbour demanding money

[4or5]

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

Oooh you know the myth legend. When a picture falls off the wall it’s the spirit of the dead person passing over 😨

Absolutely

🤣🤣🤣

My husbands elderly aunt used to complain that people were banging on the walls of her (secluded) bungalow but strangely the people who lived in her loft didn't bother her- she was just upset they hadn't asked before they moved in 🥴 The day she fell, was taken to A&E, no injuries found, was being assessed for discharge when the doctor asked if she lived alone was her downfall (no pun intended.) 'Of course not' she indignantly replied, who do you live with he asked? 'my father - of course,' She was 92. 🤣 the mind plays strange games when we get old. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You'd be better off starting your own thread about this

Tell her you think she must have a Poltergeist in her house!

I stopped using picture wire years ago when a framer warned me that it becomes very brittle as it ages and can break with no warning. If something is hung securely, there is no way it can be knocked off a wall by someone banging on the other side, certainly not a brick wall. We used to live in a new build semi d with walls like cardboard. Our next door neighbour had three little boys who would bounce off the wall as they ran down the stairs, playing with each other. All our pictures used to rattle but not once, in two years, did anything fall down. And those kids could really bounce each other!

My elderly neighbour took to wandering round asking people to take him to work as ‘that bitch’ wouldn’t drive him. Closely followed by his poor wife on the verge of tears at trying to put up with his dementia. Horrible to see.

Tell her she must have a poltergeist and offer her the number of the local priest to arrange an exorcism, follow up with the address of the Vatican for the bill is she persists

I remember hearing about a thing where you hear loud bangs and noises in your head, but externally there is no noise.

Brains are both weird and wonderful.

The fact that she is aware of your conversation enough to change the time lines in her telling indicates that she is not muddled by dementia imo.

I would get a formal letter drafted citing harassment and noting that the Time given in her initial approach proved no fault on your part and subsequent attempts to change times to fit by her are disingenuous at best and fraudulent at worst.

Also note that the wall is solid brick and it is her responsibility to ensure that any fixtures, fittings, decorations or ornaments are sufficiently secured.

Additionally she has not proven that it was appropriately secured before it fell, nor have you been given the chance to inspect the picture hanging to satisfy yourself that it was not due to her poor workmanship or maintenance.

i would also add that you would not be content to inspect the site now based on time passed and that her own attempt to lie about times indicates that you would not trust that she has not tampered with it.

I stopped using picture wire years ago when a framer warned me that it becomes very brittle as it ages and can break with no warning

Oh blimey. My mirror over the hearth fell a few months ago because I'd used string which had worn through. Amazingly it didn't break. I've replaced string with wire thinking it would fine, but now pondering... the chimney breast gets hot when we have the fire lit... is my wire going to deteriorate fast now?

The onus is on her to prove you caused the damage, which obviously she can’t do. If she’s threatened to get her family involved I’d be inclined to call police because that sounds like a threat to do you harm and I’d not tolerate that. It’s probably an idle threat anyway. Sounds to me like she might have dementia

My elderly neighbour has dementia I am sure of it, either that or she is just a horrible old bitch. We walked past her with our grandson in his trolley the other day, she said 'dirty c**nts' to us and shut her door 😅😅 (one of many many incidents). Other neighbours say that she terrorised our sweet couple predecessors. We're hoping she doesn't last much longer 🤞🤞

Sounds like my elderly CF neighbour who takes any opportunity she sees us to make passive aggressive comments about our house and garden even though they have no effect on her life whatsoever e.g. bins in wrong position etc

she took her hedge down as she was unable to cut it anymore (in between houses) and her and her family wanted us to pay towards it, I told them to contact the HA we rent from if they wanted money towards it. I wasn’t getting involved with any of that as if anything happened to (wasn’t put up very well and first strong wind we had it was down) she would be expecting money every time. I just do not engage

Just to add she doesn’t get on with anyone in our row due to a dispute over bins or something so tells you all you need to know really

Er - no one is saying she’s ‘doolally’ - if that’s how you see dementia then you really need to educate yourself. Dementia is a very real possibility as it presents in different ways according to the root cause.

I used to deal with noise nuisance complaints for the council and there a few instances of elderly people complaining about banging noise from next door. We used to lend them sound recorders, do noise levelling exercises and even sat in their flat/house in the evening but could never establish any noise. We questioned other neighbours and in several instances never found any evidence. I therefore think that some elderly people just have loud tinnitus or some other heating condition but they think the noise is coming from elsewhere and not in their own head

I wonder if her old neighbour was quiet and she isn’t quite used to having a busy family next door. My parents lived in a solid brick semi detached when I was growing up and we had the loveliest little old lady next door. Years later after I had moved out a family moved in and my god I couldn’t believe the things you could hear! My mum and dad loved it and said it reminded them of when we moved in as a young family. She also commented at all the noise our neighbour must have had from us! Maybe the noise is driving her a bit mad and when the picture fell in her head it’s automatically your fault. I think you seemed to handle it well, hopefully nothing else will come of it. If she is a nippy sweetie I’m sure her family will tell her to stop being silly.

OP I sympathise because neighbors causing stress can be awful.

Before now DH and I moved into together, I had my own place. It was a flat above another flat.
The lady downstairs was abusive from the day I moved in, literally coming charging over to the front gate as I was moving boxes in, asking who the eff I was and saying she had "told" the council her granddaughter was moving in upstairs. I tried to politely say my flat was not council but private rent but she called me a liar. She then started taking stuff off my balcony and bringing it back downstairs as I moved bits in bit by bit.

I had to call the police as a simple hour of moving in as I didn't have much stuff went on for near on two and a half hours with her shouting abuse. Police came, said she was calm now and granddaughter was on her way.

The granddaughter was a spoiled little cow and on a par with her gran. I thought she was coming to apologise. She was coming to tell me off for upsetting her poor old granny and demanded to know why I had "grassed her up". I shut the door on her

For the two years I lived there, it was a nightmare. A living hell. I had police turn up weekly, accusing me variously of drug dealing, burglary, being a prostitute, and having loud parties and fights in the flat and garden. All of it was rubbish. I actually had to contact the police complaints commission as it became harassment and police fell for it each time. Some would be very embarrassed, a few were downright rude, suggesting I had got rid of evidence and no smoke without fire.

The final straw was when I was away all weekend and my flat got broken into. Her granddaughter said, as I waited for police "oh dear, did someone rob you?" She laughed. I could never prove it but I'm convinced it was to do with her.

My landlord was sympathetic but said he couldn't do much as the flat below was a council flat. Council was useless. I wasn't their tenant so tough luck.

The final straw was when the gran got herself a fella. He was abusive as hell. Used to roar at me for being loud and upsetting his princess. It was farcical.

I was coming home from work, it was dark and he flew out the front door, her close behind shouting that I had flooded her flat. I ran up the stairs to my flat with them following me and just got the door shut. He started kicking and hammering on it. I was in tears. I shut myself in my bathroom.

I called DH (DP as he was then) and he jumped in his car and drove straight over. The neighbors had gone back downstairs by this time, DH rang to be let in and that's when I felt safe to leave my bathroom.

He went back downstairs and asked what this leak was about. Apparently they said my washing machine had done it and had been leaking for months. First I'd heard of it

So DH goes up to my flat, pulls the washer out, bone dry. Not a drip. No moisture at all. He demands the man downstairs comes up, he didn't even apologise.

Then the police turned up as another neighbour heard the banging and I think was worried for me.

The police's attitude? After a year and a bit of coming to bitch at me at her request, never finding anything to be there for?

"Well you shouldn't wind her up then"

That evening I told my landlord I'm going, I moved into DHs flat and the landlord let me off my notice. I had lost 2 stone with stress.

All I can suggest is if she turns up, and as her story has already changed, record her with your phone. That way you can prove she's lying. I would agree about raising a concern via adult social care. It's your home and she has no right to demand money or threaten about her family.

I bet her family are as bad. Cough up? Who on earth does she think she is

She probably has some MH issue. If so, the rest of the village already knows and you won't face any criticism from the community.

We've had far worse from dementing neighbours and IME, in small rural communities the local police and emergency services are very kind and understanding in their patient support of local residents with longterm confusion.

Hold firm. Ignore.

I’ve had some pictures fall off the wall and my nearest neighbour is half a mile away… Ridiculous to suggest you should pay OP.

I would politely ignore the issue and just say hello in a friendly way but not enter into any discussion with her. For a picture to drop off the wall there'd have to have been some kind of earthquake or hardcore hammer drilling. She has lost touch with reality and yes maybe her fixings failed for some reason - it does happen. I'd just smile vaguely and sympathetically.

During covid I worked in a care home. One of the residents didn’t have any mental issues, he was there because he had a muscular disorder and extremely limited mobility. During covid all the residents were confined to their rooms for months and months and months. He started to go mad and kept telling me someone was banging on the wall, I would have believed him but next to his room was an cupboard that was locked and nobody used. I was very sad for him. Maybe she is lonely and hearing things :(