Neighbour demanding money

[4or5]

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

[readingbluecat32]

We didn’t get anymore about the broken ornaments, it moved onto other things - like that our hedges were coming over her side and some other silly things. We remained polite but firm on our boundaries.
sadly it only stopped when she sadly passed away, he son even asked us to mind the keys for the estate agent - so I think he knew that we had no fault and he seemed fine with us.

[Chezandme123]

Yep the old bird has lost the plot . Wot shame. someone in her family needs to go visit and wise her up on her facts. Don’t pay for the picture frame . Send the council round to check her walls maybe if pushed send her some flowers tell her to get well soon. And close the matter.

[4or5]

@mocctl my boy is 20 not a little child, he wasn’t home till 11:30 and was certainly not banging or goofing around at that time of night. He didn’t even put his telly on, he went straight to bed. There is no way I am going to pay £100 for something he didn’t do, goodwill or not!
I didn’t say she has a ‘reputation’ of being muddled, I said that a neighbour mentioned she gets muddled sometimes, and that I also don’t know her well enough to comment on that.
Can you honestly say you would pay for something that you know is not your fault?
ps: £100 is not a small amount to me.

[CeeCee2022]

Whilst this could be nothing from experience I would take note and then try to forget about it just now and wait and see if anything else happens. My next door neighbour used to do things like this and then it escalated to noise complaints( saying we were playing loud party music when I had a newborn in the house and was just trying to sleep)it became do bad with banging on walls ect I had to call the police and ask then to do a safeguarding for her.... afterwards her family thanked me because she lived alone and whilst they knew she had some memory loss she was given a dementia diagnosis as the police prompted them to go to GP.

[Endlesslypatient82]

how many bedrooms does your home have out of interest op?

[McClaire]

I think maybe your neighbour has got her facts wrong but is not aware of it.
The banging could have come from somewhere else but because her picture fell off at the same time she thinks the banging is the cause of the picture falling off.

[Teapot11]

Hey dont assume things. you can still hear noises through brick party walls of semi. I can hear my next door neighbour at times talking to his cat.I'm sure he can hear my hoover or my telly too. But we're mindful of each other not to be too noisy.

Is actually OP good neighbour? Are you telling the full story?
My mum is elderly and has had new neighbours. They have been taking advantage of her because she is elderly. They park across her driveway. And they are noisy. I have had to ask them to move so I can get in with shopping or to get her in the car. She can't walk much so car needs to get in the driveway to get her in.

So maybe OP have caused her bother before and now she is feeling it must be their fault. Have they been making alterations and not warned her that there will be noise? How did you respond to her politely or rude?Sometimes talking politely, pre warning and apologising that there will be noise, going round to check helps diffuse and come to a resolution.
Old people respond to kindness and respect and they love attention because they are often alone. Try that first .

[Endlesslypatient82]

Did the op confirm whether terraced or semi detached?

Either way… 7 people living In OP’s home, including teens, toddlers and adult children.
Neighbour lives alone.

setting aside the frame for a moment, I’m wondering whether she is just sick of the noise generally?

[4or5]

@Teapot11 @Endlesslypatient82
The story I told is the full story. I accept you can hear through a party wall but this particular evening the room in question was empty! When I went to see the neighbour she said that she doesn’t hear any noise from us, and that it was only that evening….. again that evening the room was empty, so I CAN say with absolute certainty that she did not hear any noise coming from this house. I am not suggesting she is lying about her picture, but sometimes things fall off walls, I sympathise but sympathy doesn’t make me responsible.
We only move here 4 months ago and I have been nothing but polite, not just to her, but to all the neighbours. I even ask her if she needs anything when I go to the shops. I knocked round to check on her when I noticed the paper still in her letterbox well into the afternoon. We’ve cut back all her hedges for her as she isn’t able to do it herself. My husband fixed her fence when the wind blew it down! We have been good neighbours.
With respect to the size of my family, I was reluctant to answer this question, as I knew there would be an automatic assumption that we must be noisy…. This is not the case, my children have been raised to be respectful. They are not allowed to play loud music, their TV’s are not allowed past a certain level, the toddlers even get called in from the garden if they are too loud. I am very aware what people think of larger families. I grew up in one and now have one of my own which is exact the reason I don’t allow noise and disrespectful behaviour. It’s unfair to make assumptions that a family of 7 must be neighbours from hell. Being a primary school teacher. If I can control an entire class of 30 7yr olds, my 5 children aren’t an issue!!
With regard to the house, yes I did confirm it’s semi detached but it has also been heavily extended (not by us!) the way it is laid out means that the only rooms with a party wall are the bedrooms of my DS (20) downstairs. Bedroom of DS (13) and bedroom of DD (17) the little two share a room in the middle of the house not on a party wall, our room is in the extension as is the lounge, so she definitely can’t hear our TV. No we have not had any renovations etc, we chose the house because we like it as it is, and because it would work for our family and because we wanted a quiet life!
I am not taking advantage of anyone, I have said more than once that I don’t know my neighbour well enough to comment on her mental state, I haven’t suggested she’s a nasty liar or anything of the sort. My post was about a picture that, for whatever reason fell off the wall, and my neighbour wanting us to pay for it.

[Endlesslypatient82]

Op

please accept that 7 people living in a semi/terraced including toddlers, teens, young adult WILL be heard very regularly by your solo living neighbour. Doesn’t mean your children are disrespectful etc but unless you gag the toddlers and stop the teen from ever listening to music for example - she will hear you. And it is not unreasonable that she does occasionally.

However I reckon she did not tell you that she has “never” heard you. I’m sorry - i do think you are fibbing about that.

I am not criticising you!! I am just saying that ithis totally daft to say that 7 people from 3-adult wouldn’t be heard by your attached single neighbour!

[LookItsMeAgain]

@Endlesslypatient82 - I would disagree. I live in a semi-detached house and my next door neighbours cannot hear what goes on in my property and I cannot hear what goes on in theirs.
Strangely enough, my neighbours that I'm not attached to, are louder and I can hear them more.

Even so, if a picture in my house fell off the wall in my house, I wouldn't be approaching my neighbour (on either side) to cover the cost of reframing said picture. I would accept that I hadn't hung the picture properly or given it enough support to hang properly.

[Chellabella]

I think you’d need to keep this quite minimal
and simple. there is no evidence that your son banged so hard on a brick wall it caused this, and that’s essentially
the end of it. It’s not even a criminal matter, it’s a civil matter. She would need to claim
on her own house insurance which is pathetic in itself.

if she knocks on again just say we’ve had the conversation and I won’t be paying it, your contact now is actually unwanted so if it continues I will be calling the police.

I would sack of any letter, it doesn’t have to be that complicated.

[Willitwork999]

The bang she heard would be the sound of the picture landing after it fell from the wall due to the string or nail holding it failed.

[Endlesslypatient82]

@LookItsMeAgain

@Endlesslypatient82 - I would disagree. I live in a semi-detached house and my next door neighbours cannot hear what goes on in my property and I cannot hear what goes on in theirs.
Strangely enough, my neighbours that I'm not attached to, are louder and I can hear them more.

Even so, if a picture in my house fell off the wall in my house, I wouldn't be approaching my neighbour (on either side) to cover the cost of reframing said picture. I would accept that I hadn't hung the picture properly or given it enough support to hang properly.

Your neighbours… 7 of them including toddler, child, teen and young adult?

[Thinkingblonde]

@Willitwork999

The bang she heard would be the sound of the picture landing after it fell from the wall due to the string or nail holding it failed.

That’s what woke us up the night our picture fell off the wall. An almighty crash, it knocked the clock off the mantle piece too.
The string had frayed due to the convected air from the fire moving the picture ever so slightly over time.

[LookItsMeAgain]

@Endlesslypatient82 - no, I've 4 on one side (the side I share a party wall with) and they are the family I cannot hear. They have young children and I have teenagers.
On the other side, I have no idea because girlfriends and friends in general can stay over so I have no firm idea how many are in that house, yet this is the house I can hear.

I'm not the OP's neighbour by the way. Just showing how good building materials and soundproofing at the build stage can pay dividends in the long run.

@4or5 - perhaps you should consider getting soundproofing installed?

[Herejustforthisone]

However I reckon she did not tell you that she has “never” heard you. I’m sorry - i do think you are fibbing about that.

There you go again, @Endlesslypatient82 , accusing OPs of lying again. Why is that?

[maddening]

@Endlesslypatient82

Op

please accept that 7 people living in a semi/terraced including toddlers, teens, young adult WILL be heard very regularly by your solo living neighbour. Doesn’t mean your children are disrespectful etc but unless you gag the toddlers and stop the teen from ever listening to music for example - she will hear you. And it is not unreasonable that she does occasionally.

However I reckon she did not tell you that she has “never” heard you. I’m sorry - i do think you are fibbing about that.

I am not criticising you!! I am just saying that ithis totally daft to say that 7 people from 3-adult wouldn’t be heard by your attached single neighbour!

But even if they are so what? Normal living noise is what you expect living attached or near others, you have no sufficient argument to keep going on about whether or not the op makes any noise and whether the noise is within reasonable statutory noise requirements.

The neighbour has not complained about noise, it is only about a picture which the neighbour had not sufficiently secured to her own wall.

I do believe you op though.

[TheHumanExperience]

@Sunshinegirl82

Maybe worth writing a polite letter back, confirming your original discussion (including the timings she mentioned! Together with your explanation that DS was at work etc) and following up on the recent conversation confirming you don't believe you are liable for anything/owe her anything. Never hurts to have a paper trail! Keep a copy for yourself.

This is good advice. Quote what she originally said and your reply.

Does anyone have a Ring doorbell? It can be a godsend in situations like this. Ask your neighbours.

I have a batty old dear next to me. Very unpleasant indeed. She has offended every neighbour around her. Now at least I know I'm not the only target. 🙈

[wiseansmart]

No one came onto the property or threw anything to the neighbors property wall to cause this picture to fall from what I read. Maybe there was a vibration in the ground from utilitiy workers or something nearby that " also" could have affected this. Or maybe the hook just gave up.. who knows. This is why you have personal house insurance. If picture is valuable as stated then make a claim to your insurance for it. Otherwise you may have to just let it go. Not worth the blame game because you did not exactly how it happened. Music can cause issues around when loud enough but it would have to be pretty loud and I am sure " another " neighbor would have heard as well if this was the case as stated. Not sure if you want to make enemies with your neighbor either as that road can be bumpy for a long time after. Advice for both involved is to choose your battles carefully- both of you. This is not worth the trouble. Maybe your wonderful young son can offer grass cutting- maybe she just needs some good old fashioned attention - or make her a cup of tea and invite over to meet your children. There is a great deal to be learned from one with years of wisdom who has raised children. Might make for some fun discussions .

[Tiani4]

@wiseansmart I am not sure who you are talking to in your post. You've gotten confused,

OP is not asking her neighbour to pay for her picture falling from the wall, that's the neighbour!

OP is not making an enemy of her neighbour, it's her neighbour make veiled threats and demands if OP doesn't cough up £100

You haven't RTFT as OP clearly said she has been polite friendly and offered to run errands for her neighbour since she (OP) moved in

Terrible advice to suggest OP should her son round to mow the lawn of this neighbour!! . Much better to ignore and steer clear

[paulajon]

"The wall between the two houses is also solid brick..."
Ask your neighbour for proof that the banging she claims to have heard was sufficient to travel through a solid wall and dislodge a picture.
Seriously, if it the noise was that bad how come you didn't hear it?

[Cruisebabe1]

@4or5

I don’t know her well enough to know if dementia is starting… or whether her family have/will accept that as a possibility. Other neighbours have said she gets muddled sometimes so certainly a possibility in my view, plus she is now trying to change the time of the ‘picture falling incident’ obviously because DS can’t take the blame for original time frame!

I had a neighbour like this , elderly with a fixation on fences and driveways. She did have dementia living on her own for 20 years and she just raged and raged. Her family rarely visited . Poor you.