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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour demanding money

248 replies

4or5 · 24/08/2022 23:42

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

OP posts:
SapphireSeptember · 26/08/2022 20:56

@ReformedWaywardTeen Oh my lord, that sounds horrendous. I wonder if she was the same with the next tenant, and I wonder if she'd have been so awful if you were a big burly bloke. The police falling for her bullshit and not standing up for you is awful too (and that you were burgled, possibly by her or her equally nasty granddaughter, I hope you didn't lose anything sentimental.) Sad

Emmelina · 26/08/2022 20:58

I bet the previous occupants had issues too. Demanding money. Threatening to send family members round. Sounds like a nightmare.

Caroffee · 26/08/2022 21:03

It sounds like you've moved next door to the village crazy/CF. I expect that's why the last set of neighbours moved out. Stand firm. She's essentially blackmailing you and will keep doing so if you give in this time. Call the police if necessary.

VioletInsolence · 26/08/2022 21:06

Old people are just often grumpy. My mum blames the kids in her local park from everything from the spread of covid to global warming!

justasking111 · 26/08/2022 21:22

Bungalow below us so our garden and hers between us. The elderly lady dragged herself around to ask us to stop playing our piano until midnight. Two probl here we're in bed at ten and we don't have a piano. OH took her back in the car. Aural hallucinations do happen we found out later

gatehouseoffleet · 26/08/2022 21:22

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 25/08/2022 00:14

Or try to ge understanding that something is going on for irrational behaviour?

Show quote history

She could just be irrational. People aren't rational.

Her picture fell off the wall so she's looking for someone to blame and foot the bill. It doesn't have to be dementia. Miserable git syndrome sounds much more likely, even if she gets muddled occasionally.

Ihavenoauthority · 26/08/2022 21:34

Great post suetow, I know exactly what you mean!

SemperIdem · 26/08/2022 21:42

Ignore her, don’t engage in any way whatsoever.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 26/08/2022 21:52

Seriously I wouldn’t engage with this woman.

And we need to stop making excuses for people’s cuntish behaviour.

I had an arsehole neighbour who came round to complain time and time and time again about my dogs barking even though her’s was the dog who barked constantly, she said I was an awful person and all of the neighbours had had a meeting to discuss me and what to do about me. One day she collared me on my way home and started on a 10 minute tirade of what an awful person I was and how the whole neighbourhood were starting a petition to have e evicted, (I own the house so good luck with that.)

What she didn’t know was that I had set my phone on to record, and after she’d yammered on for sufficient time I told her that I’d recorded her entire conversation and would be going to the police.

She ran screaming into her house and never spoke to me again. I subsequently found out that she’d already alienated all the rest of the neighbours.

They moved about a year later and left their house in such a state that the new owners took them to court.

SpeakingMyThoughts · 26/08/2022 21:57

Perhaps contact Social Services mentioning the concerns you have about her living alone and getting confused.

NattyNatashia · 26/08/2022 22:05

If there was genuinely no one in then clearly not your responsibility but even if there was, to knock a picture off when then is a solid brick wall would require a hell of a bang, likely far more than could be done by a person. I had a picture fab from the wall when next door were installing large foundations for an underground pool, it happened after two days of a massive machine banging in large metal supports - not from someone banging a wall.

cherish123 · 26/08/2022 22:26

Reply by letter, explaining why you, as a family, are not responsible and are, therefore, not paying. She may have dementia.

Tallisimo · 26/08/2022 22:40

Neighbour is talking bollocks. Just smile and ignore.

Sitdowncupoftea · 26/08/2022 22:44

I had a bad neighbour once. The only way to resolve this is regardless of her age is to tell her your not responsible. Tell her straight its her problem. If she hung the picture correctly it would not have fallen off. Tell her that you won't tolerate her behaviour and to leave you alone or you will take legal action and phone the police. Follow it through if anything further happens. My advice move because problem neighbours dont stop.

CountessWindyBottom · 26/08/2022 23:35

BlodynGwyn · 25/08/2022 02:08

Please be nice to her.

Years ago my elderly grandfather blamed something really bizarre on his neighbors. It was dementia that had been coming on slowly which he'd managed to hide - until that one night when all hell broke loose. We lived on the same street and I remember my father being so embarrassed and shocked. That was over 50 years ago. About 8 years ago my own father thought his long time neighbor was up to no good. He even stood at his kitchen window and watched the neighbor carry out these wicked deeds, which were hallucinations caused by my father's Parkinson's. Luckily he never confronted the neighbor, but came very close to. He understood it was the PD and also remembered what his father had gone through.

Talk to her family. Be kind, it can happen to the best of us.

I completely agree with all of this 💞

Dita73 · 27/08/2022 00:07

@Fisifoofoo i am well aware of dementia and the different kinds there are. My own Nan had it badly until she died in November. It’s bloody evil. I also know that 1 in 6 people over the age of 80 have it. This means that 5 out of 6 don’t have it. Elderly people are just like everyone else,sometimes good and sometimes bad. There is every chance that this woman is just a chancer and trying to get some cash. It’s said that sickness is a mighty power. This is very true and being elderly can also sometimes be used that way. I had a grandad who took great delight in being awkward and manipulative knowing full well that my dad felt sorry for him and therefore guilty for the smallest thing. He had no need to feel bad as he was a wonderful loyal son but his father was simply not a nice man and enjoyed seeing him tormented. If the OP’s neighbour persists with this then maybe she should talk to the family but I wouldn’t automatically assume she’s unwell just because she’s made a false accusation

DixonD · 27/08/2022 00:42

ReformedWaywardTeen · 26/08/2022 20:08

OP I sympathise because neighbors causing stress can be awful.

Before now DH and I moved into together, I had my own place. It was a flat above another flat.
The lady downstairs was abusive from the day I moved in, literally coming charging over to the front gate as I was moving boxes in, asking who the eff I was and saying she had "told" the council her granddaughter was moving in upstairs. I tried to politely say my flat was not council but private rent but she called me a liar. She then started taking stuff off my balcony and bringing it back downstairs as I moved bits in bit by bit.

I had to call the police as a simple hour of moving in as I didn't have much stuff went on for near on two and a half hours with her shouting abuse. Police came, said she was calm now and granddaughter was on her way.

The granddaughter was a spoiled little cow and on a par with her gran. I thought she was coming to apologise. She was coming to tell me off for upsetting her poor old granny and demanded to know why I had "grassed her up". I shut the door on her

For the two years I lived there, it was a nightmare. A living hell. I had police turn up weekly, accusing me variously of drug dealing, burglary, being a prostitute, and having loud parties and fights in the flat and garden. All of it was rubbish. I actually had to contact the police complaints commission as it became harassment and police fell for it each time. Some would be very embarrassed, a few were downright rude, suggesting I had got rid of evidence and no smoke without fire.

The final straw was when I was away all weekend and my flat got broken into. Her granddaughter said, as I waited for police "oh dear, did someone rob you?" She laughed. I could never prove it but I'm convinced it was to do with her.

My landlord was sympathetic but said he couldn't do much as the flat below was a council flat. Council was useless. I wasn't their tenant so tough luck.

The final straw was when the gran got herself a fella. He was abusive as hell. Used to roar at me for being loud and upsetting his princess. It was farcical.

I was coming home from work, it was dark and he flew out the front door, her close behind shouting that I had flooded her flat. I ran up the stairs to my flat with them following me and just got the door shut. He started kicking and hammering on it. I was in tears. I shut myself in my bathroom.

I called DH (DP as he was then) and he jumped in his car and drove straight over. The neighbors had gone back downstairs by this time, DH rang to be let in and that's when I felt safe to leave my bathroom.

He went back downstairs and asked what this leak was about. Apparently they said my washing machine had done it and had been leaking for months. First I'd heard of it

So DH goes up to my flat, pulls the washer out, bone dry. Not a drip. No moisture at all. He demands the man downstairs comes up, he didn't even apologise.

Then the police turned up as another neighbour heard the banging and I think was worried for me.

The police's attitude? After a year and a bit of coming to bitch at me at her request, never finding anything to be there for?

"Well you shouldn't wind her up then"

That evening I told my landlord I'm going, I moved into DHs flat and the landlord let me off my notice. I had lost 2 stone with stress.

All I can suggest is if she turns up, and as her story has already changed, record her with your phone. That way you can prove she's lying. I would agree about raising a concern via adult social care. It's your home and she has no right to demand money or threaten about her family.

I bet her family are as bad. Cough up? Who on earth does she think she is

I felt stressed and anxious just reading that! Your poor thing. I’m glad you’re out of there now.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 27/08/2022 00:43

I'm pretty sure demanding money with menaces is illegal in the UK

RedToothBrush · 27/08/2022 00:57

Why are you even entertaining this.

If a picture fails off a wall in another house, the otherside of a brick wall, then how does she intend to prove liability?

The correct response is "are you having a laugh? stop trying to pull a fast one."

And have done with it.

Anything further is harassment.

MsAmerica · 27/08/2022 02:06

I'd seek out the equivalent of the village elder - police or councilman or whatever - and very sweetly explain how distressed you are, and ask if there are some odd laws there that you're unaware of.

That way you'll ideally learn if you have a case, and maybe get the village elder on your side, maybe even to intervene.

Baoing · 27/08/2022 02:18

I've experienced something not entirely dissimilar, OP, and it WAS early stage Alzheimer's. A few months later, the symptoms became more profound. We were also newcomers - it was tricky.

Rozes64 · 27/08/2022 05:44

PuppyMonkey · 26/08/2022 19:14

what with people quoting posts and then saying “wrong thread” and then others turning up with entirely unrelated holiday problems, I’m now ConfusedGrin

My fault
I've never posted on here snd thought I was creating a new thread, not replying to someone's post, and I can't find how to delete it

Rozes64 · 27/08/2022 05:46

It is highly likely she has dementia, maybe in its early stages. That doesn't help with your problem, but if you know who her GP might be, you could have a word with them I think

BloodyCamping · 27/08/2022 06:13

Keep a log book with all the facts and communication. What a nightmare. She might just be trying to scam your family

Joysutty · 27/08/2022 07:48

Yes, agree alziemers or demintia or early onset dementia. other signs are aggression and forgetfulness, needs medical attention.