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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ditch staying at ILs and book a hotel

337 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 21:39

At the ILs at the moment, arrived today, staying in their spare rooms at their insistence- we wanted to get a hotel for these 2 nights like we usually do. But ILs were quite offended at the thought of us doing that yet again and made a bit of a deal about us staying at theirs this time. So we agreed.

We have 2 DC, 5 & 9, and this house is so not a child-friendly environment. MIL is always freaking out about the kids touching the walls, fretting about them knocking over the 5,271 trinkets she has on each of the million sideboards they own, not letting us play UNO at any of the tables in case we scratch the varnished surfaces etc.

i can cope with all of that just about. But what’s really pissed me off is the fact that Ive just spent over an hour trying to get a terrified 5yo to sleep because of a stupid ‘rule’, and have just raised the white flag.

So ILs went to bed at 8pm. They don’t usually sleep so early but I suspect it’s a PA way of telling us we’ve knackered them out.

Anyway this was the same time as DS’s bedtime. Being a 5yo boy he’s terrified of the dark and at home we leave the landing light on when he’s in bed and the door ajar. Did this tonight and (Step)FIL came out and knocked the landing light off then stomped back into the bedroom. DS screamed for me, so I raced back in and comforted him. Thought SFIL probably didn’t realise that DS would be scared, so I turned it back on then realised that Thier bedroom door was open a good 2 feet. SFIL came out and said “actually the landing light has to stay off. We leave our bedroom door open in case the cat wants to come in, and the light being on is disturbing us trying to sleep.” I said oh right it’s just DS is really frightened of total dark and he said “Oh well never mind. good night” and went back to bed.

Cue an hour of me going between trying to get DS to put up with it being dark, to putting on the bedroom lamp (that has no shade, because why would it, they have 3 fucking candle extinguishers in the room but no lampshade) and that was too bright, to trying to bring in other (shaded) lamps from other rooms, which just distracted him.

After an hour of trying to calm DS down/find the right lamp that’s not too bright and not too dim, like some sort of middle aged Goldilocks, I gave up and tag teamed with DH to take over.

He’s still up there now. Can hear ILs snoring like a pair of water buffalos (so pleased they have their door open). Can’t hear DS and DH so hoping they’ve fallen asleep too.

Why the fuck did the ILs ask us so desperately to come and stay at their home if they don’t want to make any adjustments for us being here? I know it’s their house but does that mean they should make a unnecessarily unpleasant environment for your 5yo grandson, because it might otherwise upset the bloody cat?

WIBU to book a hotel room for tomorrow? Even if I just take DS - it’s been years since I’ve had a struggle to get a child to sleep like that and I really CBA to do it all over again tomorrow.

To be clear: The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

OP posts:
Creepymanonagoatfarm · 24/08/2022 21:41

Tbh I would go now. They aren't hosting you are they really?
Bed at 8 and stuff your guests comfort?
Sod that.

Hoolahulahoop · 24/08/2022 21:41

Book the hotel 100percent

JennyMule · 24/08/2022 21:42

Yep, local Premier Inn is beckoning right now I reckon!

NoToLandfill · 24/08/2022 21:43

Just go

JennyMule · 24/08/2022 21:43

Obvs leave a note. You don't want to appear rude.

walskdb · 24/08/2022 21:43

I would have already left tbh

Mum2jenny · 24/08/2022 21:43

I’d never stay there again, but it’s your decision whether to cut and run on this occasion.
never ever stay there again imo

Thatiswild · 24/08/2022 21:44

Prioritise your child. Just say we are going to a hotel tonight as it took 2hr to get DS to sleep last night without the landing light on so to save any problem for your cat we will stay elsewhere. We’ve had the same happen with keeping the kids quiet while one slept in the day and early evening due to night shifts, sod that ever again. It just means no one can relax or enjoy any of it, I’m so sorry.

Hotandbothereds · 24/08/2022 21:44

Yes go, and just explain simply that DC won’t sleep and it’s impossible to do another night in this situation - how can they possibly disagree?

What’s the sleeping situation been like in the past? Hasn’t this happened before?

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 24/08/2022 21:44

In your case I would badly want to, but wouldn't as I wouldn't want to make waves, despite them being rude and inhospitable.

Can you buy a plug in nightlight tomorrow? I'd also put the landing light back on

bellac11 · 24/08/2022 21:45

If you didnt want to stay you shouldnt have stayed. Only you are in control of your choices not them

And its a good reminder of why I hate staying in other peoples homes. Hotel every time.

Just say you like having your own space. Its honest

WimpoleHat · 24/08/2022 21:45

Your DH needs to step up to this one. “This doesn’t work for us; DH can’t sleep without the light on. Probably better if we leave then we can all actually get some sleep.”

Sunnyqueen · 24/08/2022 21:45

Fuck that, I'd go tonight. Make the point that your fil is a massive prick.

WimpoleHat · 24/08/2022 21:46

DS can’t sleep, I meant!

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 24/08/2022 21:47

Actually, sod the hotel; unless it will cause a rift between you and your DH I’d just go home. This sounds totally miserable all round.

TokyoSushi · 24/08/2022 21:47

Agree, go, only slight question is how do you have the landing light on in a hotel?

MiddleParking · 24/08/2022 21:47

Has nothing else happened? It sounds like they’re making a point of being deliberately hostile.

Iloveacurry · 24/08/2022 21:47

They went to bed at 8!? Who does that!

Flitter123 · 24/08/2022 21:49

I would imagine it was MIL who was desperate to have you stay. SFIL is jealous of his step son and the grandchildren. I would just leave tomorrow and MIL can come stay with you another time if she wants.

StressfulBedtimes · 24/08/2022 21:49

What are you even there for? If they’re being rude and won’t let you even play bloody Uno what’s the point in even getting a hotel? Just go home!

bellac11 · 24/08/2022 21:49

TokyoSushi · 24/08/2022 21:47

Agree, go, only slight question is how do you have the landing light on in a hotel?

You'd leave the bedroom light on

walskdb · 24/08/2022 21:51

TokyoSushi · 24/08/2022 21:47

Agree, go, only slight question is how do you have the landing light on in a hotel?

We leave the ensuite light on with the door slightly ajar.

TokyoSushi · 24/08/2022 21:53

Oh yes the bathroom light!

Mum2jenny · 24/08/2022 21:54

If I’m away with kids, I take a sensor light with me so it illuminates if triggered and put in in either the bedroom or ensuite as required.

Magnolia08 · 24/08/2022 21:54

Not letting you play uno?! That's next level controlling Shock

I'd get your Goldilocks selves out of there asap!

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