To ditch staying at ILs and book a hotel

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

At the ILs at the moment, arrived today, staying in their spare rooms at their insistence- we wanted to get a hotel for these 2 nights like we usually do. But ILs were quite offended at the thought of us doing that yet again and made a bit of a deal about us staying at theirs this time. So we agreed.

We have 2 DC, 5 & 9, and this house is so not a child-friendly environment. MIL is always freaking out about the kids touching the walls, fretting about them knocking over the 5,271 trinkets she has on each of the million sideboards they own, not letting us play UNO at any of the tables in case we scratch the varnished surfaces etc.

i can cope with all of that just about. But what’s really pissed me off is the fact that Ive just spent over an hour trying to get a terrified 5yo to sleep because of a stupid ‘rule’, and have just raised the white flag.

So ILs went to bed at 8pm. They don’t usually sleep so early but I suspect it’s a PA way of telling us we’ve knackered them out.

Anyway this was the same time as DS’s bedtime. Being a 5yo boy he’s terrified of the dark and at home we leave the landing light on when he’s in bed and the door ajar. Did this tonight and (Step)FIL came out and knocked the landing light off then stomped back into the bedroom. DS screamed for me, so I raced back in and comforted him. Thought SFIL probably didn’t realise that DS would be scared, so I turned it back on then realised that Thier bedroom door was open a good 2 feet. SFIL came out and said “actually the landing light has to stay off. We leave our bedroom door open in case the cat wants to come in, and the light being on is disturbing us trying to sleep.” I said oh right it’s just DS is really frightened of total dark and he said “Oh well never mind. good night” and went back to bed.

Cue an hour of me going between trying to get DS to put up with it being dark, to putting on the bedroom lamp (that has no shade, because why would it, they have 3 fucking candle extinguishers in the room but no lampshade) and that was too bright, to trying to bring in other (shaded) lamps from other rooms, which just distracted him.

After an hour of trying to calm DS down/find the right lamp that’s not too bright and not too dim, like some sort of middle aged Goldilocks, I gave up and tag teamed with DH to take over.

He’s still up there now. Can hear ILs snoring like a pair of water buffalos (so pleased they have their door open). Can’t hear DS and DH so hoping they’ve fallen asleep too.

Why the fuck did the ILs ask us so desperately to come and stay at their home if they don’t want to make any adjustments for us being here? I know it’s their house but does that mean they should make a unnecessarily unpleasant environment for your 5yo grandson, because it might otherwise upset the bloody cat?

WIBU to book a hotel room for tomorrow? Even if I just take DS - it’s been years since I’ve had a struggle to get a child to sleep like that and I really CBA to do it all over again tomorrow.

To be clear: The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

Sounds Hellish

YANBU

Glad that you’ve booked the hotel, at least DC will have some fun tomorrow. Get your DH to do all communication about this decision and just keep yourself busy with entertaining DC and packing.
How old are parents by the way? They sound very old.

I think some parents can’t tolerate the idea that they need to make some adjustments of behavior for their own children. Such parents think that children should just fit in and follow their rules whatever children’s age and circumstances, even when they are parents with kids themselves. My Dad thinks that even now at 50 y.o. I should listen him politely, never argue ever so slightly and do what he’s told.
I sincerely hope I wouldn’t be like this with my DD.

God, they sound awful.

Hotel every time. Then everyone can relax and visiting will be no stress, or less of it.

I think I’m also a bit wound up because - whilst not directly their fault - DH has fallen asleep with DS, meaning we can’t moan about them in whispered voices and make fun of all the trinkets

So I’m all alone in the Bargain Hunt bed, listening to one of them snoring and the other sounds like they’re taking 15 large gulps every 2 seconds.

They’ll no doubt be up at the arse crack of dawn bellowing to each other and waking us all up. Oh thank god for early check in!

How old are parents by the way? They sound very old.

Im gonna get a telling off now because I described them as elderly and I know in MNland elderly means age 106 and above. But MIL is 70 and FIL must be 73 or so. But they do act like they’re 10 years older.

I'm glad you've booked the hotel.

They sound incredibly fucking rude. Who the hell goes to bed at 8pm when they've invited people to stay over? It's just so passive aggressive and rude

This all sounds awful.

The behaviour with the light gives you an easy way to leave politely, if that matters, as you can just say that you prefer to stay somewhere that your DS will get a good night’s sleep.

The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

Fuck 'em, OP. Go and stay where is most convenient for you.

Ikea do the best cheap plug in LED nightlights, small enough to keep one in the weekend away bag. They turn off in daylight so it doesn’t even matter if you forget to unplug it during the day.

But YANBU to book a hotel for tomorrow

Place marking for the update when you tell the IL's you're going. Really wish MN allowed you to upload audio content cos I so wanna be a fly on the wall for that convo.

Sorry, no help whatsoever!!

You arrived today and inlaws in bed by 8pm 🙀

if no light allowed I wouid have stayed with ds till asleep

I get the light thing. I can’t sleep in light

I get cat thing but could have pushed their door so almost shut. Cat could have got in

ataying elsewhere Tom makes sense or drive home

& why, at 5&9, do they not know better than to have their hands on the walls?? likewise with ornaments & stuff. (5&9 NT, no disabilities really are old enough to be careful.

Congratulations on having such perfect children.
Meanwhile, the rest of us have normal kids who may occasionally touch a wall or knock something over in a room that's crowded with knicknacks and clutter.

OP, just say "We think it's probably best for everyone if we stay in a hotel for the last night, as the kids aren't sleeping well and I think having kids in the house is hard on you too," and go.

Good in you for booking a hotel. They clearly can't get out of the headset of "father rules the roost" which is why he doesn't bother being the gracious host to you when he would for others.

I have to say that COVID has not had a good effect on some retirees. My own parents and most of their friends are great, and have been thrilled to get back into normal life, grandchildren and so on. But some elderly people have just retreated into themselves and become very rigid and fussy about life.

Book the hotel for tomorrow night. If a prized trinket or two got smashed tomorrow morning it would soften the blow of you leaving ...

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination

& why, at 5&9, do they not know better than to have their hands on the walls?? likewise with ornaments & stuff. (5&9 NT, no disabilities really are old enough to be careful.

Er, what? Are children in your house not allowed to touch the walls? Is this some weird religious shit?

Why ever not? What do you have on them, anti-climb paint?

We’ve got £1,000 per roll silk wallpaper all over and it’d still never occur to me to tell people not to touch it.

I’m fascinated now, what sort of other arbitrary batshit rules do your poor children have to obey?

Brilliantly evil, I like your style!

But MIL is 70 and FIL must be 73 or so. But they do act like they’re 10 years older.
Yes, they do, probably even 20 years older. Bedtime at 8 pm??? It does look PA. My MIL at this age would tidy up after dinner, make preparations for tomorrow and then sit and chat with DH and me about life, the perfect opportunity to catch up when DD was in bed.

I’m glad you have a hotel for tomorrow night. I am with you, I hate staying in other people’s homes, I’m just too old for that shit. I also can’t sleep in total darkness, I am nearly 60 but need a light on somewhere so I feel for your poor little boy,

@Blondeshavemorefun we arrived at 9am TBF to maximise our time here (fools). And have spent all day in the house. I mean I know we should own our choices and our feebleness, and possibly grow a backbone, but it’s another thing that has been a bit weird. ILs are the kind of like that Harry Enfield character who tells everyone they don’t want to do that. I suggested today that as its sunny we could go to the nearby outdoor pool.
here’s how it went:
FIL: “Oh no the changing rooms are dirty, you don’t want to go there. And they enforce a swim cap rule!”
Me: “That’s fine I can nip to the supermarket and buy some”
SFIL: “And waste money! No, totally pointless and it’s apparently going to rain later.. not worth the bother.”

It’s basically a command to not go and makes me feel like I’m a child again. Similar conversations happened when I brought up going shopping and to a farm park. So we stayed in. All day.

Like I am when my DSs and family visit, otherwise what's the point?

I'd have to be proper sick to go to bed at 8 with them visiting!

They sound a bit tiresome.
Hotel next time, and say you'll meet them at a farm or park.

100% this. What horrible hosts to be so unwelcoming and intolerant of any guests, but especially their own little grandchildren.

Sounds utterly grim.
Personally I'd go home.
To maintain the relationship I'd claim I was feeling unwell.
But I'd still go home.