To ditch staying at ILs and book a hotel

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

At the ILs at the moment, arrived today, staying in their spare rooms at their insistence- we wanted to get a hotel for these 2 nights like we usually do. But ILs were quite offended at the thought of us doing that yet again and made a bit of a deal about us staying at theirs this time. So we agreed.

We have 2 DC, 5 & 9, and this house is so not a child-friendly environment. MIL is always freaking out about the kids touching the walls, fretting about them knocking over the 5,271 trinkets she has on each of the million sideboards they own, not letting us play UNO at any of the tables in case we scratch the varnished surfaces etc.

i can cope with all of that just about. But what’s really pissed me off is the fact that Ive just spent over an hour trying to get a terrified 5yo to sleep because of a stupid ‘rule’, and have just raised the white flag.

So ILs went to bed at 8pm. They don’t usually sleep so early but I suspect it’s a PA way of telling us we’ve knackered them out.

Anyway this was the same time as DS’s bedtime. Being a 5yo boy he’s terrified of the dark and at home we leave the landing light on when he’s in bed and the door ajar. Did this tonight and (Step)FIL came out and knocked the landing light off then stomped back into the bedroom. DS screamed for me, so I raced back in and comforted him. Thought SFIL probably didn’t realise that DS would be scared, so I turned it back on then realised that Thier bedroom door was open a good 2 feet. SFIL came out and said “actually the landing light has to stay off. We leave our bedroom door open in case the cat wants to come in, and the light being on is disturbing us trying to sleep.” I said oh right it’s just DS is really frightened of total dark and he said “Oh well never mind. good night” and went back to bed.

Cue an hour of me going between trying to get DS to put up with it being dark, to putting on the bedroom lamp (that has no shade, because why would it, they have 3 fucking candle extinguishers in the room but no lampshade) and that was too bright, to trying to bring in other (shaded) lamps from other rooms, which just distracted him.

After an hour of trying to calm DS down/find the right lamp that’s not too bright and not too dim, like some sort of middle aged Goldilocks, I gave up and tag teamed with DH to take over.

He’s still up there now. Can hear ILs snoring like a pair of water buffalos (so pleased they have their door open). Can’t hear DS and DH so hoping they’ve fallen asleep too.

Why the fuck did the ILs ask us so desperately to come and stay at their home if they don’t want to make any adjustments for us being here? I know it’s their house but does that mean they should make a unnecessarily unpleasant environment for your 5yo grandson, because it might otherwise upset the bloody cat?

WIBU to book a hotel room for tomorrow? Even if I just take DS - it’s been years since I’ve had a struggle to get a child to sleep like that and I really CBA to do it all over again tomorrow.

To be clear: The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

They don't sound like they are good hosts. Some level of house rules is fair enough but surely they could wait until the 5 year old is asleep before going to bed? Then the light can be turned off and he won't know. It sounds like they are being deliberately awkward. I think you should make it clear to them why you are not going to stay with them again.

Oh and we played UNO on the carpet! It’s a pre-bedtime ritual no matter where we are

& why, at 5&9, do they not know better than to have their hands on the walls?? likewise with ornaments & stuff. (5&9 NT, no disabilities really are old enough to be careful.

We don’t have the ‘no touching the walls’ rule at home. They aren’t touching the trinkets but they zip about the house and she’s nervous about things being knocked over. The trinket fixation has definitely got worse since we were last here pre-COVID.

The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

Let them be! Just tell them they clearly don't want you there and since they insist on having their door open for the cat you can't sleep over their snoring and DS can't sleep in the dark.

So sorry you’re having a shit time, mine pales in significance, to you I say definitely go home, life is too short to re-live that kind of trauma

Vile. They really don't sound very nice at all .

I’ve not really had a chance to speak to him about it because walls have ears, so only Throw a few eye rolls to each other. When we tag teamed I just gave him the bare facts and he’s been asleep since. But he’d 100% be up for staying in a hotel.

We’ve had this but the golden grandchild thrown in the mix! Could be worse.

Go to a hotel!

(On the cat point, we have to sleep with bedroom doors open as if our feline overloads find one closed they scrabble at it until someone comes to open it for them, waking the whole house in the process. It's not about their comfort.)

They clearly like the idea of being gracious hosts, but not the reality. I think you're right about post covid and people forgetting what's it's like to have others in your house. 8pm for bed is just bizarre with guests! Good on you OP for picking up the Nancy boy comment. What a horrible phrase.

Book the hotel 100%
They're not exactly making an effort to host you are they?!

"I’ve not really had a chance to speak to him about it because walls have ears, so only Throw a few eye rolls to each other. When we tag teamed I just gave him the bare facts and he’s been asleep since. But he’d 100% be up for staying in a hotel."

Sorted then.

Book the hotel and let your DH tell his parents you're off.

Job done, happy days

I actually snapped quite harshly at her because I was so shocked that anybody would use that term. It’s not borne out of ignorance either on her point - she’s an intelligent, educated woman and she knows that’s not appropriate.

Anyhoo I’ve booked a nearby Premier Inn, early check-in too, and it has a soft play so they can at least touch the walls there.

DH can tell them too, I’ve already had one awkward conversation this week with MIL, he can even it out 😂

What a terrible thing to say to a child.
So glad you are standing up to them and enjoy your new found freedom tomorrow

get a plug in night light tomorrow on your travels if you can, even make a big deal of needing to go out for it so that you don’t have to face paying for a hotel this trip. But on the principles they have demonstrated don’t stay again.

Another one to add to the list of what to do when I am a grandparent...
Remember that being a parent is about putting your children's needs first so try to make my children's lives easier by welcoming them into my home. My inlaws are WONDERFUL!! They make such an effort when we come to stay. My parents are not.. and I struggle to model good behaviour around them when I feel so unwelcome... on our last visit, I was like a sulky, grumpy teenager and I hated myself for my behaviour.

Go and buy a night light. No need to leave, it's only a couple of nights. Or have ds5 sleep in with you.

@ChateauMargaux yes I agree. I hope I remember things like this when mine are parents themselves.

I actually sometimes get on well with MIL. She has her moments where she’s really funny and enjoyable to be around but I think she is a follower and her DP is a leader so she dances to the beat of his drum. Meaning if he’s decided to be a moody bastard then she follows suit. When she visits us alone it’s like being with a different person.

I am normally so angry and the another IL posts, but you're justified with being irritated beyond belief. Go to the hotel. It all sounds a nightmare.

I'm normally very chilled in other peoples houses but feck that! If they don't understand how small children don't want to sleep in darkness then they're pricks,

Shove some prawns down the sofa bwd

*Sofa before you leave...

See I’m not chill in other people’s houses usually, I hate not being able to go to the fridge and get the snack I want, or wonder if I have to ask permission to have a shower, or the whole mysterious etiquette of do I offer to wash up/do I buy flowers as a thank you/who is cooking, should it be me, dare I ask. I hate it in every house except my brother’s who general rule is “do whatever you like just don’t let the housecat out”. So I do know that when I feel uncomfortable at other hones the chances are it’s everything to do with me not the hosts

Except today. Today it’s not me, it’s them.

I would stay rather than having to face the reaction but I am not sure I am a great benchmark. I would however be stomping around grumping and asking for things that would fix the problem of DS being able to go to sleep.

over something fairly insignificant and told him not to be such a ‘Nancy boy’

I would have left over this! While using every bit of strength I had not to chin the bitch.

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