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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ditch staying at ILs and book a hotel

337 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 21:39

At the ILs at the moment, arrived today, staying in their spare rooms at their insistence- we wanted to get a hotel for these 2 nights like we usually do. But ILs were quite offended at the thought of us doing that yet again and made a bit of a deal about us staying at theirs this time. So we agreed.

We have 2 DC, 5 & 9, and this house is so not a child-friendly environment. MIL is always freaking out about the kids touching the walls, fretting about them knocking over the 5,271 trinkets she has on each of the million sideboards they own, not letting us play UNO at any of the tables in case we scratch the varnished surfaces etc.

i can cope with all of that just about. But what’s really pissed me off is the fact that Ive just spent over an hour trying to get a terrified 5yo to sleep because of a stupid ‘rule’, and have just raised the white flag.

So ILs went to bed at 8pm. They don’t usually sleep so early but I suspect it’s a PA way of telling us we’ve knackered them out.

Anyway this was the same time as DS’s bedtime. Being a 5yo boy he’s terrified of the dark and at home we leave the landing light on when he’s in bed and the door ajar. Did this tonight and (Step)FIL came out and knocked the landing light off then stomped back into the bedroom. DS screamed for me, so I raced back in and comforted him. Thought SFIL probably didn’t realise that DS would be scared, so I turned it back on then realised that Thier bedroom door was open a good 2 feet. SFIL came out and said “actually the landing light has to stay off. We leave our bedroom door open in case the cat wants to come in, and the light being on is disturbing us trying to sleep.” I said oh right it’s just DS is really frightened of total dark and he said “Oh well never mind. good night” and went back to bed.

Cue an hour of me going between trying to get DS to put up with it being dark, to putting on the bedroom lamp (that has no shade, because why would it, they have 3 fucking candle extinguishers in the room but no lampshade) and that was too bright, to trying to bring in other (shaded) lamps from other rooms, which just distracted him.

After an hour of trying to calm DS down/find the right lamp that’s not too bright and not too dim, like some sort of middle aged Goldilocks, I gave up and tag teamed with DH to take over.

He’s still up there now. Can hear ILs snoring like a pair of water buffalos (so pleased they have their door open). Can’t hear DS and DH so hoping they’ve fallen asleep too.

Why the fuck did the ILs ask us so desperately to come and stay at their home if they don’t want to make any adjustments for us being here? I know it’s their house but does that mean they should make a unnecessarily unpleasant environment for your 5yo grandson, because it might otherwise upset the bloody cat?

WIBU to book a hotel room for tomorrow? Even if I just take DS - it’s been years since I’ve had a struggle to get a child to sleep like that and I really CBA to do it all over again tomorrow.

To be clear: The ILs will be extremely offended if I do this and will likely moan about the time I left them to stay in a hotel, from now until the end of time.

OP posts:
gold22 · 24/08/2022 21:56

Yep 100% get out of there tomorrow! I would say tonight if DS hadn't fallen asleep

BogRollBOGOF · 24/08/2022 21:59

Definitely a hotel and as soon as is practical for you.

Longdistance · 24/08/2022 22:00

Book the hotel NOW.

OovoofWelcome · 24/08/2022 22:00

Your DC will sleep beautifully in the car home tonight. Get gone.

nokidshere · 24/08/2022 22:01

Why did you not just put the bedroom lamp on and dim it by moving it to the floor behind a piece of furniture?

If you do stay again make sure you have a night light with you

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 24/08/2022 22:03

What dreadful hosts. Are they not used to company? You put the comfort of your guests first. Not some bloody cat. Especially not over your own grandchild who is afraid of the dark. Get yourself out of there and tear them a new one when you tell them why you’re leaving.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 24/08/2022 22:03

I would want to leave, but I wouldn't. (S)FIL was rude & not very helpful!! I'd be annoyed & upset at his attitude.

However, I think there's a bit of 'not great' behaviour on both sides.

wouldn't it be simpler just to have DS sleep in your bed and you or DH sleep in the other bed.

just to say it's not 'the bloody cat's fault & it's used to having free run of the house, if you shut mine out of the bedroom she'd let the entire street know she wasn't happy!

maybe you should buy a little plug in night light for any future trips away! (Not firvtherevasbi woukdnt bevstsying again UNLESS MIL is lovely and it's (s)FIL being a bully.

I think things like playing cards on tables that can be easily damaged by nails/rings scratching it, is understandable in older peoples homes. It's easy enough to play something else on the floor with 5 &9 yo's

& why, at 5&9, do they not know better than to have their hands on the walls?? likewise with ornaments & stuff. (5&9 NT, no disabilities really are old enough to be careful.

my plan would be a nice ling walk tomorrow, preferably to a play park. Roast dinner out somewhere then head home.

Tintackedsea · 24/08/2022 22:03

Can you get a plug in nightlight for tomorrow? Can you put down a tablecloth for playing Uno? It's only one more night and I don't think it's worth having a huge falling out over. Obviously, you book somewhere next time but for the sake of peace just go out for the entire day tomorrow, wear out the bairn, early bed for everyone and offski early doors the following morning.

PermanentTemporary · 24/08/2022 22:05
  1. People forget what it's like to have young children.
  2. A lot of people care more about an internal sense of what's 'correct' than about the comfort of other people.
  3. People love to believe they are free and easy and welcome all comers to their home. In reality, most of us are set in our ways, especially post lockdown.

Go to a hotel tomorrow. Next time they get insulted, treat it all as a tremendous joke. 'No, of course not, you're so lovely but we were a nightmare for you, we could tell, you were so grumpy hahaha!'

OriginalUsername2 · 24/08/2022 22:08

Book the hotel.

Over-ride PIL’s being offended by being even MORE offended than them. They’ve been rude to their guests by ignoring their needs!

Midlifecrisis74 · 24/08/2022 22:09

Solidarity!

At my parents. Wondering whether to leave early tomorrow. I've spent most of today in tears because my dad had been so awful. He has told my child off for using a pencil without asking amongst other things. He has had a go at me for being inconsiderate to my mum ( I wasn't). I am having serious triggers back to my abusive marriage having spent today treading on eggshells. I even apologized for the imagined problem I caused and had it thrown in my face with another lecture about how I had to be more considerate.

If you have the confidence to leave, then go.

Wombat27A · 24/08/2022 22:10

I'd be gone...

But then I was just telling someone about the time I was told not to splash water whilst in the shower as I'd done that, apparently, 3 years prior.

Never stayed with ILs again.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:10

Hotandbothereds · 24/08/2022 21:44

Yes go, and just explain simply that DC won’t sleep and it’s impossible to do another night in this situation - how can they possibly disagree?

What’s the sleeping situation been like in the past? Hasn’t this happened before?

We always stay in a hotel now we have kids. If they come to us then they stay at other relatives close by. We have stayed over pre-kids but that was a v long time ago.

OP posts:
Itsthelookitsthelook · 24/08/2022 22:11

Hotel 100% and I'd be all lovely and like I'm doing them a favour "as we could tell how much we disturbed your sleep last night"

grayhairdontcare · 24/08/2022 22:12

Why are you still there?
Just go!
Get the children settled in a Hotel and get some sleep

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:13

bellac11 · 24/08/2022 21:45

If you didnt want to stay you shouldnt have stayed. Only you are in control of your choices not them

And its a good reminder of why I hate staying in other peoples homes. Hotel every time.

Just say you like having your own space. Its honest

I know, but they made it sound like they actually wanted us here - they’re usually a bit “Oh well if our house isn’t good enough” PA type comments when we come down and book a hotel but this time it was more insistent and it seemed sincere.

I said to DH earlier I remember exactly why we don’t usually stay at other people’s homes.!

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:13

Not gonna go tonight as everyone is now asleep but me, so unless I woke the kids I’d be going alone! I’m scouring booking.com though as there’s a few local places we could try

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:14

TokyoSushi · 24/08/2022 21:47

Agree, go, only slight question is how do you have the landing light on in a hotel?

Premier Inns are usually our go to as they have a soft light by the hotel door and the beds are round the corner so to speak, so it’s the same effect!

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 24/08/2022 22:15

I’d probably just go home tbh. There’s no enjoyment to be had by anyone in their actual house

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:18

MiddleParking · 24/08/2022 21:47

Has nothing else happened? It sounds like they’re making a point of being deliberately hostile.

Yes I thought this!

We arrived early so it’s been a v long day of what is essentially 2 buoyant children and 2 elderly people who CBA and also forget what small children are like.

MIL could be upset as earlier DS (v sensitive, ILs don’t understand how boys can be so sensitive it seems) had a sulk over something fairly insignificant and told him not to be such a ‘Nancy boy’. I told her not to call him that, because it’s offensive and homophobic. The cats bum mouth she made would have made MN proud. Followed by chuntering about political correctness gone mad

OP posts:
lisavanderpumpscloset · 24/08/2022 22:18

What's your DH's take on it?

JustJoinedRightNow · 24/08/2022 22:19

Good on you for telling her off about the Nancy boy comment. Just go to a hotel, they sound so painful.

Ganymedemoon · 24/08/2022 22:20

God why did they insist on you staying in the first place if they are not willing to accommodate you and their grandkids!! Yep I would move to a hotel giving the excuse of DS lack of sleep and then never ever stay there again!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:21

nokidshere · 24/08/2022 22:01

Why did you not just put the bedroom lamp on and dim it by moving it to the floor behind a piece of furniture?

If you do stay again make sure you have a night light with you

That’s a good idea in a normal house, except there’s only about 4 square inches of wall and floor space in any given room because I really think these people have a fetish for unnecessary bits of furniture and crap that goes on top of them. It’s like sleeping in the middle of a fucking Bargain Hunt episode (sorry for the overly ranting, I can’t express it out loud right now).

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/08/2022 22:22

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 24/08/2022 22:03

What dreadful hosts. Are they not used to company? You put the comfort of your guests first. Not some bloody cat. Especially not over your own grandchild who is afraid of the dark. Get yourself out of there and tear them a new one when you tell them why you’re leaving.

That’s the thing, if it’s their mates from golf (or their other son) they throw a proper soirée and make everyone as happy as possible. I don’t know what it is - if it’s me, or DH, or the kids, or all of us. I’ve spent the whole day wondering if I’ve upset them.

OP posts:
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