Sibling fallout - who is being unreasonable

[wasabipeas]

I’m trying to keep this neutral because I’ve lost perspective on this situation so please be gentle…

3 siblings - A, B and C. All married with DCs

A is very well off, big house, lots of holidays, skiing etc
B is doing ok, has a holiday every year but camping/Eurocamp or self catering sort of things
C has the least money of all of them, due to working in a low-paying industry and wouldn’t ordinarily take DCs ‘away’ on holiday but would do day trips locally etc

For the last few years, family A has offered to take family C on holiday. Not joining their usual long haul but Centreparcs or a week in a cottage which Family A pays for

A and C have returned from a holiday recently, and B asked C how it was.
C said it was great, B said, half jokingly ‘I look forward to it being our turn for the free FamilyA holiday scheme one day’

C tells A what was said, A contacts C and says that it’s not about free holidays so much as giving kids who wouldn’t otherwise have a holiday something, where as B’s kids get a holiday every year, so this isn’t something that B is going to come to as long as they are able to give their kids a holiday

A is cross and B being entitled, B is cross at their kids being excluded, C is stuck in the middle of it

Who IBU?

if it makes any difference, A and C are the same gender

Day to day is different to holidays. A chose to move "too far away" to be involved in day to day.

You don't like B. That's obvious. You justify going on holiday with C as they can't afford it, whereas really you want to exclude B because you don't like them.

Was there ever any need for B to know that A was paying for C’s holiday? I expect B does feel left out, have you ever asked them to
join you? Maybe just give C some holiday vouchers for Christmas and they can book as a family? If it’s mainly about giving the children a holiday, they don’t necessarily have to go with you and it might be fairer. I think you can spend your money however you wish and B can’t expect you to foot the bill but it does seem a bit unkind to exclude B and their children from family holidays

Can A, B and C agree to work together to book one holiday in a large house. Often it works out reasonably cost wise for large groups. Much fairer for all.

Maybe A could offer to pay for food or day trips if minded to support the others.

I hardly think given how dreadfully deprived C is that she would particularly care whether the holiday was ‘relaxing’ or not !! A should buy second hand camping gear for C - stop the holidays and they should all camp together with B.

problem solved!!!!

Even if you go on holiday with C and B because you don’t get on with B I still think that’s ok. I wouldn’t holiday with someone I didn’t want to.

I feel sorry for B.

Center Parcs is no longer a cheap break, it’s more expensive than some really nice destinations aboard. I think it’s mean that neither of them are thinking about B and about including the cousins. If A can afford it, why don’t they take everyone away?

A is doing something nice for C, that doesn't automatically entitle B to the same treatment. If B thinks their kids feel left out perhaps they could join but pay their own way.

I can totally understand why B feels aggrieved. Yes, it’s your money. But the choices you make will also impact the relationship between B and C. They live close to one another so I would try to be more sensitive and bear this in mind for future holidays.

I knew you were A! I'm also one of 3. There's no treating going on because we're all lucky enough to afford. I've been away with one sibling several times though because we get on. Neither of us are that keen on our other sibling and don't really like her family.

I feel zero guilt. And you shouldn't either.

Yes I agree. I feel for B

B should be happy for C getting a holiday,A is kind

I wonder if C happily gets B to pay for things when hanging out with B (despite the fact that they apparently don't like them)? 🤨

I feel sorry for B

How much is about the cost, and how much is about being the left-out sibling? I know it was phrased in terms of the "free holiday", but it's possible that the bigger underlying problem is that B rather resents the fact that A and C do things together with their kids and they're never invited - they might appreciate being offered the chance to join in at their own cost.

This. And it's incredible you can't see it OP. You go on to admit you don't like B. Wtf is this thread about?

I don't understand why people are saying they "feel for B" like you feel sorry for them because they aren't getting a free holiday?

They're grown people, they are literally causing a family feud because they want their sibling to PAY for a holiday for them. WTAF.

Did that for PILs major birthday a few years ago

A good time was had by no one…

They aren't invited.

These two siblings of the same sex not gender are happy doing their own thing together. Who pays for what is a total red herring.

But B and C do many many things together through the year?

if a holiday means maybe 4 or 5 activities/experiences/memories, B and Cs kids do that without A’s kids in the summer holidays alone?

A is showing favouritism and not even trying to hide it
B is being petty and jealous about being clearly unwanted/unliked/excluded/less favourable
C is lapping up being the favourite and ensuring the divide continues by gossiping and shit stirring

they are literally causing a family feud because they want their sibling to PAY for a holiday for them.

I read it like this as well. Presumably B hasn’t said to A - “why don’t we all go away next year and I’ll pay my own way”. B is jealous because C is getting something for nothing that she isn’t.

I haven’t said I don’t like B! I do like her

Ive said she can be tricky… which she can

so she isn’t someone who would make for an easy holiday!

But that’s not the main point of why she isn’t invited. Her kids get holiday(s) every year, Cs don’t

I don't think it's as black and white as to who is being unreasonable..

C - shouldn't have said anything to A especially if C knew this could cause issues

B - I can see why they may feel left out, it does seem a little unfair especially if they are not included (on their own dime off course).

A - is clearly showing favoritism

*C works full time for the NHS and would struggle to earn more, his DW is a TA so also not highly paid

B works part time so IMO could up her hours if she was so desperate for a holiday but until now has always said how much they love camping*

C’s DW could also get another job with more hours/better pay than a TA but clearly chooses not to. And now has even less incentive to do so given the get a free holiday every year.

The more you post OP the more it comes across that no one likes B.

If it were for the childrens sake why don’t you and A take just the children? So take B and Cs children without their parents and let them all have a lovely holiday with their cousins?