Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

Don't send this!

I know you mean it as a joke @KirstenBlest but OP doesn't speak Italian!

Mind you, it'd be funny for a while...

I’ve read all your texts OP but not the full thing so apologies if I’m suggesting something already mentioned.

In your shoes I would book a twin room somewhere near the wedding venue for one or two nights prior to the wedding and you and your DD stay there. Leave him to sort the rest. Take all wedding clothes, the bridesmaids meet there on the morning. Any make up, hair dresser, etc goes there.

He’s made the choice to do this, the consequence is you keep your DD’s stress levels (and yours) firmly in your sights and decamp.

Book an air BnB for you and your daughter and he can pay.

Agree with the 'book a hotel for you and your daughter' idea.

He can pay.

He can also run around and look after the guests HE invited (and feed them too). You will have enough on your plate!

Either that or he asks them to stay at a hotel instead.

Tell your not-so-D H that there are a handful of us on here that are always up for re-laying a patio, and that he'd better sort this out now before it's too late for him!

And in the event that he doesn't, well, I'm sure there are plenty of MNetters who will swear that we were both having tea and cake in their kitchen far, far away from the site of any unfortunate accidents might have...

He can pay for a premier inn room for them. Tell him it's not happening!

Outrageous!! I wouldn't have this at any time let alone at the time of a wedding!

I agree with people suggesting you and your DD decamp to a nearby hotel, even just a couple of days before the wedding. No way could you all get ready the morning of the wedding with one bathroom and people sleeping on the sofas!!

I’d be inclined to do what others have suggested and book yourself into a nice hotel in the lead up to the wedding, that way DH isn’t going back on his offer & upsetting his relatives and you and your dd can spend quality time together relaxing and just doing what the bride and MOB should be doing. Italians treat the whole family and wedding thing very differently to the British, they probably wouldn’t think it’s an issue with the room as it’s all family. Money shouldn’t be an issue for the hotel as Italians throw money and weddings, my friend got married to an Italian a few weeks ago, they literally throw thousands of £ at the married couple in gifts and cash.

Go and stay in a hotel for the week with your daughter.

OP, you haven't said NO to your husband. NO, it will cause a massive amount of work. No, it will cause a giant amount of stress. NO, we can't fit them in. NO, I refuse to be tired and stressed and pressured and overworked at this important time.

Absolutely no way! They cannot stay. Send them some local hotel suggestions.

Either the Italian families go to a hotel or you and your DD do. I love my husband but when he has done unthinking stuff like this I have taken care of the mental health of myself and our children by making other plans. If he can operate unilaterally so can you!

@KvotheTheBloodless , is my italian that bad? I didn't say Troverete mio marito è sotto il patio.

YANBU. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sending them a direct message. I wouldn’t pussyfoot around with hinting by saying it will be stressful and you don’t have any spare rooms, etc. Make sure you start with something very straight forward along the lines of “DH made a mistake. We can not accommodate you.” You can go on to mention that you don’t have enough rooms but, especially if using something like Google translate, the simpler, the better. It doesn’t have to be behind his back. You can tell him you’re doing it if he won’t.

I also like the idea of renting an airbnb or hotel suite for you and your daughter, but that’s in large part because I’d be fuming at his lack of concern for the two of you that I’d want to be getting away from him.

Does he have form for this sort of lack of interest in your perspective? Because this seems pretty egregious.

I think he needs to book a nearby air bnb for either you or the visitors to stay in.

that will mean you have more room to socialise and you can actually choose to spend time with your guests that you all enjoy.

am sure the relatives won’t love the idea of having to be up early. So the living room can be used by everyone from early morning.

it’s relaxing for no one!

Book yourself and daughter into poshest hotel you can find for a few nights and send him the bill - leave him by himself to sort the mess.🤷🏼‍♀️

Definitely move to a hotel for the duration and leave him to learn is lesson. You and daughter will need space and a relaxing environment, and obviously your home full of visitors will not provide that.

Book you and your Dd into a hotel. Leave them to it! No way would I accommodate that many people at ANY one time let alone when it's my DDs wedding.

Count me in! 😂😂

Oh blimey, I'd kill my DH if he pulled this stunt. What a tough situation for you.

Trying to see it from the perspective of the guests, perhaps they are finding the wedding pricey (with the flights from Italy) and therefore thought they would ask if they could stay with you to save some pennies. And I suspect your DH was trying to be hospitable (but then not thinking it through properly whatsoever).

Agree with other posters that suggest you book a hotel for yourself and your daughter and have a thoroughly lovely stay (at your DH's expense).

I would ensure:

• your DH does all housework prior to their arrival, including making up beds and food prep/purchasing
• your DH also lets the guests know the sleeping arrangements before they arrive. Something like "I just wanted to clarify that we don't have a big home and we would have to accommodate the four of you in the main lounge for the duration, on a sofa bed. We are still happy to host you, but I wanted to mention this now in case you'd rather stay at a hotel or similar. If you would rather stay in a hotel, don't worry, we won't be offended".

Good luck, OP!

When I got married I was astounded by how many relatives thought it was ok to assume they could stay in my parents home.

If everyone had come they would have had 7 additional adults and a teenager in a 3 bed with 1 bathroom! They said no to everyone.

Your situation is even worse as your DH hasn't stopped this and your poor daughter will have people getting in her way when she's trying to get ready. She probably wants one last night at home with mum and dad and your husband is selfishly ruining this. Has your DD told him she doesn't want this?

If so and he still won't budge then absolutely get a hotel for the two of you. It takes an absolute age to get ready and she needs peace and not to have lots of others hogging the bathroom!

Utter madness.

It's wilfully ignorant. Firstly, he should have asked you if you'd mind seeing as you live in the house. Secondly he should have checked with his daughter if she also lives there or is getting ready there. Thirdly, he should instinctively know that 11 people for one bathroom on an important day is going to be a shitshow. Hopefully not literally.

There's no way I'd allow him to turf me out of my own bed. I'd message them and tell them there's no room, so they'll need to book somewhere.

Tell your husband properly NO and then absolutely send them a message. One day they'll all thank you. Hopefully. I speak Italian... not well, but well enough to help you write an email! Don't apologise or give reasons.

Oh holy fuck no!
you need a quiet zen house for your daughter who will have sole use of the bathroom. Poor families as well coming over and sleeping adults and kids in the living room on sofas?? They’ll be put out too.
big pants on an craft a message, someone on here will be able to translate for you in messages I’m sure. Send it and say your DH was super excited to se enough but he’s offering you the living room and you are being kicked out your bedroom in a stressful week so you think they would prefer their own space in a hotel/Airbnb and send some links.
no one, not anyone ever kicks me out our bed. They sleep on the sofa not me. I don’t care who they are. I just can’t.