Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

That is batshit crazy. Your daughter will want to spend a nice relaxing night before with you and her bridesmaids. The morning of the wedding should be a lovely experience for you both too. Hair and make up will presumably be coming to the house (and possibly photographer) This is dreadfully unfair of your husband. In your position I would be booking all the girls and you into a local hotel or spa and leave him to it. Shocking behaviour to expect you to put up with this. I would be furious!

I reckon that there’s every chance that the prospective guests have no idea that they are being offered the OP’s bed in a normal-sized family home.

They quite likely assume either that there will be a proper guest suite that would be going spare, or that the OP was intending to pay for a hotel room for them.

Oh no this sounds like the chaos in the uprun to my wedding, as we had a lot of overseas guests too.

I wish my mum had put her foot down as it was so stressful for me.

Sort it out for your dd please OP. Otherwise this too will be how she remembers her wedding morning.

I would be booking all the girls and you into a local hotel or spa and leave him to it.

Me too. Fuck him.

God, YANBU.

I stayed at my parent’s house on the day before our wedding, along with family from overseas who were staying for 2 weeks. It was only 5 extra people, in a biggish house.
The wedding morning was absolute chaos.

Oh I can imagine my DH doing the same. He has a big family and very rarely do they consider that it would be easier on them as well as us to stay in a hotel. Normally I’d relent, but for my daughters wedding? Not a chance. I know he wouldn’t cancel if he’d already offered so I would expect him to stump up for a local Premier Inn to put them up instead.

I would make it very clear to him that his actions WILL affect his daughters relationship with him in the future, does he want her overwhelming memory of her wedding to be how difficult he made her life during what is already a stressful time?

I would also make the point that if he doesn't rescind the invites to extended family then you and your daughter will be moving out to an Air BnB or hotel while they are there. Then stick to it, do not allow him to steam roller you.

Make sure he knows that you will not be protecting him and will be honest that due to his actions the BRIDE had to move out of her family home. At this point it's about trying to make things as stress free as possible for your daughter. So I wouldn't go calling his family if that's going to cause more problems. Give him his options and then step back.

Hes trying to save face here and doesn't want to be embarrassed by telling family they can't stay, let him see that awkward convo is the least embarrassing of his options and that if he doesn't everyone is going to know how badly he has behaved.

Book yourself into a posh hotel with your daughter and DH to it

Leave DH to it

This - I was going to say that he needs to do all cooking, cleaning during and as a result of their stay.

It's ridiculous!

@CakeFiend8
*"......part of me thinks it's sneaky to go behind his back....."
*
He wasn't thinking of you when behind your back he invited his relatives.

I'd be incandescent with rage if dh did that. But he wouldn't.

Oh god. I would kill him if he was my husband. Do what PP told you, go to a hotel. You don’t need all the chaos evening before the wedding and wedding day morning with so many people getting ready. Your daughter needs bathroom for herself and some proper sleep.

I came on to suggest you and your daughter decamp to a hotel too.
What do you think of this idea OP?
let him get on with it ……alone!

This.
I have Italian ancestry and understand why he feels he needs to host and be generous, so let him do it. Rent a suite for you and daughter . If that doesn’t work, see if you can find an air bnb near you for the visiting families. He doesn’t want to lose face now and I understand why he wanted to be kind and host.

Tell him to contact the relatives or you will. Tell him you're not worried about upsetting them because if he doesn't fix it, you'll divorce him anyway. What an absolute fucking tosser.

Option 1: tell him if he doesn’t sort it you’ll be communicating with them yourself. He has X days to do this before you take over.

Option 2: Check into a hotel for a few days before the wedding. Explain to DH that he can host and arrange all the Italian guests while you and DD deal with the final wedding prep and getting ready in peaceful surroundings. He must accept the cost of this as he has created this completely unfeasible situation.

what a tit. I’d be fuming if my DH did this.

You book a hotel stay for you and DD and any other dc, your husband pays the bill and entertains his relatives in your house. I’m sure he’ll do a sterling job making up beds, preparing, cooking and serving meals as well as playing the host. Oh and attending his dd’s wedding of course. What a muppet.

I feel stressed just thinking about this! He has to tell them they cannot stay. Maybe see if there is an AirB&B nearby you can book for the families?

Book yourself and your daughter into a nice hotel for the duration and leave your not so dh to it. I can’t believe he thought this was a good idea!

What a selfish twat.

Completely unforgivable.

Total deal breaker.

Your poor daughter having him for a father.

Absolutely no way should that be even a consideration the week of her wedding.

As for you giving up your bedroom before your daughters wedding, never heard the like of it.

He is some selfish CF.

I would absolutely tell his family no way and I would be Completely rethinking my marriage too.

I wish people would stop saying send the DH the bill for the hotel.
Most married couples have joint finances, so whilst it's a great idea OP is more than likely paying for it as well.

Book yourself into the hotel for the morning of the wedding. If I were you I’d be jumping at the chance to do that!

It leaves your dh with all the stress of hosting so he might think twice in future and you’ll have all the advantages of a calm, stress free place to prepare.

Book yourself, the bride and any bridemaids into a hotel.

Can’t believe dh has done this in this special day. If they’re Italian, is it the done thing to host families?

You (ie dh) need to arrange alternative accommodation or decamp to hotel for you and dd.

Agree with the PPs who say he is showing off and wants to 'host' so won't back down.

If your DD feels strongly that she wants to be at your home then perhaps she can speak to him and encourage him to get them into B&Bs? Or you can try to redirect them to a B&B themselves.

If DD doesn't mind then agree you shoudl be in a posh hotel with her and DH can host himself silly.

But one outcome that should be off the table is them staying and you hosting and sleeping on the floor.

Tell DH you will 'go to the mattresses' over this. 😡#sleepwiththefishes