Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

What an absolute idiot he is. Does he think that you are going to get a great sleep on a sofa and be able to show up at your DDs wedding looking your best.

I would be utterly furious with him. No way can you let this go ahead under any circumstances.

Surely he isn't expecting all eleven of you AND your DD to share a bathroom on her big day? He's mad, I feel sorry for you DD. Can you book her and you into a nice hotel for the night before? So sure they can come but you and her don't suffer the chaos.

When we went to an Italian wedding 20 years ago, we were told that it is often tradition for the family to pay for the guests' accommodation - perhaps this is what your husband is thinking? Maybe ask him why he thinks it would be a good idea? Then find a way to either accommodate them or yourselves elsewhere.

Just book yourself into the poshest local hotel for the duration at his expense then. And tell him in no uncertain terms you will be there and he can deal with his family and sleeping on the sofa. Then end all discussions.

I'm fairly sure he will either tell the extended family it's no longer possible but should he not do that, then you can have the peace and comfort of a lovely hotel room.

Google translate shouldn't have a problem with a simple message.

I am sorry.

You can't stay at our house.

The house is full.

Here are some local AirBnB and hotels you can stay in.

He went behind yours!!

Tell him, he does it, you do or you stay in a hotel - and he's potentially ruining your daughter's day

Your husband sounds pretty awful and you sound a bit passive tbh.

If this goes ahead, you won’t be seeing your daughter on her wedding morning. She won’t want to be in the middle of all that chaos. Stand up to him for her sake.

This is so staggeringly out of order. He's going to ruin his daughter's wedding day. What a selfish, utter fuckwit.

If this were me, I would be booking myself and my daughter into the swankiest hotel nearby on his credit card and leaving him to sort the guests.

Failing that, is there anyone on Mumsnet that speaks Italian well enough to translate whatever OP wishes to say to the guests?

He went behind your back. I see no reason you can't take control of this and fix it for him, since he cba

I'm assuming he doesn't want to look inhospitable to family who are travelling from Italy for the wedding? I get that. But it's being totally unrealistic. I mean, if he'd said, "look, we don't really have space but if you don't mind sleeping on the couch" it would be BAD but at least he wouldn't be turfing you out of your room.

My parents house was absolutely Grand Central for our wedding because we had lots of people who had travelled to attend (including me, DH and various other close family members). But "Grand Central" meant that we had a lot of extra people at meal times (so we hired someone to help us cook and prepare meals) and it meant that various family members (usually the men who were less involved in actual wedding prep) did a fair bit of collecting/fetching/driving around of random guests and relatives. We had two elderly relatives in spare rooms (my old bedroom and the actual spare room) and me, DH and siblings stayed in a rented Air BnB near by.

It did NOT mean that my parents had people sleeping on the floor in their front room or that anyone was sharing a bathroom with 6 other people!

Agree with others - he needs to apologise and say he's messed up and then help them find somewhere to stay.

I would write to them. Google translate does mess things up but at least they would get the message! Just be very polite and say your husband wasn't thinking straight in all the excitement of the wedding and he hadn't thought that there is no way you can fit 11 people in the house at such a busy time. Say you can't wait to meet them and leave it at that.

Do the guests know that they will be camping in the living room?

Reverso is better than Google translate.

YANBU!! If I were you, I'd say great, fill the house, you can pay for me and DD to spend that time in a posh hotel to relax and prepare for the big day, what time is our taxi coming?

What an arsehole, I mean, seriously, wtf?! To the hotel you must go! And have a wonderful time 👰‍♀️

I would not be giving up my room, end of.

Tell him you won't be budging, even if it means installing a lock on your bedroom door.

He needs to book them a hotel or something nearby.

Not read any further than the patio suggestion.
DM the relatives something like this:
Caro suocero, il mio futuro ex marito ti ha invitato senza consultare me e nostra figlia. Poiché non abbiamo camere da letto di ricambio, non saremo in grado di ospitarvi, ma allego un elenco di hotel locali, pensioni e B & B. Arrive derci.

Your post has given me flash backs to my own wedding 40 years ago! My mum loved to entertain and have visitors. In our four bedroom house the night before the wedding my chief bridesmaid was sharing my room, my foster sister and sister in law shared another room, one room for my parents and one for my grandmother so already 7 people in the house.

My wedding had to be at 2.30 (no idea why but that is what DM decreed!). I went off with my bridesmaids to the hairdresser while my DM prepared lunch for all the bridesmaids, DF, DG and all DF's family (another 8 people) because of course they couldn't be expected to find a restaurant or cafe and find food for themselves. My stress levels were through the roof but while my dad took the bridesmaids back to our house my aunt collected me, took me home with her and did my makeup and my nails and gave me lunch. I went home in time to put my dress on to find my mother rushing round organising the older bridesmaids, my aunts were dressing the children and there was no one to do up the 20 buttons on the back of my dress! I felt that I was at the bottom of everyone's priorities. Don't let your daughter feel like that.

HonestLY OP, i like nothing more than a houseful of visitors but having 4 had children get married from our home I’d absolutely refuse to go along with these plans. Tell your husband today that you and your DD will be in a hotel from 2 nights before the wedding.

Do you know what I’d let them stay but I would go to a hotel before feb wedding to get ready! Where is your daughter getting ready? I would suggest a lovely hotel for 24 hours before the wedding so you can get ready with your daughter in peace and have a nice time. They can all see you at the wedding! Your DH can drop them off and then come to the hotel and collect you & DD and bridesmaids. Xo

@StillGoingStrongToday I wouldn't describe it at "strange" - seems a little bit of an overreaction.

I really enjoyed the night before, with my bridesmaids and my mum. Somewhere I felt comfortable, given I'd grown up there. And then the morning of, the fact it was "my" house (obviously my parents, but mine in that I'd lived there for 21 years).

I had the choice of staying in the hotel where my wedding was the night before, but I picked staying at my parents instead. And I genuinely think this helped ease any of the stresses I had as I was so comfortable and at ease there.

Obviously others will have different views and opinions. But to be honest if I'd have had to stay in a hotel for the week leading up to the wedding I'd be extremely stressed. If I wanted that I'd get married abroad. I'm assuming OPs daughter would also have booked a hotel or venue where she could stay, but hasn't. So had planned to stay at home.

OPs husband should respect that.

Book a lovely hotel for you and your daughter in the run up to the wedding so that he's at home dealing with the relatives and you and your daughter can have some last minute stress free time together.

OP, don’t go behind your DH’s back and contact the relatives. Instead, do book yourself and DD into a hotel.

Why has he invited them to stay at yours? Why won’t he backdown now you have explained reality to him? Is he trying to be the “big man” who hosts? If so, he will be having to host won’t he, as you won’t be there!

Just book the hotel now. Once done, the stress is all back onto him. You know what you and DD are doing so can plan accordingly. He, meanwhile, can figure out what to do with the relatives.

Thats fine, let them stay. You and your daughter book into a hotel that night and leave them all too it. You’ll be more relaxed and have more room (maybe even have breakfast brought to the room!)

all paid for by DH of course

Unless your daughter feels it's important to her to get ready at home for whatever reason, I'd book a lovely hotel for the two of you and get ready there. Leave him to host all his relatives.

I had guests the night before my wedding and the night of my wedding (different people) so it's not that I have a problem with visitors staying for a wedding but it's something that is done only if everyone is 100% happy with it.

Awful, I fell for the family members coming as well, I bet they don’t know there aren’t any rooms or beds for them. Your DH presumably expects you to do all the work invoked with having guests (or he doesn’t have a clue).