Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

[dapsnotplimsolls]

Make sure he actually sorts one of the families staying elsewhere and book somewhere for at least one night just in case he 'can't find anywhere for them'.

[caringcarer]

Your DH is being very u fair on you and your dd. The two of you need to move into a travel Inn together and leave idiot home to host all his bloody relatives.

[SunshineLaughter]

The morning of my brothers wedding was so hectic and that was just the 5 of us (parents and us 3 siblings) It was also emotional and lovely.

For my wedding we stayed at a hotel the night before. It was great! Much more relaxing. Can you do the same?

Btw your husbands an idiot so leave him to it. He obviously doesn't realise what a stressful and emotional time this is going to be. So leave him to it. Let him organise food and sleeping arrangements and transport to the wedding for him and his relative and you enjoy getting your daughter ready for her big day.

[MarvellousMrsMouse01]

This sounds like ACTUAL hell on earth and doesn't even sound fun for your would-be guests either!! Please for everyone's sake put your foot down on this one and send them all to the nearest Holiday Inn!

[BR1967]

Get a nice hotel suite for you and daughter and let him deal with the chaos! Refuse to trade suite for intruding relatives! You don't want to deal with his stubborn inconsiderate behavior. He will still stick you with keeping them entertained!

[aloris]

Seaweed42 · Today 12:15
The fact that he did this without asking you says a lot about your relationship.

Yep.

[mathanxiety]

Does this numpty intend to walk his daughter down the aisle?

[JudgeJ]

@Lovetoplan

This is crazy! Book them in to an AirBnB and everyone will be happier.

And make it clear that they're paying for any accommodation themselves, not you or your husband, there's no reason why the bride's family should pay to accommodate their guests.

[JudgeJ]

@Isinglass20

Southern Italian I guess. Husband totally dominated by his Mamma who will throw an volcano of a fit to find she can’t stay with her son, and can’t take over wedding arrangements. It’s a matriarchal society. Even if you move out to a hotel she’ll make it awkward. I divorced my Italian husband. I couldn’t take it any more.

If the wedding is being held here they need to be told accept the way we're doing it or don't come, they can't be allowed to dictate this wedding. If his mummy has a mega strop, leave her to it, there'll be another excuse for her to go off on one soon!

[JudgeJ]

@pinkpantherpink

Suggest he rents an Airbnb for them. Foolish man. Did he forget how small your place is?

They should pay for any accommodation instead of expecting to freeload on this family.

[bluesapphire48]

Are they invited to the wedding?

Regardless of whether or not they are, you should let them know, through some kind of translator if necessary, what the situation is. I cannot imagine that anyone with any sense would want to impose on a family under such crowded circumstances.

If you cannot reason with your husband, and you cannot communicate with his relatives, you need to move into a hotel for the duration of the wedding and perhaps find permanent housing for yourself after. You may not want to go back to your home after all this.

[Jimzle]

Rent yourself a house/hotel near the wedding venue and let him know you solved the problem.

[RinskeD]

@CakeFiend8

Hi @theviewfrommywindow - he backed down a little and is looking for one of the families to stay somewhere else. Which means we still have one family of three (a sister-in-law and her two little children) staying in the house… Not ideal, but at least I won’t have to give up my bedroom, as that family can stay in the second lounge. I’ve told my husband that he will have to look after them/clean up etc, as I’ll be too busy with preparation.

We might still book a nice hotel for me and my daughter the night before the wedding, so we can have a relaxed dinner and sleep. The next day, I can either ask the hotel for a late check-out so we can do all the hair and makeup, or book a second night for her and her new hubby.

Thanks to everyone’s responses here on Mumsnet! ♥️ I was so upset about the whole thing, but reading other people’s thoughts helped me see clearly, and also to formulate a clear plan of action!

Well done Op! I posted up-thread about the night in a hotel with my mum before my wedding being a really special time and an great memory. You might find that too.

[LadyEloise1]

I still think you are better off at home the night before the wedding.
Can your daughter not persuade her dad to send the relatives elsewhere as it will be her last night with her family in the family home. It is special.
My daughters have their dad wrapped around their little fingers. 😀
Not at the stage of your daughter but can't imagine they would let it happen.
Is he your daughter's dad ?

[IoKikiMolly]

Let me guess- you're going to end up doing all the work while he sits back & watches. Does he generally expect you do most of the preparing, cleaning, cooking and entertaining? Is he one of those guys that thinks that is easy because he never has to do it? Is he one of those man-babies who uses "weaponized incompetence" to get out of things?

For example- you ask him to clean the bathroom before guests come. He does a terrible job, so you end up having to frantically do it at the last minute. Its a lot easier to just do it yourself, so you don't ask again, while he gets to say "well its not MY fault you don't like how I do things!" Or when you're upset and stressed say "you should've asked!"

You are NOT being unreasonable. It's the entitlement for me. This is why being a single mom feels so much easier than carrying a grown man around on my back.

[Augustmummy]

YANBU - to take away the stress right now, tell yourself that your husband's plan is not going to happen absolutely full stop - no ifs or buts. If husband won't play ball, ring the families yourself and explain the situation and ask them to book a hotel like any normal family would. Who in their right mind thinks its ok to leave the mother of the bride without a bloody bedroom on the wedding morning. Tell your hubby he is completely unreasonable and he either likes it, lumps it or does whatever but under no circumstances they are staying. Change the locks ha ha xx

[LookItsMeAgain]

As we're getting to the end of October when the wedding is due to be held (or perhaps has already taken place) I was wondering how you got on/will be getting on there @CakeFiend8 ???

Hopefully in the intervening weeks, you have managed to come to an arrangement that works for everyone, including you and your daughter in the run up to her day.

[MrsMitford3]

oooh as soon as I saw this pop up I remembered it-hoping things were sorted out!

[Stilloverwhelmed]

@DifficultBloodyWoman

Book yourself a hotel now.

Definitely this. DH can sleep on the sofa and look after his family at your house. You and DD look after yourselves in the comfort of a hotel.

[KangFang]

How did it all pan out, OP?

[LookItsMeAgain]

@Stilloverwhelmed

Definitely this. DH can sleep on the sofa and look after his family at your house. You and DD look after yourselves in the comfort of a hotel.

Have you actually read the whole thread?????? 🙄