Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

What has your daughter Said to him about this??

Look, you cannot afford to let men, or indeed anyone, evade, ignore, deflect or whatever to avoid having a reasonable conversation. These tactics to get you to shut up and put up will only work if you allow them to. My DH had a habit of doing this, but now he knows I will simply escalate it into a full blown argument. I even warn him that's where he's heading if he won't properly discuss something. He now does discuss things much more reasonably, because he's learned his avoidance tactics will get him nowhere and just make things worse.

As PP said, he invited them without consulting you, so it is not at all unreasonable for you to uninvite them (using Google translate) without consulting him.

If one is 'going behind the back' then so is the other.

This.

Hotel rooms or tents need to be involved.

Book a hotel, with his credit card 👍

Can you get this translated/put into a translator app.

Dear Relative

Dh has been rather stupid and invited your family plus other family to stay with us for dd wedding.

We have no spare bedrooms and only one bathroom. Our house cannot accommodate 11 people. You will all be sleeping on the floor which is unacceptable.

I attach information on local hotels and hope you find somewhere suitable to stay.

Look forward to seeing you at the wedding.

Lots of love
@CakeFiend8

I wouldn't go behind his back to contact the visitors

But I might book my own accommodation nearby

Of course not, he needs to ring them up, say sorry wasn’t thinking - the house will be a shit show - we’d love to have you over for dinner, but you’ll be much happier in a b nb air bnb - near are some links.

No ifs or buts - he does it. You will have to find the links.

If he flat out refuses you will have to send an email in Italian and communicate it that way, (Your daughter can do that presumably, or pay someone to write it.)

Doing this to his daughter is quite serious - don’t give him any quarter. He fixes this now.

I would not let other people sleep in my bed. I find the thought repulsive. What's even more disgusting is they would be willing to take the mother of the brides bed and have her sleep on the floor or wherever.

Tell them you have no spare rooms and you're being expected to give up your bed.

On the day of my wedding, when I was getting ready one of the guests, a friend of my husbands showed up to visit him. The friend didn't know I was in the house, let alone in the bathroom having a bath. The bathroom door was in full view of the kitchen, where he was sitting. I couldn't leave the bathroom as all I had was a small towel. I sat on the edge of the bath for well over an hour listening to them talk. I was too shy to crack the door open and say anything. I was fuming as my soon to be husband knew full well I was naked in the bathroom and the door was in full view of them. It was a sign of things to come actually.

I couldn't imagine having all those people in the house. It's insanity.

And no doubt you'll be expected to shop,cook and clean for these guests too whilst dealing with wedding preparations?

Tell him to book a 3 bed air bnb for them or you go to a hotel for the week and he can deal with the guests.

Moving into a hotel for a few nights with daughter is a genius idea - just do that !!!!!!! he can get on with it at home

Fucking hell, what a prick.

I would ask him, would he rather rescind the invitation now? Or when his family are on your doorstep and you pitch the biggest fit he's ever seen?

I would also tell him that you will NOT be giving up your bed.

I would book an air bandb for you and your DD and leave your DH to deal with his family.

Yeah, that’s a bit strange though. I don’t think putting your dress on at your parents is really a major point for most brides.

I wouldn’t go back and contact his family behind his back. He’s fucked up, he needs to sort it and not wait for you to the bad guy.

Agree with PP to book a hotel. Even with people trying to be kind and considerate, getting ready for a big event like a wedding, with multiple bridesmaids etc getting hair and makeup done, getting dressed and having a quick bite to eat beforehand can quickly become really messy and untidy.

I'd go ballistic if dh offered up our bedroom to anyone except in the most dire of emergency situations. I would definitely get in contact with the families to say there's been a mix up in communication between you and dh, there is no room in your home and send info on local places to stay.

I mean obviously he is wrong... but I am confused.

I make that 9 people.. not 11 - one family of four, one family of three and you and your 'D'H..

One bedroom and a living room with a sofa bed in it, does not sleep 9 though, never mind 11.

'Wherever there's a couch'... do you have a second living room with extra sofas, do you have sofas pinging up around your home, where actually IS everyone going to sleep?

Do his intended guests realise that they will be sleeping three or four to a bed?! I bet they do not!

He cannot turf you out of your own bed without your consent like this. That is hugely disrespectful to you. How selfish of him to put his extended family's desires over his wife and daughter's welfare on his daughter's own wedding day. Do not pay for a hotel either, why should you have to spend even more money on top of paying for the wedding, so that he can walk all over you?

Are they coming for the wedding?

OMG how selfish of him to do this without discussing it, especially as there's no room. I would be saying you are not moving out of your bedroom and they won't be staying, there's just no room and I'm sure they won't want to cram in a house with no room of their own. Also, why should you and your daughter move out to a hotel just to accommodate guests that you don't want there, she's going to want to get ready with her parents I'm sure?

I would be telling him if he doesn't message them to make alternative arrangements you will be doing, I'd show him what you're going to send and I'd send something like this ...

hi, my lovely (twat of a) husband has just told me he's invited you to stay during our daughters wedding, I'm not sure you're aware but we don't have spare bedrooms, and also my daughter would be back home to get ready for her big day with her mum and dad, so you would be on sofas/put me ups, which we don't really have room for either, so I'm giving you some notice for you to sort something else out. Looking forward to seeing you for celebrations.

ciao, il mio adorabile marito mi ha appena detto che ti ha invitato a restare durante il matrimonio delle nostre figlie, non sono sicuro che tu ne sia a conoscenza ma non abbiamo camere da letto libere, e anche mia figlia sarebbe tornata a casa per prepararsi per lei grande giorno, quindi saresti sui divani/mi metteresti a letto, cosa per cui non abbiamo davvero spazio nemmeno per, quindi ti sto avvisando per farti risolvere qualcos'altro. Non vedo l'ora di vederti per le celebrazioni.

I agree with the posters who have said you should book a hotel for you and your daughter, @CakeFiend8.

I think I'd tell your dh there are only three options:
1 - he tells his relatives they can't come to stay.
2 - you use Google translate (or help from here - I bet there is a MNer or two who speak Italian and can translate for you).
3 - you and your dd will be spending the week before the wedding in a hotel.

There is NO option 4, where this stupid arrangement goes ahead - and trying to push it through will ruin his daughter's wedding, his wife's enjoyment of the wedding, and will harm his relationship with both.

THIS. Excellent idea and it would put the stress where it belongs - with your husband.

Yes, either he cancels, you will via Google translate or he is paying for an air b&b.
Ask him which option.
Have DD with you when you give him said options.

Not only a lack of respect for you but also your poor daughter. How could he think that it's ok for his relatives with young children to stay in your home and think heir needs are more important than his own immediate family. Has he always been this selfish? Show him the responses here and hopefully he will do the right thing.

Your husband is a first class ninny.

Please take the initiative of calling the invited parties and telling them not to come. I can't believe any of them would think this invitstion was even remotely OK. They should have checked with you. They should have declined even if they hadn't checked with you.

Who in their right mind would think this was a good idea?