Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

I'd be minded to tell him you will be booking an air B&B for you and your DD in the run up to the wedding and that you will also be leaving him it to it with his relations. He will be hosting them himself and be responsible for all that entails. If he could let you know their departure date and you will return home then...

Cakefiend8
You say you'll wear him down over time. But you haven't got time and neither have the relatives. If you want a nice hotel at a price you can afford, you need to start looking and booking now. And the same applies to the Italian families.

Tonight's the night. You have to tell him to retract the invitation tonight. If he still blusters - start looking on the internet.

one thing - what does your daughter say ? I can imagine mine would have a few choice words........

This! And he can foot the bill!!!

@CakeFiend8 This is one of the rare occasions when you should show your husband this thread.

BTW - how much does he do when you have guests?

Book a lovely Airbnb for you and your daughter for two weeks.

I'd go absolutely bat shit.

As many, many other PPs have suggested, the best option if you can afford it is to book an Airbnb or hotel for you and your daughter for the week. Then he can do as he pleases with his guests and be responsible for hosting them. I guarantee when it's him doing all the cleaning, preparation, shopping, cooking etc he won't invite them again without your agreement.

If it were me I wouldn't even tell him I was doing this. I'd just be off the day before they arrive and leave him to it.

OP, this is something that's happened with my Italian relatives and weddings - although in their cases all the Italians inviting their relatives to stay were women so at least they were aware of the work they were taking on.

I have vivid memories of age 10 or so, having my 12 cousins stay in our 2 bed house so that their parents could host the hordes of guests that had descended on them. It's a point of honour to host family and if your husband doesn't want to pay for a hotel this is the alternative.

If you and your daughter stay at a hotel, does that free up one room or two? If it's two you can tell your husband that the best option is for you to stay away so the guests can be properly accommodated (he'll still have to take the sofa) whilst giving you a calm start to the day. He gets to maintain face and be a better host, you get your calm, and your daughter doesn't have to get up at 3am to get a shower.

Wearing him down over time doesn't seem very fair on the relatives who potentially have to book a hotel last minute if you succeed in eventually wearing him down, because how long is that going to take?!

Honestly if this is real he sounds like an arsehole.

Definitely find a hotel. Having to play host to a house of 10 people, all speaking another language, in the leadup to your daughter's wedding sounds genuinely awful.

I actually blame the guests. They were asked to stay out of politeness, and anyone with a hint of common sense would surely decline to stay in the Bride's house. The nerve of them, are they stupid?

DH probably did not think they would say yes. But the selfish self centred idiots DID, and here you all are.

Anyway you and DH need to clear the air with them and turf them out to an hotel nearby. Doesn't matter what it costs, you will reap the rewards of the expense a hundred fold by enjoying your daughter's prep amongst yourselves only.

Can you book a posh hotel for you and dd to get ready in the night before maybe have a pamper.

I agree with others posters saying book yourself and dd into a hotel/ air b & b.
Lord above what an idiot your dh is.
Make sure you do not do any run I g about for your dh or his guests, that’s on him.

Depending on your budget could you look
at finding them an Airbnb? If they’re coming all the way from Italy can understand your husband feeling like he wants
to make them
welcome but completely not ok! You need
the space that week as you will
be so busy.

Obviously he's in the wrong and it can't happen
Is there a reason he's done this (they have no money? he feels he owes them?). can you give him an alternative like a b and b. you also have to make clear that you will not be hosting or entertaining them pre wedding.
What would happen if you daughter asked him to retract rather than you. Would he listen to her.
If he really refuses to move and not listen to the feelings of either of. you, I would definitely write to his relatives or move to a five star hotel. Whichever you and your daughter would prefer.

I feel furious on your behalf.

This. Let him deal with it all.

He will soon recind the invitation when HE has to do the work not you.

If I were you I’d book myself into a hotel, without him, that week!

Where does your daughter normally live? With her fiancé?

Does he not realise that 11 people in a small huse with just one bathroom is going to be a problem?

What if you just told him that you absolutely will not be giving up your bed or changing any part of your day to accommodate unwanted guests?
But I would send them a message saying "DH hos told me he's invited you to stay at our house but we don't any spare beds and it's going to be very busy the morning of the wedding so I think its best you get a hotel"

Thank you everyone for your comments!

I've read them all and come to the conclusion that I will tell him to explain to the families that there's no room here and that I'd be sleeping 'on the floor'. And I'll also tell him that if he doesn't tell them, I will. So everything's upfront.

Thank you @Melassa for your Italian message, and @RampantIvy too for your tweaked version in formal Italian. Really appreciate that! I definitely will use that when it comes to it. Yes, I'd be happy to search for Airbnbs for them.

And if all fails, the general consensus is that we will book a nice Airbnb on his expense. Ideally, my daughter wants to be at home to prepare, because she wants all her things around her - but we'll do the airbnb as a last resort. She's mad too, and has tried everything to get him to back down, as well.

I definitely won't leave things to the last minute to be fair to the families, and to give them time to find their own accommodation - hopefully!

And yes, there is an Italian 'putting up the family' tradition here; he has several other family members who are coming too, and he's asking friends to put them up as well... That's another story!

I will tell him to explain to the families that there's no room here and that I'd be sleeping 'on the floor'

I think you mean they'd be sleeping on the floor....

I assume you’re having hair, make up and a photographer also at your house on the morning of the wedding, so that’s another 3 people on top of the 11. What about bridesmaids? Presumably also coming over to get ready. Florist dropping off bouquets etc?

I think you need to make it absolutely clear that the getting ready part requires a lot of space and that you don’t want to be spending good money on photographs of your daughter getting into her dress etc with 8 peoples luggage and a sofa bed in the background.

I don't think you have the time to wear him down to be honest.

This needs dealing with and the sooner the better for the guests travelling from Italy as they will have the widest selection available for places to stay. The longer you leave it, the fewer the options.

Have they accepted? Are they selfish like your DH? Book them into a travelodge or Premier Inn and be done with it. Tell them how much it is as they need to pay

I would be telling him in no uncertain terms to withdraw the invitation. I can't believe they agreed to it either, they must realise what an imposition it will be.