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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

371 replies

CakeFiend8 · 24/08/2022 14:16

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

OP posts:
AlexandriasWindmill · 24/08/2022 20:35

Are there not any relatives on his side that speak Italian and English, and would also think this isn't workable eg his sibling, a parent? If so, chat to them and they can tell the Italian relatives that it isn't practical to stay with you and they have to make other arrangements.
For all that Italian families stay with relatives and just chip in, I don't know any of my Italian relatives who would want to sleep on the floor and put out family on the week of their DD's wedding. They'd be really annoyed with your DH.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2022 20:43

I’m glad you’ve decide you’ll sort this out. It sounds as though you’d be best to get a big air bnb for everyone or a travelodge, including those, your husband has shoehorned into being put up by friends. Hopefully you can afford the bill… and who is supposed to feed them?!

StaplesCorner · 25/08/2022 00:47

"Ideally, my daughter wants to be at home to prepare, because she wants all her things around her - but we'll do the airbnb as a last resort. She's mad too, and has tried everything to get him to back down, as well."

I just don't understand why you'd let him treat your DD like this. As I asked earlier - are you scared of him?

BusyMum47 · 25/08/2022 09:34

Nanny0gg · 24/08/2022 14:17

Tell him either he apologises and rescinds the invitations or you will. Whilst laying the blame firmly at his feet

100% this!⬆️ No way you should have a houseful & be giving up your bed during what will be a stressful, busy & special week!!

Is he insane??

HaveringWavering · 25/08/2022 11:27

StaplesCorner · 25/08/2022 00:47

"Ideally, my daughter wants to be at home to prepare, because she wants all her things around her - but we'll do the airbnb as a last resort. She's mad too, and has tried everything to get him to back down, as well."

I just don't understand why you'd let him treat your DD like this. As I asked earlier - are you scared of him?

Does your daughter actually live in the house with you normally? (That’s quite unusual in this day and age, living at home with your parents until you get married!)

I ask because I was wondering if she had a flat she could offer to the relatives to stay in while she gets ready at the family home. But if she already lives with her fiancé I suppose he will be using it.

Frannyhy · 25/08/2022 11:43

Anyone on here who is Italian, or speaks the language? Write StaplesCorner a message in Italian for her to send to her husband’s relatives.

Sorted.

Frannyhy · 25/08/2022 11:46

Oh sorry I hadn’t read the whole thread - I see someone already suggested it.

aloris · 25/08/2022 13:59

This must be so stressful for your daughter. I can't believe you've raised the issue with him and he's STILL giving preference to his out-of-town relatives over THE BRIDE! What kind of father does this to his daughter on her wedding?

Scampski1220 · 25/08/2022 17:49

No way are you being unreasonable. He should be happy to still have a spouse. If it was me I’d make him undo what he has done.

congratulations mother of the bride!!! It will be ok!!!

Skodacool · 25/08/2022 17:54

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/08/2022 14:30

I'd tell him you and your daughter are moving into a hotel for a week so that you can relax and enjoy the build up and preparations and he can host his family and all that comes with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

This would be my suggestion

billy1966 · 25/08/2022 17:58

StaplesCorner · 25/08/2022 00:47

"Ideally, my daughter wants to be at home to prepare, because she wants all her things around her - but we'll do the airbnb as a last resort. She's mad too, and has tried everything to get him to back down, as well."

I just don't understand why you'd let him treat your DD like this. As I asked earlier - are you scared of him?

You must be scared of him OP, because it really is hard to imagine remaining married to a man who would cause such selfish stress to his bride daughter.

Completely unforgivable IMO and so unnecessary.

Twowilldo50 · 25/08/2022 18:08

MAYBE the night after the wedding when no one wants to stop celebrating, but the run up is too much.

tkwal · 25/08/2022 18:12

Let your husband and his family go to an air b&b or something and your house can remain the oasis of peace and calm you and your daughter need it to be

CambsAlways · 25/08/2022 18:16

Batshit situation, 11 living in a house, my DH would never do that

Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom · 25/08/2022 18:18

Book an Airbnb or hotel? Leave him to play happy families?

bellocchild · 25/08/2022 18:18

CakeFiend8 · 24/08/2022 14:25

@Lobelia123 Thanks. But they're his relatives from Italy, and I don't speak Italian that well, so all the communication with them is through him...

Google Translate works very well...

Kazibar · 25/08/2022 18:19

If money isn’t a big issue, u could book yourself plus your daughter into a ritzy hotel. Tricky shit like this, is best handled simply and honestly. Tell you DH he needs to deal with this, you don’t speak their language and it’s really stressing you out.is there a middle group und wherein they could stay. For two days. M maximum, whilst you and your daughter go get pampered somewhere…. I would not want my daughter sleeping on a sofa bed for her wedding eve….

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 25/08/2022 18:19

What does your daughter have to say?

perhaps she can tell him

either way I would definitely go to a hotel or book a room at the venue if there is one

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 25/08/2022 18:20

Also I’d be saying to your husband that you will send an email to them (using Google translate) by the end of the week if he doesn’t

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 25/08/2022 18:35

Could you book yourself somewhere lovely to stay and let him get on with it?

Mollymoostoo · 25/08/2022 18:39

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/08/2022 14:30

I'd tell him you and your daughter are moving into a hotel for a week so that you can relax and enjoy the build up and preparations and he can host his family and all that comes with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep. Book yourselves into a hotel and leave him to it. Much better than the stress this will bring.

DMW60 · 25/08/2022 18:43

Tell him that you have booked yourself and daughter a extremely expensive hotel for a few days prior to wedding, as you want to be able to relax and enjoy your daughter wedding not work yourself to a frazzle looking after 11 people. He does need to think about your daughter, on one of most important days of her life, fighting for bathroom. Definitely book hotel!

Everyflippingusernameistaken · 25/08/2022 18:49

Is he bloody mad?! Totally unreasonable. Whatever possessed him? You shouldn't have any one staying at such a stressful time. He should have considered his daughter and wife more.

Runmybathforme · 25/08/2022 18:49

Seriously ?? You're worried about " going behind his back ". I'd be booking into a hotel. Stop being a doormat.

Norwegiancopice · 25/08/2022 18:55

He went behind your back inviting these people without consulting you. Is he crazy?
Either he sorts it by the weekend or book a hotel for you and your daughter. Show him the responses on this thread then if he still acts like a dictator see a solicitor. Good luck.