Don’t want to move in with MIL!

[ChangeNane1]

hi all I need so ideas on what to do -

situation is we’ve sold our home and are exchanging in 10 days. We will have 3 weeks exactly from date of exchange to moving into our new home.

I stupidly left it to husband to deal with and he kept assuring me it’s all being dealt with but now I find out he hasn’t found anything! His plan is to move with his mum as he doesn’t want to “waste” the money. I do not get along with her and 3 weeks feels like hell.

what are my options? He is saying 3 weeks but could well be longer as date has only been discussed and nothing signed. DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

I looked at air bnb but it’s ridiculous prices. Estate agents require minimum 6 months.

please give me some ideas!

Money - remind him that you are looking after HIS kids (he has equal responsibility, they are not just your responsibility), and without you he would have to pay for childcare. So his money argument is crap!

You really don't sound happy. So would you seriously consider divorce? If so you need to get some advice. Start with Citizens Advice.

I do think your MIL is only part of a much bigger problem with your husband, his attitudes etc. He does not appear to respect you.

All I can say, as someone, who had this living hell/nightmare for 9 very long months. Don't do it, tell him to sod off.
We did have a separate room for us and a separate room for our son. We used our double room, as the living room too.
But cooking was a nightmare, his in-laws ate later on. But still I would have FIL hanging around, asking what I was cooking, maybe not at tea time, but sometimes at dinner, or some days, at both meal times.
We had some privacy, but not enough. Could you live with your parents? I took a break around Christmas time, at my mums, as I was on the edge of a nervous break down by then. (moved in, in September)
It didn't help, mil let a friend of hers, stay in our room over Christmas, without asking us, she had another spare room, her friend could have used, but no. She had also just chucked our bedding in the corner of the room, she could have put it in the wash basket. I was pissed with a capital P. So went back to my mums, we had gone for 3 days, I stayed for 3 weeks, to get over the Christmas guest incident.

I love my family and grandchildren very much. We get on extremely well and I love my DIL. They stayed with us for three weeks. At the end I couldn’t wait for them to settle into their new house as DH and I were exhausted and I was happy to have my own “space” again. I was shopping constantly for food and our electricity bill was 50 percent higher for that time! If your MIL is putting you all up it isn’t exactly easy for her. Try to go and take up the offer - maybe take her out for lunch a couple of times to strengthen the relationship and save some money to use fior your new home. Good Luck!

I didn't read further than your initial post. I didn't need to.
Your DH saying it's HIS money as you're a SAHM?
That would be the end of the relationship for me. No more chat would be needed.

3 weeks not too long.
Suck it up and spend days out.

Could you move in with your own family instead?

I would take the kids to my parents and keep them off school and think about my decisions to go back to work to be independent and not use his money.

Is it really going to be only for three weeks?
these things can really drag on. If it’s really only 3 weeks then either take a deep breath and stay with mil or pull the kids out of nursery/ school for 3 weeks and stay wherever you can with your family - even if you have to travel to them. Or book an off season mobile home somewhere cheap and call it a holiday.

Contracts haven't been exchanged? Cancel the sale. "His" money? With your MIL being controlling, it's clear where he gets it from. You are not there to be her skivvy. I'd be very suspicious about all this. I think @GinIronic is right. Speak to a solicitor.

DH keeps reminding me that it’s his money and as I’m a SAHM at present it’s his decision.

this is a far bigger problem than staying with the in-laws for 3 weeks. How can you be with someone so disrespectful?

See if a friend will put you up for a while.

Could u stay with your family or your friends for a few days in the middle to break it up at least.

This rings a lot of alarm bells both DH and his mum sound really controlling. Maybe time to get a j oband reshape things a bit.

you need a divorce a proper legal divorce He will soon discover who has the upper hand moneywise

I’m too controlling to no t have a source of my own £££. Did u discuss £££ before the SAHM de ion.

Where are we going here? - Lots of questions no answers.

Unless exchange and completion is on the same day you do not move out of your home on exchange of contracts. It is not unusual for there to be a few weeks of renting or staying with family if all the people in a chain want to keep the chain from breaking.

It worries me OP that you know nothing about the house buying process which implies you are not on any paperwork and DH is selling/buying in his sole name.

Your DH is definitely his mother's son isn't he. Knowing full well his mother has been abusive to you in the past and he wants to move you back in with her.

Maybe you can remind him that sahm or not if you are married half the money is your and so is half the house ! Consider your relationship

Could you manage three weeks in a large tent in your DMIL's garden with access to her washing machine?

The bigger question is has he really got a new house lined up for after the 3 weeks or are the moving in with MIL permanently?,

Premier inn??

I don't understand this. Once you have exchanged, you stay in your current home until Completion, whereupon you move straight into your new home. Three weeks is not an unusual length of time between Exchange and Completion.
Why is moving in with your MIL even on the table for discussion? It won't be necessary.
As others have said, I do hope your husband isn't trying to pull a fast one. You are married, so all assets are joint. Perhaps he needs reminding of this?

How can you not be 100% sure that you have a new home to move into? Have you been to view it, seen the paperwork, signed anything?

OP - That comment he made about money is financial abuse and illegal. If you are married, it legally makes 50% of any income -YOURS-. You need to look up the law on this and show it to him.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. No decent husband would force you. Move in with a friend, live in the car, rent a bedsit etc do whatever it takes to show him you are not and will not be financially or Psychologically abused by him. You could even contact Women's Aid. Also, lots of women work during school hours. I work full time compressed hours over 3 days and hubby and I juggle it. You are worth more than this and deserve more.

OP - That comment he made about money is financial abuse and illegal. If you are married, it legally makes 50% of any income -YOURS-. You need to look up the law on this and show it to him.

I suggest OP doesn't bother looking up the law on this because legally you are wrong. It might be split 50/50 if they divorced, but this is not a given. Morally maybe it should be 50/50. But legally? No.