About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

But her response did make her sound stupid.

I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

Really rather stupid.

Sorry but YABU

no need for such a dramatic speech when you could just ignore or say that’s a weird thing to say and just walk off

That wasn't the chit chat 😂
That was in response to the "Random man, can't you see I'm a helpless female alone in this big dangerous supermarket and you've SPOKEN to me!" horseshit.

Weird thing to say but I've learned some people have 'questionable' humour! Some things I find funny people would think weird.

I'd be like haha, yeah..😐 ... And hope he left me alone soon!

@tulips27
YANBU but I have noticed a rise in bizarre unsolicited comments from strangers; are people still adjusting to socialising more after the pandemic?

I think people have communicated and made small talk with people when out and about in their community for thousands of years. Pretty sad it’s now becoming unacceptable.

Quite. It isn't really, though. Not for normal people.

Generation gap thing perhaps?

Older people tend to be more likely to
offer unsolicited advice and comment as this was normal once upon a time.

I was going to say something similar.

All these ‘he wouldn’t say that to a man’ comments makes no sense. It’s not like he said ‘whew nice legs sexy’ or something like that. He made a rubbish joke about a baby. He most likely would have said this to another bloke

What’s she supposed to say? Hahahah well, I hope he doesn’t make a habit of it hahaha? It’s totally fair enough that some women don’t like random men coming up to them and making inane comments. The reverse would never happen, would it?

Good grief, that 'thank you random man' comment wasn't funny or clever the first time, and this is just a feeble attempt to get lightening to strike twice, and get a load of 'you go gurrrrl' type comments, and it's backfired spectacularly. I'm embarrassed for you @Pbbananabagel

The man's comment was a bit daft and pointless, but your silly retort was much worse. Such an OTT reaction.

Sorry for your loss, but I don't understand why people on here get so upset by comments from randomers. It must make life very draining.

He was only making conversation!

I get that some sexist blokes love passing remarks to women, but this isn’t what happened here. I think he’d be just as likely to say it to a dad.

it’s not insulting. If you didn’t find it funny, just ignore.

and am afraid it’s not desirable or possible for people to treat everyone with kid gloves in the off chance they’ve lost a family member.

I think you’re making a big drama out of this. Poor bloke.

I'm cringing over your responses

Some women must really struggle with the burden of their victim complex every time they venture out in public.

What do you mean the reverse wouldn't happen?

Are you saying women never make jokes to strangers just because they're men?

I could well have smiled and pointed out to dad that his baby was holding a crispy puff like a cigarette.

I would've been taken aback if he'd reacted in a dramatic way though.

Were you shaking and crying too?
Very ott reaction op...

OP I understand. You are in a bad place and tipped you over the edge. I think you realise your response was OTT. Don't let it get to you, you over reacted this once. At least you know you have the balls to react if ever someone does say something truly rude to you!

The 'random man ' comment haters - is it just because you think that his comment didn't warrant it, or don't you like it as a response to anything? What is it about the expression you don't like? To me it reads the same as "complete stranger", as in "oh great, a complete stranger is telling me to smile, now I'm all happy again" which seems like a fair enough response to me.

This. This right here.

At least you know you have the balls to react if ever someone does say something truly rude to you!
Sure, practise pissing all over the one's who aren't rude, just so you'll be at the top of your game when someone is. Top advice, that.

ODFOD, stop being such a patronising cow. Nothing has happened to me, like many many women I'm just thoroughly sick of random men thinking the world revolves them and we should all do a tinkly laugh at their stupid unsolicited 'jokes', and pathetic women backing them up

Yep. Totally agree with all this!

For me, as a general rule:

Unsolicited comments on physical appearance - not acceptable

Mansplaining - not acceptable

’Jokes’ relating to your appearance, such as “smile, it might never happen” - not acceptable

Unsolicited, friendly small talk/comments/jokes - fine.

This man’s comment was in the latter category for me, and is the same sort of comment that is often (perhaps usually) made by women.

It absolutely would. Women are always making lame, transparent attempts to engage my husband in conversation. Especially when he's out alone with our youngest.

He was only making a harmless joke but understandable that your not in the mood for jokes at this time , take care