About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

He said what he wanted to say, whether it was a "joke" or not, he still approached you, uninvited, and said it.

Have we really got to the point in life where some people think you need an invitation to speak to a stranger?

Do people really not pass the time at bus stops for example anymore, because apparently you need an invitation to speak to another human being?

I wonder if this is a result of 20+ years of online chatting etc.

I'm not going to comment on the OP's response. If I'm having an off day I'd probably would say the same. Some days I'm in the mood to enjoy a spontaneous moment. Other days I'm not.

What struck me was the man's response. Which I think was out of order.

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’ That was his immediate response. OP was being 'stupid'. Nice... So his ego couldn't just accept that on this occasion his random and 'in her face' comment fell flat and wasn't appreciated?

What he should have done if he hadn't been such a knob was to accept it gracefully and quietly apologise.

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that”

A not unreasonable reply.

and he tutted and said ”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off. Could have quietly apologised at this point. But no, it's 'ridiculous' because OP didn't smile, didn't enjoy the 'joke'.

Jeez.

And everybody clapped and cheered and confetti rained from the sky.

YANBU. Your response was perfectly justified, don’t feel bad about it. I would hate to be approached by random weirdos with their witticisms.

Oh my god! A random man deigned to speak down to you! How could that not be the highlight of your day? You should have been hanging on every word.

He sounds annoying.

Honestly?

Your response was disproportionate and unnecessary.

The man was just making a harmless joke. It might not have been particularly funny, but there was obviously no malice there.

He had no way of knowing the significance of what he said.

I had some random bloke come up to me in the supermarket and stuck his head in the pram and went "Is your mummy not feeding you!"... The baby literally just started to grizzle a bit and I was getting things out my bag to make a bottle up. It really wound me up!!!

Exactly what I thought. I live in Yorkshire and people talk to each other all the time without a formal invitation! I'd be very sad if this were to change.

Exactly!

No wonder so many people are lonely, particularly the elderly as many of them don't even have the internet for company.

None of you know if he would have said it to a man, he might well have done, men say stupid stuff to each other too you know. Honestly, it was a daft comment, OP should have just let it go rather than creating a drama out of nothing.

If I responded like this to everyone who made a passing comment about DD I would never rest.

Just smile and carry on walking.

I think it’s quite a funny joke. I’d laugh. I lost my dad to lung cancer a couple of years ago. It was horrible and traumatic but a random making a joke wouldn’t know that.
It sounds like you’re having a hard time, but I think you were a bit ott.

This

I probably would’ve just rolled my eyes and ignored him.

No, that is really not the point. You poor thing, what happened to you?

ODFOD, stop being such a patronising cow. Nothing has happened to me, like many many women I'm just thoroughly sick of random men thinking the world revolves them and we should all do a tinkly laugh at their stupid unsolicited 'jokes', and pathetic women backing them up

It wouldn’t occur to me to be offended over that. I don’t like speaking to strangers in general, but I’d have just murmured something to humour him and moved on.

He was a dick, but were over dramatic. But I see why. Sorry for your losses

Of course he would.

He thought it was a funny/chit chat comment and was being 'kind' to a baby.

I think he'd have said it to whomever was with the baby.

Same. Luckily no one actually does it in real life. Just in ‘what I wish I said’ world

Nah, something happened. Your response to a random comment is really not normal.

You don't know random man's backstory. We none of us know what another person might be experiencing/going through etc.

so random person makes a less than tasteful “joke” to mum and baby minding their own business. MN say this is fine and not rude
Mum responding with the jokey “random man” response. MN verdict is that this IS rude and she was unreasonable.
🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Doesnt matter what backstory was and random man didn’t know it. The point she made to random man was valid- if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.

Totally agree!!

People talk to me 1000x a day when I've got the kids with me.
I'm very sorry for your loss. The man didn't do anything wrong though.
I would have just laughed and moved on.