About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

[waterlego]

I’m sorry this man’s comment upset you. I wouldn’t have found it particularly funny but nor would I have been offended, I don’t think. I would most likely have given him one of those smiles you give people when you don’t really mean it, and moved on.

I also lost my parents to cancer, but I’m not sure why that’s relevant (my parents never smoked). Nonetheless, losing our parents is hard for most people, no matter our age, so you have my sympathies. 💐

[Goingtogoinsane]

How was it insulting saying the way he’s holding a crisp looked like a cigarette?

[BlackbirdsSinging]

OP have you never just opened your mouth and blabbed without thinking? I know I have! He probably was just making conversation.

[NerrSnerr]

I agree that men only do the 'cheer up luv' comments to women but he wasn't making a sexist comment- just an observation that he probably thought was a little bit funny. My husband is massive but still gets the 'someone isn't very happy today' comments when out and about.

[NerrSnerr]

Did the crisp look like a cigarette?

[RaRaRaspoutine]

You reacted because he touched a nerve. Maybe people shouldn't make random stupid comments unless they're prepared to deal with a reply? Yes you overreacted but you had a reason. If it had been something else you probably would have just laughed it off. Don't dwell on it.

[Tandora]

@Keepingupappearance

God this thread just shows how indoctrinated women are o
to have to put with shit and Be Nice to dock head men.

he would never have said this to a man.

he’s a dickhead.

who gives a fuck if you overreacted

I get your point, but also he wasn’t making a sexist comment. He was just a random person, talking to another random person. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that male entitlement had anything to do with it. All sorts of random people talk to me when I am out with my baby- mostly older women.

[NicolaSixSix]

Why is a random man, a stranger, making an unsolicited comment about your baby? Why are you supposed to put up with it quietly, like a good little submissive girl? As someone said if you were a 6ft man this rando would not have approached you and chatted BS about your baby’s appearance.

you people crack me up, telling women to go all meek accepting rando’s telling them this or that about their baby. Grow a backbone

[AStar98]

You really should let it go, you've said your piece after his quite bizarre comment. Unlikely to bump into him again, I wouldn't waste your energy.

[NicolaSixSix]

@Tandora

I get your point, but also he wasn’t making a sexist comment. He was just a random person, talking to another random person. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that male entitlement had anything to do with it. All sorts of random people talk to me when I am out with my baby- mostly older women.

@Tandora and do they get in your face to tell you that it looks like your baby is smoking, or do they make much more innocuous comments from a socially acceptable distance?

[Johnnysgirl]

This "thank you, Random Man" thing is toe curling.
Don't be so bloody sensitive. Your back story is your own affair.

[Brigante9]

Random bloke, I’d have just walked away. 🤷‍♀️

[Whattodoaboutworknow]

Wow I’m sorry about your back story but his comment was totally innocent. Poor guy.

[NerrSnerr]

@NicolaSixSix

Why is a random man, a stranger, making an unsolicited comment about your baby? Why are you supposed to put up with it quietly, like a good little submissive girl? As someone said if you were a 6ft man this rando would not have approached you and chatted BS about your baby’s appearance.

you people crack me up, telling women to go all meek accepting rando’s telling them this or that about their baby. Grow a backbone

And if it was a 5ft woman who made the comment what should the OP have done. I have young children and I'd say at least 80% of the random comments come from women.

[Pbbananabagel]

@MarshaBradyo yes I really said that. And for the next half an hour felt like I was having an out of body experience, that’s why I really need a reality check. Normally, I would just laugh and move on but this one really got me and I snap-reacted. Guess I’ll be doing online shopping for the foreseeable 😅

[jewishmum]

He thought your baby looked cute and funny and wanted to share his joy in seeing your baby with you. You were BU.

[RosyappleA]

My daughter held her pacifier like a cigarette and it was funny to me too. I think you just happened to be in a bad mood/low. If you weren’t going to entertain the comment I would have just smiled and moved on.
The comment wasn’t exactly specific to your trauma such that it would trigger it. It was just completely random. Like another said he didn’t exactly know the back story. I have experienced incredibly great trauma but would never take it out on anyone else. I think people are way too passively angry or take things way too personally these days. We all seem to be on edge.

[Johnnysgirl]

Guess I’ll be doing online shopping for the foreseeable 😅
Fgs! Bit of a drama queen, aren't you?

[girlfriend44]

Not another random man one.
People speak to each other all the time just forget it and move on.
Too serious.

[EdgeOfACoin]

@jewishmum

He thought your baby looked cute and funny and wanted to share his joy in seeing your baby with you. You were BU.

I agree with this.

I also think there is a high likelihood that the man would have made the comment to another man.

Really bizarre overreaction from the OP.

[RedHelenB]

A really gentle yabu.

[Pbbananabagel]

@jewishmum yes I agree. Definitely took it the wrong way and shouldn’t have clapped back like I did.

[Drinkingpop]

Congratulations for saying what was on your mind. He pointlessly engaged you and should expect a response and possibly one that he doesn't approve of. Leaning in to your face indeed.

I once giggled nervously when a man said to my small child, i bet you're a flirt just like your mum. I'm so conditioned to be polite and not challenge. Hope i'd respond differently if that sort of thing happened again.

[GreyGoose1980]

I think your reaction was slightly strong but nothing to feel bad about. The comment wasn’t funny and was creepy in terms of referring to a baby smoking. I wouldn’t have liked it and wouldn’t have laughed, so don’t feel bad. You have probably stopped him making similar comments to other mums which will benefit others.

[IncessantNameChanger]

I try to be polite when random people talk to me unless they being obviously rude. I have a disabled son and it's made me realise a lot of chatty randoms have learning difficulties. Its seconds out of my day to make idle chit chat.

Unless your giving me 'back in my day we would given him( toddler with asd) and a smack' in which case its obviously intended to offend and depending on my mood I might reply with 'back in your day my disabled child would be tied to a radiator in an asylum for life, ah the good old days eh?'

The best thing to do is ignore as theres nothing to stew over. Because I did say that reply and whilst I'm sure I offended her greatly as her reward for her unwanted smug remark, I felt like a shit afterwards. In the grand scheme who gives a fig on his / her opinion.