About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

Of all the comments men have made to me that have been deserving of short shrift, this one would not have been one of them. It was a not actually funny attempt at a joke and he had no idea of the sheer coincidence that it coincided with those significant and upsetting anniversaries for you. How do you know that he isn't a lonely widow and you were his only contact of the day? I'm all for not putting up with shit from men and standing up for yourself but honestly he just sounds like someone with crap social skills trying to have a bit of social interaction. All those professionally offende people who don't like others noticing their babies, attempting to pay them compliments or talk to them, maybe you should stay at home instead!

Also on Mumsnet...

"The British don't like children. They're so much friendlier in Europe where even waiting staff will smile and chat to them".

People can't bloody win.

I don’t understand what was wrong with what he said 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m sorry for your losses OP, it’s an awful way to go, but you can’t jump down the throat of some poor man trying to make innocent conversation with you. If you don’t want to talk to people, that’s fine, just smile and move on, but lots of people make polite conversation with each other and we can’t live in a world where people are scared to connect.

His was an attempt at humour. You didn't find it funny but you didn't have to be rude and give him a mouthful in response, poor man. if you didn't want to engage you could have just said "oh yes", and walked off.

He's not to know it was a bad day for you. Perhaps he thought you looked glum and he would try to cheer you up.

The comment wouldn’t bother me, but if he actually leaned into your face then YANBU

A random woman in a supermarket said “is that your child” as I was pushing the trolley, and when DH appeared she asked “I suppose that’s the father then?” 😂

See this is the thing, if the OP was feeling depressed, why would a comment like this make her feel any better? It wouldn’t.

So many men feel entitled to say pointless, rude, cuntish remarks to lone women, knowing they won't get decked
Have you read the thread?!
There was nothing remotely cuntish about this, nor any reason why he'd be at risk of being "decked".
You, on the other hand, sound like someone I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
Rough as a badger's arse.

Unsolicited comments lol! Strangers dont need to book in appointments to be friendly in public.

And honestly drop the bullshit about this wouldn't happen to a man. It does. Frequently. As i said my dp is 6'4 big intimidating and can be aggressive. Yet he gets comments about his child in public from men and women all the time. A man in the supermarket once came up and told dp his son looked like harry potter. Dp laughed all the way round the shop.

This mumsnet random man craze is so cringeworthy and weird 🙈If I was with a friend and she did what you did I’d be mortified?! Did it really make you feel better than it would have if you’d have just acknowledged the comment and got on with your day?
No wonder people were staring, this is mad.

So many men feel entitled to say pointless, rude, cuntish remarks to lone women, knowing they won't get decked.

His comments wasn't funny and it wasn't necessary, and you had no obligation to laugh out of politeness or make him feel good about it.

@pixie5121 I don't consider his remark rude or cuntish, and whether it was funny or not is purely subjective (I actually smiled when I imagined what a baby eating a crisp like a cigarette might look like, so to me it was mildly amusing). Also, and this isn't about "be kind", which I loath, but I love these little "pointless" and "unnecessary" human interactions and I frequently have them with both men and women 🙂I draw the line at "smile love, it might never happen" though 🙄

A weird comment but I would've just raised my eyebrows at him and went on my way. It's not worth getting worked up over something so trivial.

So many men feel entitled to say pointless, rude, cuntish remarks to lone women, knowing they won't get decked.

Good he didn't say any comments that were rude or cuntish. He was just making conversation. The reply from OP was rude though.

I think this too. He may be an older person and lonely just looking to interract with other people! Note sure he’d bother again though.

I'm sorry it’s a difficult time for you OP but the person commenting wasn’t to know that and you totally overreacted.

Oh what a load of rubbish! 99% of the people who made random comments about my babies were women. I say 99% but I can't actually remember a single time a man commented on my children. I received quite a few rude comments from random women which I still remember now (11 years later). Also random men do make humorous remarks to each other. I've seen it many times. This is not in the same category as random men saying "Cheer up love" which I do agree is infuriating and they they'd be less likely to say it to other men. This instance was just a harmless attempt at small talk.

Jeez the amount of female socialisation on this thread is disgusting with all the 'he was just joking' apologists.

The point is that the random man should have kept his fucking ridiculous joke to himself in the first place and then there wouldn't have been an issue.

Don’t worry about it OP.
He was a random man making a pointless unwanted observation. You owed him nothing.

If someone wants to chat, at least make eye contact and check if the body language is welcoming before indulging yourself in pointless chit chat. To force your irritating unwanted comments on strangers is extremely rude.

Most of the time I’ll engage but I also give off ‘fuck off’ vibes when I definitely don’t want to be hassled by strangers. Practise it in front of a mirror.

Now that's a weird one @RosiePosie27! 😆Definitely worse than “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp” 😬😄

Random man can mind his own business. It's not a joke (because it's not funny) and he's just poking you essentially. Weirdo.

No, that is really not the point. You poor thing, what happened to you?

I think you massively overreacted. Not a comment I would have made but I don't think he meant anything by it at all

The only person who I consider to have been 'rude and cuntish' in that exchange is the OP.

And even then, she couldn't even think of a cuntish reply of her own. She went for the silly cringeworthy Mumsnet reply.

Random but don't think he meant any malice. I would have just smiled and walked on.

You sound very approachable