About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

My general response to random men making jokes of this type is to go ‘pardon?’ accompanied by a blank look. If they are stupid enough to repeat it, they get a puzzled look, maybe an ‘ok?’ and then I walk way. My goal is to get them to realise how stupid they sound. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

YABU and this is why no one talks to each other in supermarkets anymore.

If you see him again just apologise.

It sounds like you’re very stressed and you took all of your anger out on this poor man.

YANBU but I have noticed a rise in bizarre unsolicited comments from strangers; are people still adjusting to socialising more after the pandemic?

What, by making yourself sound stupid? Interesting strategy, do you think it works?

YABU (kindly), it was a shit joke that warranted no response. Maybe an eye roll or 'uh huh' as you carried on.
If we're on the whataboutery maybe he's desperately lonely or depressed and just wanted some kind of human contact and that was his way of getting it. OTOH maybe he's just got no craic.

Obviously your losses are a trigger for you, which is understandable and from your response I've assumed it's recent, but if you relate every inane comment back to that it's going make life unnecessarily difficult. And getting into arguments or being weirdly aggressive to strangers in the supermarket isn't going to help you.

Everyone seems to feel entitled to pass comment when you have a child, it's infuriating and shouldn't happen but it does and you need to learn to deal with it in a healthy way.

My first baby in 2017 I felt SO LONELY and hardly anyone ever struck up conversation with me about her while I was out in public.

My 2021 baby gets a handful of comments and smiles from people every time!

Exactly this.

What a load of tosh. You think men never make random comments or silly jokes to one another? Honestly some people are such misery guts.

OP,
Your reaction was of course completely unwarranted, but it was prompted by your sad backstory. I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone to cancer is always a horrible way to see them go, and there is never a good time for parents to die. I hope you manage to heal.

And he was holding it like a cigarette. Yes, I can see it.
Op, have a bloody word with yourself. Shame on you with your Random Man diatribe to some passerby making a cheerful joke.

^^Completely this.

It's just a passing comment which was intended to be lighthearted. Over the years, I've had INFINITELY more comments like this from women rather than men.

I would describe myself as a fierce feminist.

I also lost my wonderful dad due to lung cancer (anniversary of his death also approaching).

So I'm similar to you OP in terms of being sensitive to this subject. And yet, I can't see anything wrong at all with what he said.

Sometimes it's as if we've forgotten how to have innocuous human interactions. Not all comments from men are deeply rooted in misogyny. This isn't about being a handmaiden. It's about being pleasant to another human who was trying to friendly. A polite smile was all that was needed.

Your response was pretty OTT OP. Can't say that I understand where you're coming from at all on this occasion with the random man stuff....

I think his comment was quite funny. Sorry it touched a nerve

OP did say in her first post that the man leaned into her face.

Yabvu.

Spot on

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

I agree with him.

You did come across as stupid with your sheep like 'Random man in supermarket' reply.

Unless you're somehow trying to 'impress' Mumsnet to get all the 'You go girl' replies. I suppose it makes a change from the even more stupid "Did you mean to be so rude?" 🙄

Describing yourself to him as: “ a mum alone in the supermarket with your baby” was a bit, err, dramatic It wasn’t like it was midnight in the Bronx.

I've now reached the point where I'm sick of stupid pointless unfunny from men out and about so I have zero qualms about telling them to bore off.

Get out of it, he did not "get right in front of you and lean into your face"!

Of course he didn't but this is Mumsnet. I'm surprised the cashier didn't 'shout' and 'sneer' at her too, just for good measure.

Your response was OTT. Really not necessary.

No-one is at fault. It was a silly off the cuff joke by the man in question - obviously he didn't know your circumstances and you were just reacting emotionally. I wouldn't give it much more thought. I'm sure that he hasn't.

Nah, don’t think about it. This man shouldn’t have said anything. His comment was inane and unsolicited. It wasn’t a pleasant remark either. Next time he will hopefully think twice before opening his mouth when not asked to,

He shouldn’t have made such a ridiculous comment.

You shouldn’t have responded with such a ridiculous over-reaction.

You were both being unreasonable.

And the random man response makes me cringe.

It’s such a MN thing it’s soooo cringe🤦‍♀️

Describing yourself to him as: “ a mum alone in the supermarket with your baby” was a bit, err, dramatic It wasn’t like it was midnight in the Bronx.

😂😂