About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

The point is that the random man should have kept his fucking ridiculous joke to himself in the first place and then there wouldn't have been an issue.

Why should he? Because you say so?

Meanwhile humans everywhere around the world will continue to strike up random conversations and make random jokes.

And as you should probably know, humour is subjective.

You sound like you could badly do with a break. You’ve got a lot going on. Emotional exhaustion is a thing. Hope you’re ok.

Sorry for your loss OP x

And if it was a 5ft woman who made the comment what should the OP have done. I have young children and I'd say at least 80% of the random comments come from women.

I'm a 5' woman in my 60s. I am not lonely or deprived of human interaction. I love babies (well children in general. I often smile and make a comment about babies in supermarkets on the lines of how adorable they are. Now I'm wondering if I'm being intrusive by randomly talking to a stranger about their infant.

I do understand why that particular comment was one you felt understandably sensitive about, but the man couldn't have possibly known why. It is a bit of an odd remark but I think your reaction was more extreme because of its nearness to a distressing anniversary. Sorry for your loss OP.

@JedEye you're not wrong, thank you.
I am embarrassed about the random man response, Obviously a sign of too much mumsnet.

You enjoy using the word ‘cuntish’ don’t you?

Do you think it’s amazingly clever and less offensive than calling someone a cunt?

Newsflash: nobody cares. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Many years ago, I was tootling about the park with my then 2-yr-old niece.

An older (70+) woman looked up, looked over at me, and said 'gosh, you're awfully young to have one of that age'.

a) She was my niece;
b) I was 27 at the time, which would theoretically be a perfectly reasonable age to be in possession of a toddler, and;
c) I have never looked so young that I've been ID'd in shops past the usual age or, as per the frequent MN trope, am constantly told that I look like a teenager when I'm in my 40s.

Maybe she was trying to be nice. Maybe she was an idiot. I smiled, nodded and got on with my day. That was it.

It continues to be a mildly amusing family anecdote, especially as my niece is now going to university in the autumn, but that's it.

Sometimes a throwaway remark is just a throwaway remark.

I feel this is being turned into a sexist issue when, in my experience anyhow, it isn't.

My husband had a shit ton of comments or jokes or questions made about/in relation to our kids when they were babies. And those comments came from women and men, old and young (shoot me now for not being inclusive - but you understand my point). So of course 'random man' could have said the same to a dad.

To be fair, he looked after ours, each for the first 12 months, when I went back to work as the higher earner at them being around 6 months old. So there was more opportunity I guess for him to experience that opposed to myself. But I used to love hearing his stories - of both the lovely and the condescending moments!

I think you made an emotional response out of something that was nothing - but it's completely understandable given your state of mind at the mo. That guy would have been nonethewiser though so he may well feel hurt or stupid himself now.

Hope you're feeling OK x

A bit of an odd comment but your response was OTT and rude. Surely you could have just smiled and moved on.

Urgh I am sick of men's 'jokes' to women. They all think they're comediens.

Whenever kids screech or run around and misbehave in public we're told to suck it up because "we live in a society and you can't control what happens in public blah blah you curmudgeon..."

But let any other member of the village make a passing remark about/to a parent or child and it's "ooh my boundaries have been invaded..."

Sorry for your losses OP, but he was just making a quip. He wasn't to know your backstory.

This.
I don't understand why so many have said OP overreacted.

Random Man came up, unasked "leaned into my face and said, “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette," It's such a puke comment anyway.

She quite rightly said she didn't like it and why - which she is entitled to do
And was called stupid and ridiculous.

Maybe I've missed this on the thread but it feels like there are more comments criticising the OP. If they thought his comment in the first place was harmless, Wasn't Random Man overreacting? He certainly called her stupid and ridiculous loud enough to draw the attention of other shoppers and embarrass OP.

As for posts saying that no one would ever talk to anyone again if people reacted like this....

I don't think anyone's going to be weeping if OP's rebuke makes that particular random man a bit more cautious about inflicting his witty conversation on any other complete strangers.

He said what he wanted to say, whether it was a "joke" or not, he still approached you, uninvited, and said it. The minute he opened his stupid mouth he deserved whatever reply he got from you, even if was to tell him to F off. You were entitled to say whatever you wanted to say back to him, he might think twice before approaching strangers and making weird comments in future. I had this many years ago, a man, a complete stranger, approached us in a park, bent down to my recently adopted toddler son, who was still settling in with us and must have looked a bit miserable, tapped him on the chest telling him he was a "grumpy chops and Father Christmas wouldn't come to him if he didn't smile". My very large, very protective dog, who was patiently sat at the side of me, replied to him on our behalf by launching himself at him and knocking him over.

I really don’t think what he said was bad at all, or that it was sexist. Just a bit of a bad joke. OP your response was a bit nuts.

@surreygirl1987 I’m sick of womens jokes to women. I’ve had more comments from women than men about my children. Infact, I don’t think I’ve ever had one from a man except one old man who commented that my son had the same name as him and said how beautiful he was.
Women, on the other hand, always have things to say.

She's quoting another poster. Calm down, dear...

YABU OP, I can see how a baby holding a banana puff like a cigarette could look funny. It's awful how you can't speak to people you don't know anymore. I particularly worry about socially isolated elderly people receiving abuse in these situations. Many of us in our 50's and over, were brought up to smile and speak to people we passed or encountered at the bus stop etc. That said, OP, I wouldn't waste another thought on this, you have enough to think about.

You are overreacting.

Wasn't the best thing to say but hey clearly there was no malice.

I think it looks more like a cigar.
😂

Pardon?

The random man is an idiot but just has not noticrd yet.

I think you handled the situation brilliantly OP.

Yabu what is the world coming to 🤯

Bless...

You enjoy using the word ‘cuntish’ don’t you?
Do you think it’s amazingly clever and less offensive than calling someone a cunt?
Newsflash: nobody cares.

Don't be silly now and pay attention to the thread. That way you'll discover my reply was in regard to the previous posters who were calling the man cuntish 🙄

There is no wonder people talk of the snowflake generation 🙈

Totally over-reaction on your part, OP.