About the random man who commented on my baby in the supermarket?

[Pbbananabagel]

so I honestly don’t know if I was a bit too touchy about this and should’ve just smiled and moved on-

Random man leaned into my face and said “he looks like he’s smoking a cigarette, look how he’s holding that crisp”

it completely rubbed me up the wrong way and I said “thanks for that random man in the supermarket, that’s exactly the kind of comment a mum on her own in the supermarket needs to hear.”

he responded “don’t be stupid it was only a joke’

to which I said “you don’t know what might be on someone’s mind when you make comments like that” and he tutted and said
”really it’s a joke, so ridiculous” and walked off.

I felt so uncomfortable, people were staring and I thought maybe that was a step too far and I should’ve just let it go.

I lost two parents to cancer and one of the anniversaries is in two days. Today is the anniversary of me getting the call out of the blue at work that said “it’s cancer and he’s dying so get down here (300 miles away)” when my dad had just felt unwell on holiday and gone to the walk-in. So maybe I’m too touchy.

So, thank AIBU or was this random man really in need of my response?

YABU for feeding a 14month old baby crisps.

I would have found the comment funny. Sorry for your loss though

If he’d interacted normally, you wouldn’t have reacted as you did.

His behaviour had direct cause and effect on your response.

@AbsoluteTruths … banana puffs meant for babies? Nah, I’m really not 😂

This. The thank you random man comment just makes you look a bit daft tbh.

This “thank you random man” is the new MN “did you mean to be so rude” which was the new “hard stare”

Not the pithy, witty put down that people think it is

He was clearly just making a joke, and you overreacted. However I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

This.

Ridiculous. It was a stupid joke and you made a big thing out if it.

I think he saw something that amused him and was just being friendly and silly. Your random man comment makes me cringe too. I actually think women are much more likely to comment on someone's child than men so it's not your typical random man interaction at all. I'm sorry for what you've been through but he wasn't to know.

You escalated that and your response was ridiculous. Yes, his joke was odd but that’s all it was. Men in the supermarket won’t know your life story. YABU

Only on MN is it viewed as an offence to talk to strangers in the supermarket. YABU.
And tbh so are all the posters who try to encourage this complete distrust of any human interaction in RL.

😂😂😂

You're aware of the range of available baby snacks, right?

I also think he was getting joy out of seeing a cute baby do something a bit funny and don’t see it as random man syndrome or mansplaining. However, it is likely true a man would be far more likely to make such a comment than a woman.

I’d say it’s extremely likely he was joking. That said, id be thinking to myself that’s a bit weird but I’d probably see the funny side, laugh and carry on going about my business.

But you have your own circumstances and you are having a hard day due to the anniversary and that’s why you reacted like that so honestly I wouldn’t worry too much. You’re probably unlikely to see him again.

Emotions run high near anniversaries so I can understand your reaction.

@AbsoluteTruths

I'm assuming OP was feeding her baby something like this, as opposed to a McCoys Flame Grilled Steak crisp 😁

He could just have easily had said "oh look he's trying to wear that crisp like a hat" or "he thinks it's a toy car"

He was just passing the time of day. You over reacted because of your personal circumstances but he wasn't to know that. In what way does his saying it make any difference at all to you or your baby?

You could argue he shouldn't have said anything at all, but I don't want to live in a world where strangers are afraid to make any attempt to have a friendly chat in the supermarket.

Things like this make me worry about my dad. He's 86 and would have said something like this as he loves to interact with people as he is lonely. Luckily most of the population don't see him as a sex starved anti feminist pervert - just an old man who has been brought up to chat to people. If anyone spoke to him like that he would probably have cried as he is suffering with his mental health.

Sorry for your losses OP but you were over the top.

To be fair, "Did you mean to be so rude?" is so patently ridiculous that it needed burying very, very deep.
But this RandomMan shite needs to join it, pronto.

Cringing a bit for both of those involved here, OP and Random Man.

I get how a passing comment can rub you the wrong way on a low day - been there myself, felt the rage.

And I also like the idea that people can (and should) be able to engage and connect with each other when out and about. On a good day, this can be really lovely and we can lift each other out of low moods and feelings of isolation.

I guess my point is, there will be times when people clash and it won't always go well.

One way to handle it is to try and look at the intention behind the comment (ie. oh, your baby looks cute doing that, let's share a moment together about this) rather than the (maybe clumsy) comment itself. That's often much easier said that done.

Don't lose any sleep over this one OP, we've all been there.

I'm not a fan of this 'random man' nonsense, either. It's really not quite the mic drop people seem to think it is. I also don't really understand the significance of the fact you were 'a mum on her own' - it was harder a threatening or intimidating comment, was it? Just a bit witless.

Someone jokingly said your baby was holding his crisp like a cigarette and you link that to your family member dying of cancer and are traumatised? Really? I think the man in the supermarket is far more reasonable than you are!

God, it's the kind of thing I might say if I was queuing behind a cute baby eating crisps. Wonder if I'd get called Random Woman?

@Pieceofpurplesky this guy will definitely not go home crying, he got right in front of me and leaned down into my face so plenty of confidence there. Normally I love chatting to people in the supermarket that’s why I needed a reality check. IWDBU here.