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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at this

158 replies

Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:31

So I have been away for a few days, I work part time 3 days a week and it is the first time I have left the kids with DH. He called me this morning and said we needed a chat later as he cannot understand what I do on my days off and why I find it so hard?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2022 09:33

It’s worth a chat. What does he think you should be doing and aren’t? He sounds quite accusatory.

FiveDollarMilkshake · 22/08/2022 09:35

Jeeze who does he think he is? Your line manager? Tell him to jog on.

Leafy3 · 22/08/2022 09:36

FiveDollarMilkshake · 22/08/2022 09:35

Jeeze who does he think he is? Your line manager? Tell him to jog on.

This.

Hidingawaytoday · 22/08/2022 09:37

It's worth a chat - but I'm willing to bet that your days off aren't solely looking after the kids but cleaning/shopping/cooking etc etc so it will be interesting to know exactly what he's done these last few days...

mattressspring · 22/08/2022 09:39

Context?

Do you do everything or do you struggle?

Original poster
Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:40

I find the mornings quite stressful getting the kids ready for nursery/summer club, he says he doesn’t understand as they even lounged around for a bit.

OP posts:
Doremisofarsogood · 22/08/2022 09:40

I'd bet he's done no housework meal prep shopping etc and has left the kids with unlimited screen time!

Original poster
Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:41

Like when he comes home from work at 7pm I am absolutely shattered! I do find it difficult with 2 young kids.

OP posts:
thelittleapple · 22/08/2022 09:42

What does he mean he doesn’t understand what you do? What does he think you do?

fufflecake · 22/08/2022 09:43

Not sure why he felt he had to ring you he's not your line manager! Maybe ask what he actually did if he found it so easy?! I'd expect him to have done some of the housework if it was that easy...bet he hasnt

Tothemoonandbackx · 22/08/2022 09:43

Why did he ring in the morning to say you needed to chat later, why could he have just waited till kater in the evening, or tell you there and then??? Hate shit like this, because then you're left wondering for the rest of the day what hes got to say, I'd call it emotional abuse. Not having a go at you OP, just really pissed off on your behalf. I'd be writing a list of everything I do and as he's going along, tick off what he's done and see what he's left with.

mattressspring · 22/08/2022 09:44

Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:40

I find the mornings quite stressful getting the kids ready for nursery/summer club, he says he doesn’t understand as they even lounged around for a bit.

So is his 'chat' coming from a good place - 'how can we make this easier for you?' or is he being critical and keen to put you down?

Tothemoonandbackx · 22/08/2022 09:44

*Sorry for the typos

Original poster
Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:45

Well I feel like shit now so yeah

OP posts:
Original poster
Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:46

My kids seem to be harder for me to be honest. They are great for everybody else!

OP posts:
CommaDonna · 22/08/2022 09:47

Well has he simply taken the kids to nursery and then sat and watched TV all day? Or has he cleaned the house, done the shopping, washed their clothes etc etc?

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/08/2022 09:47

As if a couple of day is the same as doing it regularly. Just wait till some tiny terrorist decides they are not wearing any clothes unless they are on backwards and is then sick in his work bag.

thelittleapple · 22/08/2022 09:47

He’s going need to accept that two different people might achieve different things in a day. He doesn’t employ you, you’re his wife.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 22/08/2022 09:48

Oh God, please record the chat so that you can reflect on it. I bet he's not done a fraction of what you do day to day.

And if you genuinely struggle I hope he's going to offer to help no just be critical.

Cornettoninja · 22/08/2022 09:48

Are you away now? Is this his first morning?

Tinkerblonde1 · 22/08/2022 09:49

Tothemoonandbackx · 22/08/2022 09:43

Why did he ring in the morning to say you needed to chat later, why could he have just waited till kater in the evening, or tell you there and then??? Hate shit like this, because then you're left wondering for the rest of the day what hes got to say, I'd call it emotional abuse. Not having a go at you OP, just really pissed off on your behalf. I'd be writing a list of everything I do and as he's going along, tick off what he's done and see what he's left with.

Totally agree. What a cryptic ass.

Well sure it's all fine and dandy with the novelty of Dad doing the donkey work is happening. Once the rot sets in the bickering starts, the tiredness, the cold November mornings. The housework, shopping and life admin such as doc appointments. See if he finds it easy then.

Besides the point you don't find it easy so even if he does it's a moot point.
I love food shopping my oh is drained by it. What a judgy fool he is.

Cornettoninja · 22/08/2022 09:49

Also I bet you ‘prepped’ things for him. I.e made sure everything was fully stocked, clothes ready and easy to find, house cleaned etc.

Glazelightly · 22/08/2022 09:50

I remember being better behaved on the rare occasions our dad was looking after us. It was partly novel and we didn't know him well enough to know how to push it, with mum we were way more comfortable (and awful!)

I suggest as he finds it so easy he keeps doing it regularly, they'll be off 'best behaviour' soon enough and then he'll see.

MummaB22 · 22/08/2022 09:50

I would go absolutely mental at this! Who does he think he is your boss? Make sure you tell him that he cannot speak to you like that and he cannot tell you how tired you should or should not be!

Also tell him to give up his bloody full time job and look after the kids!

Bloody men!

GoneWithTheWine1 · 22/08/2022 09:51

Counter act it and sack him. Who does he think he is?! Your employer?! Confused