Page 2 | To be pissed off at this

Keolea · 2022-08-22T08:31:52+00:00

So I have been away for a few days, I work part time 3 days a week and it is the first time I have left the kids with DH. He called me this morning and said we needed a chat later as he cannot understand what I do on my days off and why I find it so hard?

10HailMarys · 22/08/2022 09:52

I think in that case I'd be saying 'Great! Glad you found it easy. I won't bother coming home for another fortnight, then.'

Designerenvy · 22/08/2022 09:52

He sounds arrogant and like a total as**e! Sorry now but he did one morning and found it ok ….. whoppie for him !!! How dare he question you like that !!! He is not your boss and probably has no idea what else you have to do in a day.
And maybe he found it easy for one day but get him to do it every day and see how he finds it!
sounds like he resents your time away and your days off…. He sounds bitter to me!

Maybe suggest he goes part time and see how he feels about that !

I’d be totally pissed off if I were you !

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 22/08/2022 09:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 22/08/2022 09:55

Make sure you let him know how much you charge per hour if he's going to speak to you like an employee. For what it's worth, 2yo DD used to be much better behaved for DP than she was for me, so when I say I've had a stressful day with her and the baby, he didn't get it because she was bloody angel when i'm not there, the tables have turned now though haha

fatgirlslimmer · 22/08/2022 10:02

Firstly it's often easier to do things on occasion for a few days than it is day after day on repeat.
Why did he call you with that message, was it said in jest during a conversation or a pointed remark?
I would be waiting to see if ALL he has done is look after the kids and then be having a conversation with him about everything else that you do with the kids and in the home.
If he has managed to do everything and look after the kids and had time to lounge around maybe he's just more organised than you. He shouldn't berate you for it though.
Do you feel you struggle and need help or do you try to do too much? If so he should be supporting you not criticising you.

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 10:05

What the actual hell?!

OP, there’s no way this is an otherwise healthy and respectful relationship. This man is an arse.

babynoname22 · 22/08/2022 10:13

Out of interest has anything else been done?

My DH is generally very good with DC but when he is 'looking after' DC nothing else gets done. No washing. No cleaning. No pots washed. Bare minimum on food made. No food shop. No packing unpacking nursery stuff. No list writing. No life admin. Just keeping the tiny humans alive.

It's quite different

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 22/08/2022 10:16

My DH would get a nice juicy fuck off after inviting me for a “chat later”🙄 Is he going to do your performance review?

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/08/2022 10:18

Doremisofarsogood · 22/08/2022 09:40

I'd bet he's done no housework meal prep shopping etc and has left the kids with unlimited screen time!

Yeah I bet this too! My DH is similar, when DS1 was a baby we both dropped a day at work. His day was a fun daddy day of going out and doing stuff. Mine was doing the shopping, laundry and housework in between his swimming lesson and maybe going to the park. He couldn't understand why I was so knackered after it!!

Topgub · 22/08/2022 10:19

Why is this the first time he's looked after his kids alone?

Would I fuck be allowing dh to think he could talk to me like he was my boss.

Fuck that

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 10:19

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/08/2022 10:18

Yeah I bet this too! My DH is similar, when DS1 was a baby we both dropped a day at work. His day was a fun daddy day of going out and doing stuff. Mine was doing the shopping, laundry and housework in between his swimming lesson and maybe going to the park. He couldn't understand why I was so knackered after it!!

Show quote history

Did you tell him?

Original poster

Keolea · 22/08/2022 10:20

I do feel the DC are more hard work around me. My DS is very clingy and literally won’t let me leave the room sometimes. He doesn’t seem to be that way with DH.

OP posts:

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 10:20

babynoname22 · 22/08/2022 10:13

Out of interest has anything else been done?

My DH is generally very good with DC but when he is 'looking after' DC nothing else gets done. No washing. No cleaning. No pots washed. Bare minimum on food made. No food shop. No packing unpacking nursery stuff. No list writing. No life admin. Just keeping the tiny humans alive.

It's quite different

That sounds rather unfair. Have you spoken to him about it?

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 10:24

Keolea · 22/08/2022 10:20

I do feel the DC are more hard work around me. My DS is very clingy and literally won’t let me leave the room sometimes. He doesn’t seem to be that way with DH.

You seem to think you need to justify yourself to this man (and us). You do not. A few points to bring up when you have your performance review:

Why did he need to ring you and schedule it, as opposed to letting you enjoy your day and initiating any conversation when you got back, like a normal human being?
Why does he feel that he gets to evaluate your performance in this manner? Do you get to evaluate his?
Why does he take care of the kids so seldom that all this is a revelation?
Did he do all of the domestic labour and chores that you do every day? If not, then why not?

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/08/2022 10:28

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 10:19

Did you tell him?

Show quote history

Oh yes!!! He'd slipped back a bit at the start of my ML with DS #2, but he's realising it again now he's WFH and see's me doing housework during DS2's naps.

Time will tell when I go back work in Nov and we're back to 4 days each. We're in a much bigger house with more housework needed too!

djdkdkddkek · 22/08/2022 10:29

Oh I’d love that chat
if it’s so easy for him, he can do it every day?!

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 10:30

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/08/2022 10:28

Oh yes!!! He'd slipped back a bit at the start of my ML with DS #2, but he's realising it again now he's WFH and see's me doing housework during DS2's naps.

Time will tell when I go back work in Nov and we're back to 4 days each. We're in a much bigger house with more housework needed too!

Show quote history

Ah, good! I’m pleased things got sorted out. 😊

Longdistance · 22/08/2022 10:39

He’s pissed off you went away for the weekend. He’s not had to run around like you would do during the week. He’s sat on his arse at home this weekend and ‘chilled’ with the dc. Meaning they’ve watched movies, he’s given them the iPad and visited friends and family and palmed them off. I bet you’ve also made sure everything was in place before you left and he’s had it Easy streets.

DottyLittleRainbow · 22/08/2022 11:00

Because it’s been the novelty of a few days of daddy time.

If roles reversed and it was permanent I’m sure it would soon be a different story.

Doing something temporarily for a few days is not the same as day in day out for years.

coldgin · 22/08/2022 11:11

A lot of men seem to expect a knighthood for looking after their children and their home for a few days. Its a novelty for them, but completely different when it's a daily responsibility as well as juggling a job, whether part time or full. It's unrelenting and exhausting and I doubt many would cope long term with the domestic and professional workload us working mums have. Tell him to get lost. I hope you have enjoyed your well earned break.

Topgub · 22/08/2022 11:13

@coldgin

Its partly womems fault for allowing men to think its a novelty

2020nymph · 22/08/2022 11:24

babynoname22 · 22/08/2022 10:13

Out of interest has anything else been done?

My DH is generally very good with DC but when he is 'looking after' DC nothing else gets done. No washing. No cleaning. No pots washed. Bare minimum on food made. No food shop. No packing unpacking nursery stuff. No list writing. No life admin. Just keeping the tiny humans alive.

It's quite different

My DH is the same. I had a much needed lie in yesterday. The night before, as a family we talked about what need doing as before we went out. Ie a picnic. I had tidied up so as a family we needed to have a quick 10-15mins whizz round. Ie one person hoovers, one cleaning up after breakfast and wiping the surfaces. I overslept. Kids not dressed, picnic not made, house looks Taz has been through it! One of the children had wet the bed but he didn't think to wash the bedding.

We've had chats but nothing changes for long. Not helped by MIL's 50's standards!

doesthatmakesense · 22/08/2022 11:32

This is such a well-known phenomena that there are actual folk songs about it:

"There was an old man who lived in the woods... Thought he could do more work in a day than his wife could do in three"

Acheyknees · 22/08/2022 11:33

'So pleased you're enjoying looking after the kids and managing all the housework. I can't wait to come home to a clean house with all the washing, shopping, ironing and cleaning done! You're a star!'

Brefugee · 22/08/2022 11:35

you shouldn't have to but make a list in your head. Am guessing he didn't have to get them ready for school/nursery?

Or you could just say: sure, i'll just stop doing all that nothing and we'll come back in a month to discuss.

Sorry, OP. It's a pain in the bum when idiot partners pull this stunt.