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Original poster

To be pissed off at this

158 replies

Keolea · 22/08/2022 09:31

So I have been away for a few days, I work part time 3 days a week and it is the first time I have left the kids with DH. He called me this morning and said we needed a chat later as he cannot understand what I do on my days off and why I find it so hard?

OP posts:
Topgub · 22/08/2022 11:39

I wouldnt bother making a list or even justifying what you do.

If he actually has the cheek to question you just say, oh great. That's amazing you find it all so easy.

Means I won't have to bother any more.

And don't.

Let him do it all, he should have been doing an equal share from the start anyway.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 22/08/2022 11:55

Tell him to fuck right off - fucking accusatory fucking cunt.

curlymom · 22/08/2022 11:58

What a cheek. Tell him you’re busy

LookItsMeAgain · 22/08/2022 12:11

Acheyknees · 22/08/2022 11:33

'So pleased you're enjoying looking after the kids and managing all the housework. I can't wait to come home to a clean house with all the washing, shopping, ironing and cleaning done! You're a star!'

I'd love to know if he's done any of the stuff you normally do.

As for your child being clingy, you now know that they aren't clingy when Daddy is around so you need to nip that in the bud when you get home.

Please come back later on when you've had your 'chat' and let us know what didn't get done when you were away and what did.

Original poster
Keolea · 22/08/2022 12:14

He also said the phone call that we had this morning was ‘odd’ because I didn’t say morning to my daughter knowing she was in the car, I just called to make sure they was ok getting to nursery/summer club? I don’t know what I did wrong?

OP posts:
Topgub · 22/08/2022 12:17

@Keolea

You made him parent his children. Alone.

Unforgivable

He sounds like an absolute dickhead. Which negs the question as to why you're even with him.

FlowerArranger · 22/08/2022 12:22

Does he often make you feel like you've 'done something wrong'...??

brookstar · 22/08/2022 12:32

Why is he talking to you like he's your line manager?

Duettino · 22/08/2022 12:42

Fuck me, he did it once and it went to plan! Well done! Kids always play up for the main carer and are good as gold when the other steps up. It won't last.

Did all the jobs get done? DH let's DD go without brushing her teeth, I've found. We have a ten min argument about why it needs to be done.

Did you assist by laying stuff out before you left? I always do this - no wonder it's easier for them!

Topgub · 22/08/2022 12:44

@Duettino

But why?

Why do you do that?

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2022 12:45

Keolea · 22/08/2022 12:14

He also said the phone call that we had this morning was ‘odd’ because I didn’t say morning to my daughter knowing she was in the car, I just called to make sure they was ok getting to nursery/summer club? I don’t know what I did wrong?

Your husband is an arse.

Please don't let him lecture you/tell you off. He is not your boss

Almondsandraisins · 22/08/2022 12:54

Keolea · 22/08/2022 12:14

He also said the phone call that we had this morning was ‘odd’ because I didn’t say morning to my daughter knowing she was in the car, I just called to make sure they was ok getting to nursery/summer club? I don’t know what I did wrong?

Your husband is an arsehole who is annoyed that you put your needs (i.e. going away) above his needs (not having to parent) and is punishing you for it.

I would not facilitate this 'chat' to be honest. If he starts telling you how easy it is I would just breezily tell him 'Oh well as you are best to it lets play to our strengths as a couple and you can take over that role.'

Everyone can make a flexible working request nowadays after all and I know plenty of dads doing the morning drop off.

In all seriousness OP it would be better if you could arrange your life in such a way that you go back to work full time. Your DH clearly sees you as the paid nanny/housekeeper etc and is treating you as such. This does not bode well for a long successful marriage.

thefizz · 22/08/2022 12:58

How are things between you and DH generally? Does he put you down often or is he just an unthinking arrogant prick full stop.

FlamingoQueen · 22/08/2022 13:00

My dh once had the dc on his own for a weekend. He was chilled and relaxed, said it was easy. It probably was easy, because I’d done the housework and washing before I’d left, meals were planned and the ingredients in the fridge. Kids do behave more when it’s the ‘other’ parent in charge because it’s a novelty. DH was also not frustrated with me because it was the first time in 8 years I’d left the dc overnight - it’s different when I have to be home with the kids when he does what he wants, whenever he wants to.
Do not let your DH lecture you - I would pre warn him that he may end up in hospital if this conversation continues! Only joking of course

SummerLobelia · 22/08/2022 13:03

I wonder if he is doing quite literally the bare neccessity and thinks that this is all it is. Forgets the daily grind of doing things properly and keeping on top of things.

First time I went away for work when DS1 was about 13 months old DH said something similar. I pointed out that he had not actually bathed the child for a week and questioned him if anything else had been done like face washing, clean bedclothes pyjamas etc. I already knew that DS's childminder had called me one day to check she could give DS crumpets and sausages for lunch because there had been no packed lunch and that he had arrived in his pyjamas twice.

To hos credit DH looked shamefaced and had to admit that none of it had occurred to himHmm

Anyway OP i'd be going batshit at your DH and would probably say 'right, you do the bulk of it then' and walk away; He's a fucking ignorant arse.

SnoozyLucy7 · 22/08/2022 13:06

Micro-manager mentality.

Inertia · 22/08/2022 13:06

The reason he’s mentioned it now is because he wants to spoil your day.

I would be prepared with a list of any and all jobs you work through on your days off, including the most trivial and things you don’t necessarily do every day, and check whether he’s done them all.

I suspect he’s got the children fed and dressed, and that’s it.

Walkingtheplank · 22/08/2022 13:06

Acheyknees · 22/08/2022 11:33

'So pleased you're enjoying looking after the kids and managing all the housework. I can't wait to come home to a clean house with all the washing, shopping, ironing and cleaning done! You're a star!'

Please send him this.

Hopefully he's also been taking on all the mental loss, and preparing for the start of term.

I'd be interested to know if you prepared anything for your absence e.g. cooked in advance, finished of the laundry, prepared anything for nursery/school etc.

Maray1967 · 22/08/2022 13:07

He is punishing you and dressing it up as informing you on how you can improve. He is mansplaining big style. You have two choices here.

  1. Don’t let him see how much it has got to you. When he starts on needing to have a talk, laugh and say ‘ oh I’m sure you’ll see what I mean when you’ve been doing it for weeks!’
  2. Give him an absolute bollocking. He has done it for a few hours and has no clue what it is like to do it regularly. And he is not your line manager. You need a strong voice and a hard face - you must not get tearful. He actually needs to be well and truly put in his place. Personally I’d like to think I’d have the self control to do (1) but I know if this happened to me it would end up being (2).
Topgub · 22/08/2022 13:07

How on earth can someone not know that a child needs to be dressed and fed?

why are women enabling this shit?

Oh, my oh once looked after his own kids alone but only after I'd literally prepped everything else.

Ffs.

treespeas · 22/08/2022 13:11

Since he finds it this easy - great. You can swap places from now on!

almostfamousme · 22/08/2022 13:13

Wait and see what state the house is in when you get home. In the unlikely event that he's done the housework, washing, shopping, life admin, cleaned their teeth, made their packed lunches, dressed them properly, cooked them healthy dinners etc like you would have done, suggest that he goes part time and does it more often, as he finds it so much easier than you do. If, as I suspect, he's done literally nothing but look after the kids, do the same yourself and see how much he likes it when he has no clean clothes for work, no dinner, the house is a mess and the bills aren't paid.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 22/08/2022 13:19

almostfamousme · 22/08/2022 13:13

Wait and see what state the house is in when you get home. In the unlikely event that he's done the housework, washing, shopping, life admin, cleaned their teeth, made their packed lunches, dressed them properly, cooked them healthy dinners etc like you would have done, suggest that he goes part time and does it more often, as he finds it so much easier than you do. If, as I suspect, he's done literally nothing but look after the kids, do the same yourself and see how much he likes it when he has no clean clothes for work, no dinner, the house is a mess and the bills aren't paid.

Exactly this. Wait and see what else he's done when you get home. If he's managed EVERYTHING then suggest you swap roles as clearly it would work better for you as a family

Duettino · 22/08/2022 13:23

@Topgub because I'm a dick obviously! Or live with one. Probably both!

If I didn't, I'd get a call asking me where something was, like I'd be able to help in another town!

Cherchezlaspice · 22/08/2022 13:33

Duettino · 22/08/2022 13:23

@Topgub because I'm a dick obviously! Or live with one. Probably both!

If I didn't, I'd get a call asking me where something was, like I'd be able to help in another town!

And what do you think would happen if you told him to figure it out for himself?