Page 6 | To be pissed off at this

Keolea · 2022-08-22T08:31:52+00:00

So I have been away for a few days, I work part time 3 days a week and it is the first time I have left the kids with DH. He called me this morning and said we needed a chat later as he cannot understand what I do on my days off and why I find it so hard?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 22/08/2022 16:11

This would be funny if it wasn't so infuriating. What a cheeky f**ker!

This is so typical of (many) men. DH does hardly anything in the household really, but when I go out for some 7-8 hours without him (this happens maybe once every 6 weeks,) and he is left on his own, he does the washing up, re-arranges the tins in the kitchen cupboards, puts the towels in a neat pile in the hall cupboard, and runs the hoover around the hall and lounge/diner.. To him, he has blitzed the house and can't understand what women moan about.

He has NEVER:

. cleaned the loo
. cleaned the bathroom floor or tiles
. cleaned the bathroom sink or de-limescaled the taps
. washed out the shower tray and soap dish
. done the washing
. done the ironing
. washed and ironed the curtains or bed linen.
. dusted and polished the lounge/diner, OR the bedrooms
. cleaned or hoovered behind the sofa or armchairs.
. cleaned the window ledges.
. hoovered the couch and armchairs
. cleaned and polished the dining table, and dusted the dining chairs
. polished anything
. cleaned the kitchen floor
. cleaned the oven out
. cleaned the fridge
. cleaned the hob
. cleaned the kitchen sink and dish drainer.
. cleaned the microwave oven
. defrosted the freezer (and cleaned it out.)
. washed the doors and skirting boards down.
. cleaned out the cat bowls or bowl in the sink
. done the food shopping.
. gone out with DD to buy clothes/stuff for school/anything she needed.
. scrubbed the shower curtain (gets clogged with limescale about 5-6 weeks
after being put up)

And that's on top of the fact he never does any household admin - sorting the meds/putting prescriptions in, arranging appointments for GP, hospital, optician, dentist etc, banking, paying utility bills, dealing with tax office, passports, driving licences, paying insurances, arranging for builders and maintenance people etc etc... ALL done by me, in the 30-ish years we have been together. I have also always done the weeding and planting of bulbs and flowers in the garden.

I do 90% of everything in the household, and yet he still thought it was OK (in the past,) to wonder what I was doing on my 1.5 weekdays off when DC was a kid. So much so, that he volunteered me (when DC was primary age,) to run around after a neighbour of ours who we had at the time - who worked full time and was struggling to do her weeding and digging and lawnmowing. He told her - TOLD HER - that I only work 'part time' and would have no problem helping her with her gardening chores.

I went fucking batshit, and immediately went round to tell her that he had no right volunteering me like this and I would not have time to do it. She laughed and said 'I never expected it anyway, and was waiting to tell you I wouldn't want you doing it' when your husband said it.

Men are such plonkers sometimes! How and WHY do we suffer them?!

rickandmorts · 22/08/2022 16:13

FlamingoQueen · 22/08/2022 13:00

My dh once had the dc on his own for a weekend. He was chilled and relaxed, said it was easy. It probably was easy, because I’d done the housework and washing before I’d left, meals were planned and the ingredients in the fridge. Kids do behave more when it’s the ‘other’ parent in charge because it’s a novelty. DH was also not frustrated with me because it was the first time in 8 years I’d left the dc overnight - it’s different when I have to be home with the kids when he does what he wants, whenever he wants to.
Do not let your DH lecture you - I would pre warn him that he may end up in hospital if this conversation continues! Only joking of course

Why did you do all that?

My friend does the same when she goes away, makes sure there's meals prepped and ready and all the housework done when she goes away and leaves her partner in charge of the kids. He doesn't do the same when he goes away so I can't understand why she does? I would hate to infantalise my DP like that, he's a grown man who can cook for himself and do the washing. Why would I give myself more work before I go away!?

pinheadlarry · 22/08/2022 16:35

He wouldn't be so smug if you make him do it for a month ..
I've seen alot of men "look after kids" and they find it so easy because they cut corners mostly, it might work for a few days but if they were doing that for a year it would negatively effect the kids
For example , dad finds bed time easy because he skips bathtime and brushing teeth, puts kids in bed and turns off the light.. yh so easy

my ex tried to show me how "easy" it was to cook dinner and clean up before kids went to bed, not only did he mess up the whole kitchen cooking, but he had me watching our daughter whilst he fannied around in the kitchen for ages
And I said " if I wasn't watching dd, what would you do then, you couldn't fart around in the kitchen and leave her to her own devices.."

Confirmed when I went to a doctors appointment and i come back to him dozing off for a nap whilst my dd was trashing the living room , pfft so "easssy"

MsRosley · 22/08/2022 16:37

Jesus H Christ, does your DH not know that kids will always behave better with people who aren't usually in the caregiver role? Don't you know that, OP? I would simply text your DH back and point out that they are clearly behaving better with him because they are unfamiliar with having him as a carer.

MsRosley · 22/08/2022 16:40

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 22/08/2022 16:11

This would be funny if it wasn't so infuriating. What a cheeky f**ker!

This is so typical of (many) men. DH does hardly anything in the household really, but when I go out for some 7-8 hours without him (this happens maybe once every 6 weeks,) and he is left on his own, he does the washing up, re-arranges the tins in the kitchen cupboards, puts the towels in a neat pile in the hall cupboard, and runs the hoover around the hall and lounge/diner.. To him, he has blitzed the house and can't understand what women moan about.

He has NEVER:

. cleaned the loo
. cleaned the bathroom floor or tiles
. cleaned the bathroom sink or de-limescaled the taps
. washed out the shower tray and soap dish
. done the washing
. done the ironing
. washed and ironed the curtains or bed linen.
. dusted and polished the lounge/diner, OR the bedrooms
. cleaned or hoovered behind the sofa or armchairs.
. cleaned the window ledges.
. hoovered the couch and armchairs
. cleaned and polished the dining table, and dusted the dining chairs
. polished anything
. cleaned the kitchen floor
. cleaned the oven out
. cleaned the fridge
. cleaned the hob
. cleaned the kitchen sink and dish drainer.
. cleaned the microwave oven
. defrosted the freezer (and cleaned it out.)
. washed the doors and skirting boards down.
. cleaned out the cat bowls or bowl in the sink
. done the food shopping.
. gone out with DD to buy clothes/stuff for school/anything she needed.
. scrubbed the shower curtain (gets clogged with limescale about 5-6 weeks
after being put up)

And that's on top of the fact he never does any household admin - sorting the meds/putting prescriptions in, arranging appointments for GP, hospital, optician, dentist etc, banking, paying utility bills, dealing with tax office, passports, driving licences, paying insurances, arranging for builders and maintenance people etc etc... ALL done by me, in the 30-ish years we have been together. I have also always done the weeding and planting of bulbs and flowers in the garden.

I do 90% of everything in the household, and yet he still thought it was OK (in the past,) to wonder what I was doing on my 1.5 weekdays off when DC was a kid. So much so, that he volunteered me (when DC was primary age,) to run around after a neighbour of ours who we had at the time - who worked full time and was struggling to do her weeding and digging and lawnmowing. He told her - TOLD HER - that I only work 'part time' and would have no problem helping her with her gardening chores.

I went fucking batshit, and immediately went round to tell her that he had no right volunteering me like this and I would not have time to do it. She laughed and said 'I never expected it anyway, and was waiting to tell you I wouldn't want you doing it' when your husband said it.

Men are such plonkers sometimes! How and WHY do we suffer them?!

Oestrogen and oxytocin. When all those fuzzy female hormones dwindle post menopause, your ability to suffer them gladly goes with it.

LoveMeForARaisin · 22/08/2022 20:52

SummerLobelia · 22/08/2022 13:03

I wonder if he is doing quite literally the bare neccessity and thinks that this is all it is. Forgets the daily grind of doing things properly and keeping on top of things.

First time I went away for work when DS1 was about 13 months old DH said something similar. I pointed out that he had not actually bathed the child for a week and questioned him if anything else had been done like face washing, clean bedclothes pyjamas etc. I already knew that DS's childminder had called me one day to check she could give DS crumpets and sausages for lunch because there had been no packed lunch and that he had arrived in his pyjamas twice.

To hos credit DH looked shamefaced and had to admit that none of it had occurred to him

Anyway OP i'd be going batshit at your DH and would probably say 'right, you do the bulk of it then' and walk away; He's a fucking ignorant arse.

What the fuck have I just read?! He didn’t dress the child?! And you are still with this lazy imbecile?!

LoveMeForARaisin · 22/08/2022 20:56

Honestly I have a new appreciation of my husband. He can function like an adult. Who knew that was such a rare quality.

brookstar · 22/08/2022 20:58

How can a grown man not realise you have to dress a child? Does he go work in his pyjamas? Forget to eat?

Madness!

TowerRavenSeven · 22/08/2022 21:01

I am enraged on your behalf! I’m sure he watched the kids and nothing else!
I was complaining about cooking to one of dh’s friends that said, oh I like cooking. I had to bite my tongue not to say, yeah and I’m sure you do all the planning, shopping, cooking And cleaning up too idiot. I could have throttled him!

diddl · 22/08/2022 21:03

Bloody hell!

When I went away unexpectedly for 2wks with a couple of days notice I came back to more ironing than I would have liked & was pissed off about that.

The kitchen was cleaner/tidier than when I left though!

LoveMeForARaisin · 22/08/2022 21:03

brookstar · 22/08/2022 20:58

How can a grown man not realise you have to dress a child? Does he go work in his pyjamas? Forget to eat?

Madness!

It’s not madness. It’s complete and utter indifference.

PinkButtercups · 22/08/2022 21:09

Jeez! I don't think my DP would even dare.

Your DP is a fucking arse wipe.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 23/08/2022 00:31

Keolea · 22/08/2022 13:47

So I got home, house is tidy but not been wiped down etc. big pile of washing on the top of the stairs and the washer hasn’t been put on once.

So what happened? And what's going to change?

SummerLobelia · 23/08/2022 07:09

Everyone can stand down with their horror. (Although trust me I understand and he got the biggest fucking bollocking of his life). It was a massive wakeup call for DH and he has pulled his weight and then some since then. 12 years later and counting.

Meraas · 23/08/2022 07:59

Call him and tell him you need a chat later on as you can’t understand what he has been doing all day, as no washing done or surfaces wiped down.

Meraas · 23/08/2022 08:00

SummerLobelia · 23/08/2022 07:09

Everyone can stand down with their horror. (Although trust me I understand and he got the biggest fucking bollocking of his life). It was a massive wakeup call for DH and he has pulled his weight and then some since then. 12 years later and counting.

One poster is hardly ‘everyone’.

Floweryflora · 23/08/2022 08:27

Actually I’m a little unsure here.I do find it odd you’d not say good morning to your daughter, I can’t perceive not doing that.

folks are acting like putting a load on and wiping surfaces are equivalent to a day down the mines, and I think you need to be careful in taking that rhetoric and running with it. It’s less than. 30 mins work Inc unloading folding and putting away.

I think the two of you need to talk, there is clearly issues both sides and two unhappy people.

Original poster

Keolea · 23/08/2022 08:41

I had my reasons, the phone was on through the car and I didn’t want to shout and wake everybody up, nothing odd about it.

OP posts:

Topgub · 23/08/2022 08:42

@Keolea

Did you tell your oh to fuck off?

Cherchezlaspice · 23/08/2022 09:02

Keolea · 23/08/2022 08:41

I had my reasons, the phone was on through the car and I didn’t want to shout and wake everybody up, nothing odd about it.

Why are you justifying this? He’s a twat. I bloody hope you told him so.

Original poster

Keolea · 23/08/2022 09:05

He said it was really odd and I honestly don’t understand why? People we’re in bed and I had just woke up. How was I supposed to know my daughter could here me? Feel like he just wants to make me feel bad!

OP posts:

Cherchezlaspice · 23/08/2022 09:22

Why is that what you’ve chosen to focus on, though? His behaviour was unreasonable and unacceptable. If that wasn’t immediately apparent, you’ve dozens of comments here detailing how unreasonable and unacceptable it was. So, why are you fixating on him calling something ‘odd’, as opposed to examining his crappy behaviour as a whole and figuring out what you’re going to do about it?

What happened last night? I’m going to guess you didn’t stand up for yourself?

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 23/08/2022 09:40

Wow. Piling on mum guilt about your daughter, not actually doing all the stuff (washing) and relying on the novelty of dad to have an easy ride and basically accuse you of being lazy. Then calling you in for a chat?? What a prince among men! I jest of course, who the eff does he think he is?!

Someone didn't like looking after the house and the kids did he, and now has decided to give you as much grief as possible for it. Yes, he does want to make you feel bad OP, so you don't go off again and feel like you have to put in even more housework, so that you're pulling your weight in his lordship's eyes.

My DH wouldn't dare, and we only have the one!

Original poster

Keolea · 23/08/2022 09:42

I think because he keeps going on about it and I keep trying to work out wtf I did wrong!

OP posts:

Cherchezlaspice · 23/08/2022 09:52

Keolea · 23/08/2022 09:42

I think because he keeps going on about it and I keep trying to work out wtf I did wrong!

You didn’t do anything wrong. Dozens of people have told you. You seem determined to focus on his version of events. Why?

What happened last night? Did you stand up for yourself?