Crying over French attitude to my autistic son

[Luckyloubytwo]

We are in France at the moment and having a mostly wonderful time. DS 9 has asd but is usually fairly easy going, quiet, and you wouldn't notice he was different to other children.

However, yesterday and today he has had a huge meltdown in public. When this happens in the UK it is difficult but people generally are understanding and mimd their own business. However, here it seems to bring the whole town to a standstill. People will just stop in their tracks and stare. Today we were in a busy area and it seemed to bring everyone to a halt. We all got very upset back at the car and I just can't stop crying.

I am just feeling so upset at the attitude of the French people towards our son.

* Attitude of French people in the place we are staying, is what I think you meant

YABU by the way.

What does your DS do when he's having a meltdown? How do you deal with him when he is overwhelmed/overstimulated?

Do not let them get under your skin. Stare back at them or give them the middle finger.

Don't let them ruin your holidays

Virtual hug OP. I have HF autism and I had many public meltdowns as a kid and my Mum felt like you do. Try not to let it get to you. If you feel confident enough, just say. 'Il est autiste, le regard est grossier et inutile'

YANBU. This is a known and researched issue. www.theguardian.com/world/2018/feb/08/france-is-50-years-behind-the-state-scandal-of-french-autism-treatment

Try for a bit empathy, hey?

Yanbu op. Have a cry and cuppa, you've got this.

What has it got to do with you?

I've had the same in France with my son who has LF autism and SLD. I said il a autisme- some stared at me like I was a loon, (tbh probably because I was speaking in French) others gave that sympathetic look. Good luck x

What has this got to do with the price of bread?

Absolutely nowt. But it may give us an inkling of whether people were staring at the DS because he is autistic, or just mistakenly thinking that the OP was allowing a child to be naughty.

Wow. That's terrible.
Have a good cry OP, but just do your best to carry on. Ignorant fools are best ignored.

Parents of children with autism get stared at because idiots wrongly assume the child is being naughty. Whatever was happening starey twats will stare.

My friend had this several years ago when in France with asd dd. The staring made things a lot worse.

Theyve travelled all over the EU and now only travel to Spain as there people just carry on, or offer some support.

Op you will get ripped to shreds on here because according to most people on MN France, Germany, Scandinavia etc are utopias of amazingness, tolerance and class the UK can never hope to be as good as, so get your hard hat on. Fwiw I think it’s like anywhere, if you’re somewhere more rural or provincial I think anything ‘different’ to the norm draws stares and can be very difficult to occupy space in as a disabled or ND person. It’s so so hard but remember it DOES NOT matter what ANYONE thinks of you or your son or his behaviours. All that matters is your family. Their opinions are just that, opinions, they can’t physically change or affect anything. It’s so so hard but try and remember that nothing anyone thinks can affect you really - just focus on your lovely son and how you deal with things in the moment

Or say ....

"voulez vous me prendre en photo ?"

Yanbu. I'm sorry you have to endure this but I'm not surprised. A friend who walks with a limp had people staring so hard you'd have thought she actually has a 3rd leg.
Some places are less tolerant than others. Stare back if you can.

I'm lucky because I can speak French and German so I would always explain. In Holland/Germany/Austria it's never been an issue. My husband once had a French lady tell him 'to shut up your son' when he was stimming on a bus aged 10 to a light and sound toy (for toddler age).

The French stare at anything that is different. The U.K. is also ahead in recognising disabilities, autism etc. I’ve just spent a week in a wheelchair visiting towns in Italy, Croatia and France (cruise stops). Absolute nightmare, dog poo everywhere, pavements with no ramps, being stared at as though I’m not there etc. Im sorry OP it must be very hard.

I sympathise OP. My ds had a meltdown in a French ski resort. He was only 4 and was frightened by a particular aspect of the resort. It just took some time to calmly work it through and help him to understand. But the french resort host was spectacularly unempathetic.

I didn't cry though, I dealt with ds and stared down the crusty old french witch at the same time. 😀

I was told many many years ago, by the British Mum of a DS with Downs Syndrome, that they chose to leave France where they were permanent residents, due to level of ignorance and lack of ANY support or inclusion for their DS.

As per the link it seems that France remains behind the times.

Its them not you OP

People are going to think it anyway no matter what OP was doing, so why does it matter what she does?

Op how awful. Yes it’s a very rude and uneducated response and quite frankly says everything about them as people, and as such is nothing to do with you or your son.
Just ignore them and carry on with your strategies. I hope things improve for your son 💐

My friend recently went through something similar at Disney Paris with her son.

I wonder if the reaction is partly to do with language - as in, they could not understand what was happening or what the problem was because they don't understand your language, so they automatically stared to try to gauge the situation.

For what it's worth, a similar thing happened to me with DD in France. I was speaking to her in English and she was crying and trying to hit herself, so I was having to hold her to stop her hurting herself. And people were staring a bit because I guess they maybe thought I was mistreating her horribly, or that she was about to go on a rampage and start attacking people! I started to speak French and as soon as they could hear that I was saying things like, "try to take a breath - count to three" etc, they completely lost interest (or at least, they stopped staring). Not that I'm saying it makes it okay - just that it doesn't necessarily come from a negative place.

That's horrible.
Perhaps someone will kick you while you're down, so you can see what it feels like.
Just reinforces the OP's post, really, having looked at your username.