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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

644 replies

BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:19

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

OP posts:
Leafy3 · 22/08/2022 20:19

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 20:14

All these perfect parents who wouldn’t dare take there children into a shop . These are the kids that get an easy life at home so the parent gets an easy life. Jesus ! Push back once in a while

Nobody here has said they "wouldn't dare take their children into a shop".

But people are saying that a day full of adult activities plus screen time is bound to be boring for a 10yo. That doesn't mean his behaviour was appropriate, just that maybe the day could have been altered to suit everyone, not just OP.

The op has already said it want a full day of adult activities

Yerroblemom1923 · 22/08/2022 20:25

Not normal at all. If my four year old behaved like this he'd know he'd be on that naughty step the minute we got home! If he's going to behave like a toddler maybe you need to treat him like one and re-introduce the naughty step.
Maybe it was the "mysterious exercise" that sent him over the edge.....we'll never know, I guess.

SleeplessInEngland · 22/08/2022 20:28

Insane how many people on this thread are saying this is normal behaviour for a 10 YO.

cantbebothered101 · 22/08/2022 20:29

Bestcatmum · 22/08/2022 19:28

If that was my kid he'd be regretting the day he was born and there is no way any child his age should be allowed to lie on the floor like a toddler having a tantrum.
You need to stop being so soft and harden up. This child needs discipline and consequences for this behaviour ff's.

“Regretting the day he was born”. God help your DC if they do anything seriously wrong. I just can’t believe how mean people are about a child after one day of misbehaving. Of course Op will talk to him about it not being acceptable but get down off your high horses!

LarryUnderwood · 22/08/2022 20:31

YANBU OP. I've actually been realising myself that my kids, DS2 in particular, just can't deal with being bored. When I was their age I had to help my mum with the food shopping every week, in fact sometimes she took me to work with her if childcare fell through, and I would have to sit and draw/read/stare into space for 8 hours. I'm now trying to get my kids accustomed to doing all this boring crap while there's still time before they hit their teens!

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 20:39

Leafy3 · 22/08/2022 20:19

The op has already said it want a full day of adult activities

Show quote history

Of course it was!

OP's aerobics class while the kids were waiting around and playing on screens.
Lunch at M&S.
Shopping the sales.
Home.

None of that is geared towards a 10yo. Not that the whole day should be, by any means, but hell, I'd be bored if that was all I'd done all day. Young kids need stimulation and exercise - not to be stuck playing games on mums' phone before a trip to M&S.

If I had no choice but to take my kids to aerobics, I'd do something beforehand to tire them out. I know OP says that wasn't possible as her childcare fell through last minute, but if that was me, I would have skipped my class, tired the kids out with the park/football, done lunch and the shops, and then gone home and done a YouTube aerobics video while the kids chilled out (having been tired out).

Yes, kids have to learn to be bored to a certain extent, but nobody was a winner here. The kids were bored and OP ended up crying!

Jellicoe · 22/08/2022 20:46

OP sounds like you already allowed this behaviour when he was 5 so no surprise it carries on. Sorry to hear of your meltdown though. It is embarrassing.

Jellicoe · 22/08/2022 20:48

Kanaloa · 21/08/2022 16:32

And in my experience it’s not at all normal for a 10 year old. How many NT 10/11 year olds do you see lying on the floor at M&S whinging that they want to go home? Or crying in a cafe because they want to go home? Or sitting in their year 6 classroom crying and tantrumming because maths is boring? If it was ‘normal’ we’d see it often. It isn’t, so we don’t.

Agree

Weirdlynormal · 22/08/2022 20:50

Lock and block YouTube. That is one worm hole you DO NOT want a child going down. Utter madness - on there, and unfettered access. If something is off with his behaviour, do you know what he’s been viewing?

Jellicoe · 22/08/2022 20:50

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 21/08/2022 16:31

Is he moving up to secondary in Sept? Could it be anxiety?

What's the excuse when he moves out or to uni? Murder? My god. Call bad behaviour out not find excuses?

Intransigentcat · 22/08/2022 21:01

Interesting that a ten year old is already using pink as a pejorative and to tease his younger brother with. Not a healthy dynamic, I'd be stamping that out as well as limiting screen time. Kids need to learn to be bored so that they can find ways of amusing themselves and they also need to learn they aren't the centre of the universe.

SecretSunflower · 22/08/2022 21:06

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ScotsBluebell · 22/08/2022 21:18

Haven't read through all the replies, so somebody may already have suggested this. But kids between 10 and 11 do have occasional emotional melt-downs because of adult teeth coming through. Our normally sweet and well behaved son - all grown up now, and born before too much screen time was really a thing - threw a few major wobblies at that age. When I realised they were followed by teeth coming through I asked our dentist if this was possible. Oh yes, he said. It can definitely happen - and it sometimes makes them behave like toddlers!

Wombat27A · 22/08/2022 21:21

I'd be kicking off if I'd had to endure a day like that...

BR1967 · 22/08/2022 21:22

I had an experience similar to this with one of my sons. I immediately took him home and put him to bed. I told him his cranky behavior must be from being tired so early bedtime or nap was in order. Every venture out there after I asked him before we left if he was tired and needed a nap before we go out. The answer was no and behavior was angelic!

Kanaloa · 22/08/2022 21:54

ScotsBluebell · 22/08/2022 21:18

Haven't read through all the replies, so somebody may already have suggested this. But kids between 10 and 11 do have occasional emotional melt-downs because of adult teeth coming through. Our normally sweet and well behaved son - all grown up now, and born before too much screen time was really a thing - threw a few major wobblies at that age. When I realised they were followed by teeth coming through I asked our dentist if this was possible. Oh yes, he said. It can definitely happen - and it sometimes makes them behave like toddlers!

Am now imagining a child bawling lying on the floor in year 6 when he isn’t getting his way and the teacher smiling indulgently as she explains ‘aww he’s teething.’

Come on. How many weird excuses can people come up with? I do wonder why so many children seem so so immature when I meet them then I read the long list of excuses for an almost 11 year old boy tantrumming on the floor like a toddler and crying when he’s finished eating. That’s what a child of 10 months might do. Waahhh waahhh mummy I’m finished eating mummy if I’m finished everything should be finished WAHHHH. It’s utterly bizarre behaviour for a secondary school child, molars or no molars.

ParsleyPesto · 22/08/2022 22:10

It’s actually your post @Kanaloa that is deeply weird. You are sooo invested in demonising this child that it’s disturbing.

Read back on your post. Who the heck writes something like that? You come across as a playground bully.

Kanaloa · 22/08/2022 22:17

ParsleyPesto · 22/08/2022 22:10

It’s actually your post @Kanaloa that is deeply weird. You are sooo invested in demonising this child that it’s disturbing.

Read back on your post. Who the heck writes something like that? You come across as a playground bully.

I’m genuinely not demonising him. He’s misbehaved. All kids do! Except maybe some perfect child somewhere. It’s the posts insisting he couldn’t help it because he was bored/had to eat at a ‘boring’ cafe/teething and it’s perfectly normal for children of 10 & 11 to be rolling round the floor bawling that I’m making fun of. It’s ridiculous and nobody in real life would respond to a NT 10 year old throwing himself on the floor to tantrum because he had to walk round a shop with his mum with ‘aww was he teething? Maybe he needed a little run round?’ That’s what you’d say if it was a 1 year old.

YourWinter · 22/08/2022 22:21

YouTube is not for 10 year olds unless YOU are supervising and watching it with them. Don’t give him any access to it on his own!

Mumkins42 · 22/08/2022 23:59

If this were me, I would feel uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed myself so I absolutely get your feelings. I would be triggered inside too. This draws attention and makes us feel out of control; been there....

But now, I'd personally want to know what's behind the behaviour. I don't believe kids want to be these unpleasant manipulate demons that need swift sharp discipline or else they're doomed to a life on insolence and disrespect - as most replies on here suggest. If you're son is NT then I'd want to explore why he went to that extreme. I don't believe for one minute an NT kid at that age wants to make a show of himself in the shops for no good reason. And again, I agree with the poster that this isn't the worst thing in the world. Yes it's embarrassing and I'd not like it either - but he isn't exactly on the path to becoming a mass murderer. Just ask him, be kind, be calm, be caring, ask him what was up. Tell him you aren't happy about it and.you have issues with YouTube & go from there. You don't have to start punitively. Maybe he did just want YouTube badly enough - my gut says there's more to it.

ellyeth · 23/08/2022 00:05

I've noticed similar behaviour from my 10 year old gc and my feeling is he has far too much access to mobile phone, games, TV, You tube, etc, etc. When he wants something he wants it NOW and sulks or makes a scene if he has to wait. It is very worrying and, if it were me, I would take away all devices for a couple of days and then set fairly rigorous limits. It is a horrible situation that seems to be more and more common.

Tatws · 23/08/2022 07:36

I have had similar from DS 9 years old. I have turned of the WiFi on his gadgets before. It seems to work as he responds when I threaten the removal of his Internet access.

I limit screen time to 3 hours daily but difficult to police. A colleague made a comment "you may be breaching his human rights". What is the world coming to? My parents tolerated very little back in 80s and they grumble at the mention of their grandchildren watching YouTube.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/08/2022 08:25

Kanaloa · 22/08/2022 21:54

Am now imagining a child bawling lying on the floor in year 6 when he isn’t getting his way and the teacher smiling indulgently as she explains ‘aww he’s teething.’

Come on. How many weird excuses can people come up with? I do wonder why so many children seem so so immature when I meet them then I read the long list of excuses for an almost 11 year old boy tantrumming on the floor like a toddler and crying when he’s finished eating. That’s what a child of 10 months might do. Waahhh waahhh mummy I’m finished eating mummy if I’m finished everything should be finished WAHHHH. It’s utterly bizarre behaviour for a secondary school child, molars or no molars.

Show quote history

Totally agree

MsTSwift · 23/08/2022 08:49

We know an indulged child who tantrums to get her way. Adoring parents taught her that her every whim is the priority. Sadly her peers don’t agree she is becoming increasingly friendless in early secondary other kids really don’t appreciate the tantrums.

janex1 · 23/08/2022 09:22

Completely unacceptable behaviour. At that age children should see a meal out as a treat not torture. Essential that you set firm boundaries now. Will be hard in the short term but we'll worth it in the long-term

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