AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

Maybe the OP should have 3 dozen mates around 2 or 3 nights a week and party til 4am and smoke weed and scream and shout into the night and cheer and laugh and sing. After all, it's her garden and she's perfectly entitled to have a party in it if she so wishes.

@Suzi888

Just buy a timer that goes into the plug socket, then you plug the lights into that.

it'll start to cost her a fortune to have them
on all the time, it's bad for wildlife & bloody annoying for neighbours!!

Lights are awful for wildlife so for that alone you’re not unreasonable.

I’m not a fan of lights but I think YABU, it’s his garden to do what he wishes with, get some black out blinds.

My neighbour built a ‘gaming room/shed’ in their garden, it has some kind of loud sound system linked to the tv, I can hear them gaming into the early hours and it drives me nuts (the teenage son also likes to shriek whilst gaming) 😬. My other neighbour has a hot tub which is right under my DD’s window. Sadly we have just had to learn to put up with it, people are not very considerate especially in the summer.

I looked at your photograph

those are clearly not intrusive lights.

The odd ball does not compare to overly lit gardens that affect peoples sleep. Ps he could choose not to return them if he were that petty.

Imo the odd ball is much worse than a bit of dim lighting. You are ingrained in your own perspective and can't see that this level of light would not bother most people. And there is a solution to it, whereas there isn't for "the odd ball".

I can't see how those lights would affect your sleep with black out blinds and curtains. I was expecting Blackpool Illuminations and they're they equivalent of a few solar lights/ fairy lights.

Get blinds, problem sorted .

What a completely selfish person you are. He is entitled to have his lights and they look pretty. My garden is huge and I’ve put lights in it for my own pleasure. If you want complete darkness move to the countryside where you have no one around you at all. And that way your kids can’t terrorise people by booting balls over fences. That in itself is much worse. If they can get it over the fence it’s time they used a park or field.

Thank you for the posters who have been kind and polite, for those who have been at least civil, even if we disagree. This thread has turned into 'mad, light sensitive freak bullies elderly frail man whose only wish is to enjoy his garden'. That really is not the case. He may be ill but he enjoys plenty of company, drinking and dope smoking in his garden. He isn't even old (in his 60s at most). While I don't expect people to understand a situation that they are not in or does not affect them or even agree with it there has been no need for some of the nastiness in this thread. I may have a problem with light but it seems that some people have a problem being civil.

Honestly, some people on here... YANBU. I had an issue recently where my neighbour fitted a security light that was on permanently and shone directly into my bedroom window. It was like it was daylight outside. They disconnected it and were pretty reasonable really, once I'd spoken to them politely.
That's just how normal people behave.

I have motor operated thick cellular blackout blinds in my bedroom with heavy curtains to cover the edges. I originally planned to get ones set in channels, but it turns out the reviews on those don’t match the wonder that they appear to be in the movie The Holiday. Having them open and close at a press of a button is still wonderful though. I have light induced migraines so it’s important to get my bedroom really dark. This works perfectly and means I don’t end up just defaulting to keeping my room a tomb all the time. I saved up for awhile to afford them, but they were totally worthwhile.

He's perfectly entitled to have lights out there if he wants. You can't police what people have in their gardens. Do as others have suggested and get blinds and curtains, and practice with an eye mask.
But in reality, unless you live in the real back on beyond, then you're never going to get a pitch black night, especially as you have neighbours.

This is very much your issue - not his. YABU.

Now I would have a problem with the light outside WutheredOut home.

That light is tall, very bright and you can see it illuminating everything around it.

In your photo OP you can see that light itself and close by it is lit up but it’s much dimmer and everywhere else is pitch black.

I would just hide the thread now if I were you @2Jays It won't get any better. Some people just love to nip and bite and poke poke poke til they've driven you off the boards. Hope the nicer/more affable posters have given you some helpful advice. YANBU though. Not sure what you can do though apart from having a word with him or getting blackout curtains. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

@loislovesstewie

ni, it's not. It's completely the opposite! The OP is like the farmer & the neighbour is the new townie!

I think the point about being visible to emergency services/carers and general security if your neighbour is vulnerable (which he undoubtedly is) are more than valid. He may also have them as something he just likes which I would accommodate for someone stuck in their house 24/7.

The weed and alcohol are unnecessary to comment on unless you feel that somehow affects the situation? I’d bear in mind an awful lot of people use weed for pain and symptom relief which isn’t beyond the realms of imagination for someone who has undergone cancer treatments mmm and suffered strokes.

You have options to enable you to live alongside this that will also reduce the chances of any other problems that might crop up (how do you fare when there’s a full moon?). You’ve fixated on the problem at the expense of just getting on with a solution.

LOL what a ridiculous OTT post! Have a word with yourself!

Yes I think I have had enough criticism for one morning. Thanks for your post.

You are both YANBU and YABU imo.

I am the same about darkness and eye masks - have you tried the Drowsy One? Very little pressure and total blackout. www.drowsysleepco.com/products/eye-mask

However long/whatever reason you live where you do, if it’s around neighbours then you cannot expect everything to stay the same forever.

That said, who the f**k has their garden lit up all night? Fine, movement sensor lights, but that all night?? Awful for wildlife, energy, and pretty inconsiderate to neighbours. I suspect your photo just hasn’t captured it well.

I’d deffo pop an note through but don’t talk about light sensitivity issues or disabilities- just say bluntly “You’re lights being on all night is annoying.”

I'm of the opinion that that level of lighting isn't inherently unreasonable BUT I don't see what's to be lost by discussing it with him - it might turn out that he doesn't mind at all turning them off at 10pm and so there's a really easy compromise. You might also feel less aggrieved if you hear why he likes/wanted the lights. I do think, though, OP, that you need to try and change your mindset or at least hide it when talking to him - he's much more likely to refuse to budge on the lights if you go in with the attitude that he's done something really antisocial and unacceptable.

@CoreyTaylorsbiggestfan

Given it's his back garden, that's not very likely.

a light to help someone like you would be understandable & fine, but that's not what this is.

thank you for doing the job you do, it's so important! 😇

I can see both sides tbh OP.

I sympathise but I think all you can realistically do is ask for him to put them on a timer so they go off at 10pm. Ultimately he's entitled to have garden lights if he wants them.

I think much will depend on how you handle this. Clearly there's been tension between the two households already. And he's clearly very ill so is already under a lot of stress. Polite, calm and tactful is the way to go. Avoid confrontation.

It seems that those who wish to disrupt others peace with light, noise etc are entitled.

This is how all these threads go. Even posters who don’t like whatever it is often sadly agree you can’t and shouldn’t do anything. Not sure when we culturally shifted from thinking we need to consider other people to feeling entitled to do whatever we like and if anyone impacted doesn’t like it, the problem is with them. Compromise seems to be a lost art.

Anyone who thinks garden lights are harmless needs to Google light pollution.

but the photo in the OP doesn’t show anything like that. Bar some light leaking to the right that could possibly be repositioned the light is entirely focussed on the garden - even the tops of his own trees/bushes are dark.

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination , I meant in the sense that a situation changes, and they aren't able to adapt. So farmer doesn't harvest near them then starts to, sheep are placed too near etc. Things change even in the countryside!