AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

No you get over yourself. It’s his garden not hers. He can do what he wants.

😂Does that mean I get to make a right racket in my garden now. My garden - my rules!!!

😂Does that mean I get to make a right racket in my garden now. My garden - my rules!!!

No because what your neighbour has one is within the law. A night racket wouldn't be.

No because what he's doing is really mild, and this isn't.

*done

Is the picture you posted, what you took from your bedroom?

Oh fgs just buy a blackout blind, problem solved. What a load of fuss over nothing.

😂Does that mean I get to make a right racket in my garden now. My garden - my rules!!!

I feel for you, OP. I too live down a dark lane, and I like it that way. I can tolerate light for a short time (I use a mask) eg if DH is on his phone but I can never really sleep until it's switched off. I would also be concerned for the wildlife - we had a bat survey done in our lane and people were really surprised at the rare bats found hunting along the hedges. In your shoes I would try to talk to him (and listen to him!) and see if he will compromise with a timer. Mention the lights drawing attention to your properties from the park. Fairy lights are pretty but there's too much light pollution so I would only have them indoors.

Not even if you post 3 times. No.

I think yabu but feel your pain. We live in a rural area, just 2 houses nearby. Neighbours bought bungalow next door and tripled it's size and have illuminated the whole house with strip lighting along fascia boards. Its on all the time not just when they are in the garden and is very bright so it lights up our garden and kitchen too. I'm peed off tbh but accept they are within their rights to externally light up their house all night every night.
Good luck with conversation with neighbour I hope it goes well and you can reach a compromise.

Mumsnet not me. I'm generally a nice and reasonable person but this thread has shown me that he gets to disturb me and I need to suck it up but I need to keep my kids under control so they don't disturb him. I left this thread a while ago but it seems people like arguing for the sake of it.

No, you can make a reasonable and normal amount of living noise, because expecting absolute silence is no more reasonable than expecting pitch black. No one's saying that there's no limit on what you can do in your garden, you'd have got totally different answers if he'd put up a floodlight that shone directly at your house.

Not really.

OP moved somewhere with neighbours and is now complaining that they're using their gardens in a way she doesn't like.

If you're that intolerant of other people, you either need to live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours for miles around. Or, you need to accept that other people have the right to use their property however they like, and if you don't like it, all you can do is adapt your property to suit you.

Sorry but yabu.it's his garden,perhaps he enjoys watching the lights at night in his conservatory.
Leave him alone.

I'm generally a nice and reasonable person

Ok, great

but this thread has shown me that he gets to disturb me and I need to suck it up but I need to keep my kids under control so they don't disturb him

umm, is that really what it’s shown you? I’ve personally read a lot about how you can block light and that people can use their spaces how they like on the proviso you both do your best not to encroach on others space. If there are things you can do to achieve that without needing to ask each other - brilliant.

I left this thread a while ago but it seems people like arguing for the sake of it

doesn’t it just?

The lights are not directed at your house.
if this was a security light shining right in your windows, yes, that would be a disturbance.
having a few, low level solar lights in his own garden is not a disturbance.
it might mildly inconvenience you, but having a few small background lights is not anti-social

I'm generally a nice and reasonable person but this thread has shown me that he gets to disturb me and I need to suck it up but I need to keep my kids under control so they don't disturb him. I left this thread a while ago but it seems people like arguing for the sake of it.

You don't have to stop your kids from causing minor annoyance, just accept that those things are on a similar level and we do all have to accept a little bit of disturbance from our neighbours.

Those lights only seem like a bigger deal to you than what he has to put up with because of your specific sensitivities, but objectively they are not worse, and there ARE things you can do to solve the problem for yourself rather than expecting everyone else to live in total darkness and silence.

No you get over YOURself hun!

That poster said

"And that way your kids can’t terrorise people by booting balls over fences. That in itself is much worse."

Which is a laughably OTT reaction! The ball went over his fence once or twice in all the years the OP has been there. And that poster said her kids were terrorising this poor man. Anyone who thinks a ball tootling over his fence once or twice in a decade is 'terrorising him' needs to get a grip FFS.

Exactly! MY GARDEN MY RULES - and sod everyone else. That's the attitude from SOME on here. Thank fuck I'm not living next to them! So fucking entitled and inconsiderate!

I struggle with light in the morning, but that's sunlight. I don't think those lights are very bright at all in comparison, so I would think blacking out your room would make far more sense.

What I've done is I have:
Ordinary curtains with black out clip on lining. A blackout blind, and I have an old sheet that sits on the top of the blind and another couple that dangle down the sides. It's pretty much a full blackout.

You have a hidden disability and your neighbour has more obvious disabilities post stroke and with cancer.

Tbh I didn't think the light looks that bad. It's not like huge floodlight like @WutheredOut posted.

You've been lucky as you've had 9 years of black darkness. Change is always difficult.
But as a baseline I don't think anybody can expect complete darkness or silence as the norm if they live near others tbh. If you have that you're just lucky.

I doubt whether your NDN actually realises his lights are causing you disturbance since they're not floodlights and your disability is hidden.

So the only thing to do if you don't want to shell out on blackouts is to speak to him. It's a compromise situation not an all or nothing one.

He might be open to turning them off at a certain time at night.

That photo really isn't bad. YABU and bending over backwards to think of all the reasons why you can't make adjustments.