AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

I’ll ask again, how do you cope with the natural light of summer when the light comes in early and the sun sets late?

I go to bed at 10 and get up at 5.30-6 or when the sun wakes me. Artificial light is really bad for some people so I try to mediate it with good sleep hygiene. Blackout blinds are good until it is hot and the windows need to be open.

I see your frustration but YABU.

I presume your neighbour put them there for his enjoyment. You, frankly, are not part of the equation.

Morally, and ethically, I do think he should have more consideration. Legally, he's not doing anything wrong though and if you tell him he needs to change things about his garden you're just going to come across as a cheeky mare whichever way you phrase it.

Control what you can, let go of what you can't.

Your issues aren't any one else's to fix, except yours.

I know it's a me problem but we live in close proximity and it is polite to consider your neighbours if you make a change that affects them.

But - OP if your house is facing towards the back garden that’s not what you said in the OP.
I’ve never seen or heard of a house with windows only facing one way that wouldn’t be to the front.
You say it’s his front garden but it clearly is not.
And anyway, there are other lights.
Its because he complained about your children…?

Thank you that is useful to know.

I don't know what you are talking about. My house faces his back garden. His house is off to the right. All of my windows are at the front of my house looking on to his back garden. It is complicated to envision but that is the case.

I don't think those lights are little lights though @ChuckMater. If it was solar pathway or fairy lights fine, but looks like full blown light up the garden. However OP just as you have said this I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night. He may feel the exact opposite and could be leaving them on because he may be worried about intruders and lights like that would potentially put any off. (Either that or he forgets to turn them off). Perhaps ups could suggest he turns then into motion sensitive lights?

Hi @2Jays You have my sympathy, especially as I have light sensitivity, but luckily I can wear eye masks, and if I can afford it sometime, I will get black-out blinds.

However, my biggest worry for you is the second concern you raised. If the light now draws attention to your property when previously it was easy to overlook, and you say the rest of the area is dark, then I would have some concerns about your and your neighbours security now.

Does he live alone - sorry, I can't remember whether you said or not - then maybe he was worried that if he had to call an ambulance in the night - and he previously had no outside light - that they would have difficulty manoeuvring him between his house and the ambulance?

If so, could he get the sort of security light that is a motion sensor, but that either stays on until it is reset, or could be set to stay on for the first 10 minutes/half an hour/ hour, after it was activated? I do feel sorry for him if he does have this worry, and he might respond better to the security risk, and motion sensor lights, than knowing it annoys you?

As a sort of aside, I am a pensioner now, who seems to be coming down with more and more illnesses and conditions as I age (expected I know!). I think that as we get older we naturally and unfortunately become less tolerant in general. Hopefully most of us try to keep a lid on our grumpiness (but I must admit that I find shows like "Grumpy old men" and "Grumpy old women" much funnier than I used to do!) Anyway, on top of that I have now got a - still thankfully quite rare -"condition" and one of it's less well known symptoms is that it can actually change one's character, a bit like at least some Dementias. In fact, if you have this medical condition it is quite a lot more likely that you will go on to develop a dementia, particularly Lewy Body Dimentia. So I am having to fight not only my illnesses usual effects, but this extra 'making me grumpy, more sensitive and more disabled one too.

I just wondered if your neighbours illness is making him less tolerant as well - although even if that is the case there is no way that it means you should try and curtail any of your DC activities and fun, except in the normal way that you would to stop them excessively annoying anyone. Good luck OP, you sound nice, and hopefully a friendly chat with your neighbour (would he appreciate something like some home-made soup from you), centering on the security risk, rather than the disruption, might make him think again about his all night light? Otherwise it is probably back to the black-out blinds I'm afraid. 💐

You’re the one with the problem, so you should be the one to fix it. It looks like barely any light from the photo!

Double up with black out blinds and curtains and leave him alone. He’s clearly going through a lot at the minute, and the last thing he needs is you whining about some lights in the garden.

Plus, it’ll be winter soon enough. If they’re solar powered they likely won’t even come on in the evenings.

Yes, YABVU. They look lovely. I worked nights for 2 years. Blackout blinds and curtains are your friend, and if he starts mowing his garden at 3am, Asda do a lovely set of ear-buds that mould to your ear. Alcohol also helps.

YANBU and I can’t believe people are saying you are! Artificially lighting gardens is so bad for wildlife not to mention tacky.

Seems pretty entitled to tell a neighbour what he can or can't do in his own garden when it's perfectly legal especially with everything he has on his plate. He has a reason for installing the lights.

Either buy somewhere away from others or realistically make your bedroom light tight with blackout blinds

YABU nothing wrong with his lights

If your neighbour isn't responsive, get some blackout fabric or a blind. I am extremely light sensitive (even just to natural light from the sun) and I'm so grateful I found these products. I have a heavy duty blind on my bedroom window and have a more portable blind I can take to holiday cottages etc.

Honestly don't fret about things other people do, just be the positive change you need for yourself.

www.easyblindsonline.co.uk/blinds/blackout-blinds-and-kits

YABU.

This is definitely your personal issue. You’ll have to get the blinds or find a different eye mask that works for you or both. Imagine your neighbour asking you to take down turn off a lovely project you’ve just done, probably as a stress reliever after serious cancer treatment and a stroke. Just because she didn’t like it. Shocking. Please leave him alone to enjoy his own garden how he wishes and you enjoy your garden how you wish.

This*

people are just so bloody noisy now and think they are entitled to tell others what to do.
A few lights in the garden is not a problem… just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean you can ask him or tell him to do anything with them.

Blocblinds are brilliant. We’ve moved and I miss mine .

There's a huge difference between well fitted. Blackout blinds/curtains (especially if they have a covered track/pelmet) and heavy curtains.
I think its completely reasonable that your neighbour has the lighting and by the sounds of it he needs a bit of joy in life, if that's what does it for him then so be it. If darkness does it for you, do what you need to too. I think its reasonable the lights go off at say 10.30 and Im sure the energy costs will make this a beneficial proposal!
There's always the possibility when you move somewhere that you could get new neighbours who change the status quo anyway, so just as your existing neighbour has installed lights equally someone new could have moved in and done the same. Moving somewhere because it is dark doesn't mean it will stay that way, but you can keep your sleeping environment dark with good window treatments

I dislike those kind of garden lights for all the reasons you do, OP. If you don’t want to confront him, could you write a note asking him to consider dimming them a bit and switching off at an agreed time? It would make it much more bearable for you and better for the wildlife. I had a similar problem but my neighbours were quite unpleasant and I couldn’t resolve it but they finally moved out to my relief.

Maybe your neighbour can't sleep due to illness and likes to sit in his conservatory looking out on his lit up garden? Just get a good eye mask and some black out blinds.
If you got new neighbours, a few lights in the garden might be the least of your worries.

I don't think I am entitled. Just as he is welcome to his light am I not also welcome to darkness. It seems that those who wish to disrupt others peace with light, noise etc are entitled. My wanting to live in a darker environment is the natural state rather than the abnormal state of sticking bright lights everywhere. Look up the dark skies website and the impact it has on humans and wildlife. I'm not saying he can't have some fairylights in his garden but it is massively lit up and a huge contrast in the surrounding darkness.

He is allowed reasonable lighting (which this is) on his property (which is it) and it’s really not your business.

You sound very precious tbh.

If you were my neighbour, I would tell you exactly where to go if you complained about this.

You do also realise that no outdoor lighting is a proper security risk don’t you?

Sorry OP, YABVU.

Ah thank you just lucky we don't live next to each other isn't it.