AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

For all the people telling @2Jays they are being unreasonable and to get black out blinds, do you really have no consideration for the harmful effect artificial night lighting is having on our wildlife? It’s iincomparable to throwing a ball over a fence.

Honestly what is it with the entitlement of some people, “I want it so I’ll have it” with no care about the impact on others. We seem to have to tamper with and ruin everything natural, even bloody darkness at night is not sacred. And this, I think, is the op’s issue.

But we're not talking about the morals or environmental impact of having the lights on.

As long as he's not breaking any laws, the neighbour is allowed to do what he wants in his own garden. OP can disagree with it all she likes, but she doesn't get to dictate what her neighbour does and doesn't do.

@Thismonkeysgonetodevon the effect on nature is very much secondary to OP’s argument and seems to have been tagged on as a way of making her stance more justified. It wouldn’t be reasonable to demand a neighbour takes up artificial grass or a driveway because it’s better for nature either.

Back in the real world we illuminate our spaces at night, have done for centuries for many reasons. the picture posted is not intrusive or excessive and well within reasonable boundaries. It’s simply part of living close to people, some of whom will have different requirements and goals to us.

installing blackout blinds or whatever isn’t an unreasonable cost for something that is solely for the OP’s comfort. I don’t want to make eye contact with my neighbours every time I step in my back garden so I pay for a fence. I don’t have to, I could tell them to bugger off back in their house every time I’m outside but it seems much more of a compromise for me to install something that allows us both to do what we want if I’m the one with a problem with it.

I’m guessing there’s more going on with this chap. He’s had ghastly illnesses, and sounds isolated. As much as being in the dark can be calming and necessary for many people, equally light can be very reassuring and make people feel less lonely. It can be quite bleak looking out on to total darkness if you’re not in a good place mentally.
My son sleeps with lights on as he can’t stand the dark.
I’m with you and like complete darkness.
Perhaps take this as an opportunity to find out a bit more and see if there’s any way you or your family could support him. Children can be very charming - depending on how old your children are, they could ask him If he needs anything (obvs I have no idea of your current relationship with him, as to whether this is feasible) Behaviour breeds behaviour - kill him with kindness (not too much..) and you can then negotiate his garden lights.

Nope. His and other peoples desire for light trump my need for darkness every time. I have not said he cannot have light or that I am not willing to make changes but it seems that people on this thread love putting the boot in.
Admittedly the photo does not show the extent of the intrusion but I should have known that posting on this board would end up like this.

Nope. His and other peoples desire for light trump my need for darkness every time. I have not said he cannot have light or that I am not willing to make changes but it seems that people on this thread love putting the boot in.
Admittedly the photo does not show the extent of the intrusion but I should have known that posting on this board would end up like this.😂

But you can see perfectly clearly from the photo that this isn't artificial lights blaring into the windows. What a silly thing to say.

You don't need to suck it up. There are relatively simple steps you can take to protect yourself. If you don't want to take them then you can hardly complain.

I would appeal to him regarding the environment.
www.darksky.org/light-pollution/?fbclid=IwAR07FXnSOQ1G6qTPXgY3zAuMvpErgLg6siuYtWC48-sIcsxzMJqU-9YZRgU

education.nationalgeographic.org/resource/light-pollution

Nope. His and other peoples desire for light trump my need for darkness every time. I have not said he cannot have light or that I am not willing to make changes but it seems that people on this thread love putting the boot in.
Admittedly the photo does not show the extent of the intrusion but I should have known that posting on this board would end up like this.

On AIBU? About a neighbour? of Course you should have known.Beyond predictable.

I understand your irritation at having to spend money on this after years of not having blackouts but I don't get your continued leaving and returning and irritation with a bunch of predictable randoms on the internet.

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination Thank you for info- DM has no neighbours to worry about and more money than she needs! - but I’d not heard of those timers, I’ll take a look for myself ☺️

Good points.

It’s probably the same/no worse than not having curtains drawn at night, and having tv and lights on.

would anyone think that was unreasonable?

Of course you can ask if he would mind setting them on a timer. I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.

I highly recommend black out blinds either way.

It’s probably the same/no worse than not having curtains drawn at night, and having tv and lights on.

would anyone think that was unreasonable?

A light on in my kitchen doesn’t flood my or neighbours garden with light no. Isn’t that a bit like saying artificial grass is no worse than having carpet in the lounge.

Neither do the lights in the photo OP posted upthread, though.

A photo taken on a phone can’t capture the brightness properly.

www.gov.uk/guidance/artificial-light-nuisances-how-councils-deal-with-complaints#what-can-cause-artificial-light-nuisances

Yet someone else upthread posted a photo of their neighbours light which was about 20x brighter than the ones OP is moaning about 😕

Your local council can help you delude what is and is not reasonable. Light pollution is a real problem in rural areas and it is hard to tell from photos.
Also - I can't understand how people don't understand houses with windows only one side!

This is one of the criteria for domestic light being a nuisance

how it’s likely to affect the average person (unusual sensitivities aren’t included)

Exactly.
no different from having a kitchen light on

I have a street lamp right outside my bedroom window. I didn't realise it was there until I bought the house. I dont like curtains because I like to lie in bed and watch the stars and get up naturally with the sun.
The council refuse to put a collar on it and won't even let me pay for one.
The guy at the back of the house has blazing security lights that go off with every cat or fox that goes by so I can't sleep at the back. It's infuriating.
I've had to get black out curtains and my body doesn't know if it's day or night! I hate it.
I'd go round and ask your neighbour if the lights could go off at night.

It's not really for me to say whether or not you're being unreasonable.

But for what it's worth, my opinion is that if it's illuminating his garden then that's up to him, the lights aren't forward facing onto your property, I can't imagine he's sat there and thought "I'm going to have lights in my garden... but I'll ask for permission from the neighbour if I'm allowed to before I go ahead". To me that would be an unreasonable expectation if I'm being completely honest. If the shoe was on the other foot I can't imagine that you would ask for his permission to do something to your home. You have decided that it impacts you due to your light sensitivity. I get hay fever but I wouldn't ask my neighbours to stop planting flowers or cutting their grass.

I work night shifts and struggle to sleep during the day, I bought some sticky back black privacy film for my windows and my room is pitch black with no light whatsoever coming in.