Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

299 replies

2Jays · 20/08/2022 23:14

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?
OP posts:
Original poster
2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:44

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:42

I think it's a bit rich that you're complaining about his lights when your daughter is kicking a ball into his garden. Sorry op.

It's a sponge tennis ball that he usually throws back. It has happened a handful of times in the 9 years she has been alive.

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/08/2022 08:44

PinballWizard18 · 21/08/2022 08:35

He's ill, he could be gone soon. Once he is, go into his garden when it's dark and take all the tat away. Job done!
If it's electric, his bill will encourage him to turn it off surely?

What a vile response.

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:44

Doesn't matter. You're right next to a park. Why can't she play tennis there?

AngelinaFibres · 21/08/2022 08:45

You absolutely aren't an arsehole for asking for advice. The problem is that there is a very simple ,long lasting, and not painfully expensive instant solution which allows you to take control of your problem. And it is very much only your problem. You say your sensory issues are part of a hidden disability. Does that same disability prevent you from accepting that the solution must be from your side and not his. You can solve it very simply and then carry on with your life in your nice cottage. Or you can ignore what people are repeatedly advising and get yourself in a mental stew. Only you know the answer to that.

Original poster
2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:45

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:29

She shouldn't be going into his garden to get a ball without asking.

He's quite right to be cross about that.

What is she doing that the ball goes into his garden (more than once)? You're right next to a park. Take her there to play ball.

Once in 9 years!!!!

OP posts:
dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:47

Doesn't matter. She shouldn't be putting the ball into his garden. It's gone over more than once, the once, according to you, was that she forgot to ask if she could get it back.

I absolutely hate when the kids next door jump my fence and come in to get balls back. They need to learn to knock and ask. Every time. I have dogs and I don't want an incident.

Original poster
2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:47

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:44

Doesn't matter. You're right next to a park. Why can't she play tennis there?

We often do but am I not allowed to use my own garden to play?

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/08/2022 08:47

I get that people don't want to hear kids and we try hard to keep the noise down but we have to live too.

And he wants his lights. Your kids noise bothers him at times, his lights bother you. You can block out his light by buying a black out blind, if it's an issue that really affects you, you wouldn't mind spending a small amount of money to alleviate it. You cannot demand he doesn't have lights in his garden.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/08/2022 08:48

We often do but am I not allowed to use my own garden to play?

Is he not allowed to use his own garden for lights?

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:51

We often do but am I not allowed to use my own garden to play?

Yes but you shouldn't put balls into his garden. And should knock and ask every time you want them back.

He tolerates that and you should tolerate his lights (which don't look that bad to me).

NoMichaelNo · 21/08/2022 08:52

If you were my neighbour and you complained to me you'd be getting a two word response with the second word being 'off'.

It is his garden, as long as it is legal he can do what he likes.

Your issues are exactly that, your issues and he doesn't need to accommodate you at all. If you are really that sensitive the onus is on you to think of a solution that doesn't affect your neighbour.

Original poster
2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:52

AngelinaFibres · 21/08/2022 08:45

You absolutely aren't an arsehole for asking for advice. The problem is that there is a very simple ,long lasting, and not painfully expensive instant solution which allows you to take control of your problem. And it is very much only your problem. You say your sensory issues are part of a hidden disability. Does that same disability prevent you from accepting that the solution must be from your side and not his. You can solve it very simply and then carry on with your life in your nice cottage. Or you can ignore what people are repeatedly advising and get yourself in a mental stew. Only you know the answer to that.

I have responded several times that I will make changes but still people come on to chastise me for not liking the situation. I am responding to comments as I see fit and not ignoring any of the advice I have received. Why does it bother you?

OP posts:
LittleLottle · 21/08/2022 08:52

Blackout blinds and curtains, problem solved.

LaCasa · 21/08/2022 08:53

Leave the man alone OP. Your issue with light is your issue. For goodness sake don't go to his door and moan about his lights, he'll think you're nuts and extremely entitled.

Original poster
2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:53

NoMichaelNo · 21/08/2022 08:52

If you were my neighbour and you complained to me you'd be getting a two word response with the second word being 'off'.

It is his garden, as long as it is legal he can do what he likes.

Your issues are exactly that, your issues and he doesn't need to accommodate you at all. If you are really that sensitive the onus is on you to think of a solution that doesn't affect your neighbour.

I guess I could have the same attitude about accommodating the needs of others too. What a nice world that would be.

OP posts:
SpikyGreenLeaves · 21/08/2022 08:53

We too have “Blackpool Illuminations “ next door, in a lovely rural area, I’ve no idea what possessed them to do it.
Cant see the stars, it’s just so inconsiderate.
I hate it . And is often on still, into the early hours, and glows at the sides of the black out blinds.

I did hear that a green light laser pointer, might take out the sensor for a short time, not sure how accurate that is, as I don’t have one

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:55

I have solar lights in my garden. I back onto fields.

I like them because I can sit in the garden of an evening and they light the path for me I'm disabled, I can't walk too steadily, and I'm scared of tripping and falling.

I have a chair outside and I sit next to some of the lights and read

I'm absolutely allowed to do that in my own garden. The fact that my neighbour might not like it is not my problem. I'm using my garden in a very normal way.

I can't see that the neighbour is doing much different to what I do.

SunnyD44 · 21/08/2022 08:56

YABU just get blackout blinds/curtains.

My neighbours don’t have lights outside or anything but I still need blackout curtains to sleep.

NoMichaelNo · 21/08/2022 08:56

2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:53

I guess I could have the same attitude about accommodating the needs of others too. What a nice world that would be.

Show quote history

Your needs are pretty extreme though, you don't want your neighbour to have lights in his garden.

What if he passes away and the new neighbours like to illuminate the garden even more?

aSofaNearYou · 21/08/2022 08:56

I guess I could have the same attitude about accommodating the needs of others too. What a nice world that would be.

Yet your response to your daughters balls annoying him was "can I not play in my own garden". Do you not see the hypocrisy?

dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 08:56

aSofaNearYou · 21/08/2022 08:56

I guess I could have the same attitude about accommodating the needs of others too. What a nice world that would be.

Yet your response to your daughters balls annoying him was "can I not play in my own garden". Do you not see the hypocrisy?

This.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/08/2022 08:57

aSofaNearYou · 21/08/2022 08:56

I guess I could have the same attitude about accommodating the needs of others too. What a nice world that would be.

Yet your response to your daughters balls annoying him was "can I not play in my own garden". Do you not see the hypocrisy?

👏🏼

mountainsunsets · 21/08/2022 08:57

We often do but am I not allowed to use my own garden to play?

Of course, but when balls go over his fence they could damage his property or hurt him.

Christmasiscominghohoho · 21/08/2022 08:58

2Jays · 21/08/2022 08:47

We often do but am I not allowed to use my own garden to play?

Show quote history

This is hilarious.

Can’t you see how much of a hypocrite you are 😂😂

TrashyPanda · 21/08/2022 08:59

Those are not intrusive lights. Not at all.