AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

It's a sponge ball and we aren't play tennis in the garden as it's so small. This has been a handful of times in 9 years. The odd ball does not compare to overly lit gardens that affect peoples sleep. Ps he could choose not to return them if he were that petty.

Of course she can, she just believes that her issue takes precedence over her neighbours' right to enjoy his garden.

Are you able to grow anything in your garden to restore darkness at night and possibly some sound proofing. You’ve said he’s elderly and in poor health- he’s not going to be around forever. But new people could bring fresh issues!

I also have LED’s - solar powered- most have dimmed by around midnight as we back onto a wood, there’s lots of trees and I hate dark corners. I’d love a hot tub, feature fountain and more lighting if I could😳 I won’t out of consideration for one elderly couple. We also never have parties. I don’t let my child out early or let her stay out all day/late screeching. Probably in the minority!

I think most of the people replying on here clearly live in areas with street lights and will never understand! I live very rurally, with total darkness. We’ve had similar problems with neighbours. New people coming to the area seem to spook and light up their houses like Blackpool. Black out blinds aren’t good enough if you’re used to complete darkness, and if you plug all the gaps you can’t let any air in. I don’t understand why people move to a dark, rural area if they want it lit up like a town!

It's a sponge ball and we aren't play tennis in the garden as it's so small. This has been a handful of times in 9 years. The odd ball does not compare to overly lit gardens that affect peoples sleep. Ps he could choose not to return them if he were that petty.

In your opinion.

The man is doing nothing wrong. Those lights aren't excessive. Maybe it's his idea of a pleasant way to spend time, to sit in his conservatory in the evening and look at his garden? He's got cancer and has had strokes - he probably isn't as mobile as he used to be

If you want complete darkness, you need somewhere with no neighbours at all.

As I have already said, the police here recommended a sensor light for my back garden due to break ins from the fields. I suppose you'd be complaining to the police too?

They don't look too bright to me but maybe it's the photo? I know how irritating some things are to neighbours, he can't do anything though if he doesn't know your not as keen on the lights as he is. It's always going to be difficult unless you live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours. Personally his lights wouldn't bother me, but at Christmas when the neighbour across the road leaves their hideous flashing lights on all night that is annoying as the house is covered in them. Try to find some sort of compromise with your neighbour as he's not doing anything wrong but if your bothered and not sleeping that's not fair either.

And you live here?

YANBU OP. I hate to see gardens lit up at night because of the impact on wildlife and because I like to be able to see the stars.

I was delighted when the council put in streetlights that go off at approx 11 pm and have a motion sensor so that they come on if people approach, and they are designed so that all the light is directed downwards, so they don't light up people's houses.

I would try asking him if he'd mind turning them off at, say, 10 or 11pm, he might not realise how intrusive they are or that they affect wildlife. If he does mind, it'll have to be blackout blinds.

@2Jays YANBU. It’s totally unreasonable and unnecessary to have these stupid bloody lights on at night. It’s the light people who are entitled!

Lots of My neighbours have installed these ridiculous soffit lights to illuminate their new builds, like mine, as if they’re Buckingham fucking Palace, and it does my head in. One shines very brightly into my bedroom 🤷🏼‍♀️ Plus as others have said it’s terrible for wildlife to have swathes of the place lit up at night.

There’s also no point having your garden lit up “for security” unless you intend to watch it all night.

Scientifically, there is a huge difference between artificial light and natural light.

Im hoping the price increases will make them economise and switch them off!

i feel for you @2Jays. The responses here make me see why there is no point trying to reason with entitled people.

Personally I don’t think they’re unreasonable and shouldn’t cause you any probs if you close the curtains/blind.

They are subtle, most likely solar powered lights so prob won’t work much on the winter anyway.

I can't believe the responses on here, the world is full of selfish people! The lights might be physically located in his garden (all the people saying his garden, his rules) but light shines - he can't restrict the light to his garden, so it is affecting his neighbour, therefore he is the one being unreasonable!

I can understand that you don't like it but the solution has to lie in your hands, not his. The flats behind my house installed bright security lights. I bought blackout blinds. Sorted, job done. I don't like the lights, but I've found the best way to live with them.

Actually, I find motion sensor lights to be worse than lights that are on all the time. If they are too sensitive, the slightest thing sets them off and a bird or other small animal would be setting them off constantly, so it would be a constant off/on effect. And I would have to get out of bed to check if there was an intruder. BUT I would just suck it up.

It's a sponge ball and we aren't play tennis in the garden as it's so small. This has been a handful of times in 9 years.

It doesn't matter. It could knock a drink or something over and smash it, or knock him and cause him to lose his balance, especially if he's been unwell.

The odd ball does not compare to overly lit gardens that affect peoples sleep.

The odd ball is worse as you can't do anything (as a property owner) to prevent them coming over the fence, whereas you can put up blinds and curtains to block the light if it bothers you.

Ps he could choose not to return them if he were that petty.

Maybe he doesn't want your crap cluttering up his garden 🙄

Only if you don't like to see the sky at night, wake with the sun & don't like to have the windows open!!

@2Jays like you, I like to see the sky (& what few stars we can still see) at night & like to have the daylight when the sun rises. Plus my windows are open all year, I want the fresh air when I sleep. I choose not to have any window dressings.

I'd be just as annoyed as you!

I would go around and have a chat to him about it.

though I can see why with the alcohol & weed & him being grumpy that it's not going to be easy!

some posters seem to have him down as some frail, sweet old man. To me that doesn't sound like the case!

good luck!!

Then the neighbour can install one of the many blackout products if it bothers her 🤷🏻‍♀️

@2Jays

I can't believe the hard time you've been getting on here. It turned into quite the pile on! Must be the heat and humidity this summer making people crabby. Some people have been really harsh calling you entitled and bratty and all things under the sun. So unnecessary.

I think it's a bit daft for somebody to say 'well how do you cope with the sun coming up at 4:30 to 5:30 AM in summer?' Because the sun coming up naturally at that time (when the vast majority of people are in a deep deep sleep,) is not the same as having blaring lights coming through your curtains or window at 11:00 o'clock at night when you're trying to get to sleep.

Anyway I can't really give you anymore advice other than just tell him and say can you please put these lights off at 10:00 PM or something??? Or the obvious solution that people have already suggested (apologies for this,) but bloody great big blackout curtains.

I must say I am baffled about a house with absolutely no windows at the back by the way. That's really strange. Why aren't there any windows at the back? I don't think they ever seen a house with no windows at the back ... anyway I hope you get it sorted ... I'm really sorry but such a hard time on here.

I think you are being U and precious. It's his garden and he's perfectly entitled to have lights in it if he so wishes.

Does it actually shine into your bedroom ? We had this with neighbours who had been burgled and their new security lights shone all night into my son’s room. A bit quick google on the law meant I could go to them and say you need to move them away from our house and point them down. They did and it was fine. Not sure what law is on lights being permanently on ina garden 🤔

Agreed.

I live in a semi rural location but understand some light their gardens as a security measure. Sadly after 16 years in our house we are one of them. Just on a sensor but sadly needed.

Maybe he feels vulnerable now especially after being ill.

But Where I am, in the height of summer it never really gets truly dark as in pitch black. These who need pitch black to sleep get blackout blinds etc. it's the same here.

If he's had a security check from the police (elderly man, disabled, strokes, cancer - he might well be feeling vulnerable) they will have told him to put lights up as they deter burglars. They did me (and the others in my road who back on to the fields. There was a burglary here and they came in via the back from the fields). Would you all be telling the police they're wrong?

YANBU. Lights and noise in a garden inevitably affect other people and it's so selfish to impose your choices and taste onto others.

They're also horrible for wildlife, which sadly most don't really care about.

Blackouts don't always work, we have them and are still very disturbed by our neighbours light. Apart from my DH , who thinks closing your eyes solves all problems. I reckon most of the posters on here have blackout eyelids like my DH and don't understand your problem OP.

People telling the OP to wear an eye mask - please do her the courtesy of at least reading her posts. It's not an option for her.

I feel your pain!

Our neighbours installed a Narnia style street lamp in their garden last year right up against our shared fence line, they have added to it this year with lights on every single one of their many sheds and a line of twinkling fairy lights for good measure

This is it at 00.45 yesterday morning…we were sat in our garden enjoying a few quiet beers around the chiminea - just us and a friend chatting quietly as our kids were in bed

The neighbours were at home but all the lights were off in the house so we assume they were in bed but all the lights in their garden were still on and lit up our entire garden … we live in the arse end of nowhere and it is the only light source

Obviously they are so rich they are not at all affected by the rises in electricity prices - it’s lit up like the bloody Blackpool illuminations 😁