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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Call the police or am I wasting police time

381 replies

GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 01:24

Partner went out on his motorbike to go to an open Mike night. Said he would be home at 11.

11.20 he messages to say sorry he didn’t realise the time he’d be home soon.

it’s now 1.20 and he isn’t answering his phone. Facebook messages show as not delivered, and when I ring his phone it either says this persons phone is switched off or it rings with no answer.

im sure he is fine and is having a good time but I’m pregnant and currently an insomniac, I’m worried. We live in York, I’m worried he has had an accident, or maybe he stupidly had a drink and then something happened on his motorbike.

Would I be wasting police time if I rang and asked if they’d had any reports? Do I just wait? I can’t sleep. We have dogs and they bark their heads off when he gets home so he knows it’s not on to come home really late as it wakes me up and I’m an irritable pregnant lady, I’m happy for him to stay out at a friends when he goes out to avoid that. But he’s not communicated anything

OP posts:
Blue4YOU · 20/08/2022 21:14

@Badgirlriri
She didn’t call the police “on him”. She called because he left on a motorbike to go drinking, said he’d be home at 11, didn’t text or call to say he wasn’t coming back having said that he was and so.. she is asking about bike accidents from fear.
Anyway, glad you know where you stand OP.
Best of luck with the baby and glad you have your mum.

Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 22:13

I have been upset and withdrawn this evening. 8.30pm “do you mind if I go out for a couple of hours”.

my jaw dropped. I said do what you want.

I wonder if he’s going to ask if he’s got any clean laundry for work, or if I’ll drive some of his equipment to his next job.

I’ve locked him out for the night anyway.

OP posts:
CactusBlossom · 20/08/2022 22:19

Oh good grief! What a total lack of respect. He should definitely have let you know about delays, and going out again tonight is just taking the p*ss.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/08/2022 22:36

GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 22:13

I have been upset and withdrawn this evening. 8.30pm “do you mind if I go out for a couple of hours”.

my jaw dropped. I said do what you want.

I wonder if he’s going to ask if he’s got any clean laundry for work, or if I’ll drive some of his equipment to his next job.

I’ve locked him out for the night anyway.

When I broke up with my exH he seemed to think things were going to carry on as before because we were in the same flat. Just without him having any responsibility. He got a large shock.

Yours will too. No laundry, cooking, finances, nothing.

And I am extremely glad you have ducks. It's not painless but at least it's possible. Glad to hear your mum will help as well.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 21/08/2022 08:22

MumofSpud · 20/08/2022 17:20

Band Practice?! You have a man child there but you know that already
I hate the phrase but you should be looking at getting all your ducks in a row
Good Luck!

How does being in a band make him a man child? My DH is in a band and practices every week.

Ludo19 · 21/08/2022 08:33

Stick to your guns, don't take him back OP and don't let him take one if your dogs either, if you pay for food, vet bills etc then don't let him. He doesn't sound all that stable anyway. Good luck x

templesit · 21/08/2022 09:01

Op I hope you are ok.

You're better off without x

Maireas · 21/08/2022 09:06

Angelinflipflops · 20/08/2022 10:33

Hes using the anniversary of his dad's death 10 years ago as a partial excuse for his twatty behaviour?

I was thinking the same. Utterly ridiculous. He's a selfish arse.

Crazycrazylady · 21/08/2022 11:54

Op
I'd be waiting for the penny to drop with him about how cushy he has it living with you . Be prepared for him to have a change of heart

FetchezLaVache · 21/08/2022 12:04

Ludo19 · 21/08/2022 08:33

Stick to your guns, don't take him back OP and don't let him take one if your dogs either, if you pay for food, vet bills etc then don't let him. He doesn't sound all that stable anyway. Good luck x

Yes, agree. And surely it's got to be better for the dogs to stay together?

Well done, you sound really sorted and this loser sounds like he brings very little to your life, except the gorgeous baby you'll soon be snuggling. More fool he if he doesn't want to be part of the family.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 22/08/2022 17:17

So sorry to hear that you have to go through this shit when preggers, you are well rid, what an absolute manchild. I take it he never wore condoms yet was surprised that a baby appeared. Better that he is away now, than a year down the line when he was on the mortgage!

Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 01/09/2022 04:20

Brief update. His new house rental starts on Friday and he will move his stuff over the weekend.

I have offered to help (he doesn't drive).

You might think that's silly of me but hey, at least I'll know where he lives ....

OP posts:
Ophanim · 01/09/2022 05:45

Wishing you all the very best, OP. You are being very brave and I admire you.

expat101 · 01/09/2022 05:55

Best wishes from me too. You do what you need to do.. sending cyber hugs your way. xx

SierraSapphire · 01/09/2022 05:57

Well done. I wasted eight years on a man like this because he was the father of my child. DD and I have had a great relationship despite her initially having a lot of anxiety about his coming and going and his drinking. I look back now and think what the hell was I doing? Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and baby Flowers

Lovesacake · 01/09/2022 07:00

Op just popping in to say well done for not doing the whole begging him to stay thing. Your kids are lucky to have you and I suspect you will do an amazing job without him x

Whydidimarryhim · 01/09/2022 07:16

If you are in the uk you maybe entitled to some tax credits - look up Entitled To.
Its a benefit calculator.

AudTheDeepMinded · 01/09/2022 07:20

Good for you. Now everyone knows where they stand and you can deal with a black and white picture with no confusing grey areas. Best of luck with the baby and the house.

IrishladyNE · 01/09/2022 07:28

Sorry but this is a huge red flag. My ex said and did the same when I was pregnant. When the baby came he went out all the time. I left him when she was 18 months because it was awful. He sounds very immature and really selfish.

Jaxinthebox · 01/09/2022 07:32

I am glad you have got some resolution and you seem so strong and positive.

Best of luck OP.

Thoughtful2355 · 01/09/2022 07:51

This is all just really sad :( Hes abandoned a child because he doesnt want to be a dad, I get it but i really feel for that child. He may change his mind but if he does dont let him back in. Hes made his choice, he cannot just expect to be able to change his mind when he sees a cute baby.

friskybivalves · 01/09/2022 07:54

Is he taking the dog?

The dog that will get left on its own for hours when he goes on a lock in, that can't go on his motorbike, that he won't get up to walk in the morning?

Bet if he is, your dog will be returned to you.

I'm sorry your pregnancy insomnia still seems to be an issue, judging by the time of your most recent post - maybe once the move is done your brain will quieten down a little. Best of luck with it all.

LizzieSiddal · 01/09/2022 07:56

You’ll be much better off without him in the long run. Wishing you all the best with your baby.x

beebopper6 · 01/09/2022 07:58

It sounds all for the best.

What a lovely Mum you have!

Scuttlingherbert · 01/09/2022 08:04

Thinking of you. You sound very brave and wish you all the best for the future.

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