Call the police or am I wasting police time

[GarlicCrackers]

Partner went out on his motorbike to go to an open Mike night. Said he would be home at 11.

11.20 he messages to say sorry he didn’t realise the time he’d be home soon.

it’s now 1.20 and he isn’t answering his phone. Facebook messages show as not delivered, and when I ring his phone it either says this persons phone is switched off or it rings with no answer.

im sure he is fine and is having a good time but I’m pregnant and currently an insomniac, I’m worried. We live in York, I’m worried he has had an accident, or maybe he stupidly had a drink and then something happened on his motorbike.

Would I be wasting police time if I rang and asked if they’d had any reports? Do I just wait? I can’t sleep. We have dogs and they bark their heads off when he gets home so he knows it’s not on to come home really late as it wakes me up and I’m an irritable pregnant lady, I’m happy for him to stay out at a friends when he goes out to avoid that. But he’s not communicated anything

When men start getting pregnant they will be very welcome to have abortions too. But until then, their only responsibility is to prevent pregnancy from occurring. That's not difficult.

And as we all know, the only way to do that 100% is never to have sex!

You're very sensible OP, I feel like you're future is bright now he has moved out.

Here's hoping that he is reliable with the baby. I'm glad you have good support around you.

chaosmaker

There was a thread on her a few weeks ago about men not using condoms and not wanting to use condoms, even for one night stands. I don't feel sorry for men who have sex without using protection and then tell a women to have an abortion.

At the end of the day, the woman has the final say on unsafe sex. (rape aside).

It is always in her hands to stop it or to insist on using two methods of contraception at the same time.

Contraception and safe sex are two different things. Abortion is neither.

OP you sound amazing. It's much better he's gone before baby arrives. Wishing you and your family happiness and health 💐

'I had forgotten it was the anniversary of his dads death (10 years ago) which is one of the reasons I was so worried when he said he was on his way home but didn’t turn up.'

I have reread this line a dozen times and still dont get it... how could you be worried about something you had forgotton?

No one is 'forced' to be a parent... no one secretly snuck in chloroform soaked rag and stole sperm against his consent.

Honestly do people not remember the abhorrent effect of the Illegitamicy law, fully grown adults who created a child do not get to opt out of responsabilities, the CHILD is the innocent party and should always come first.

You don not get to opt out of adulting and not face the consiquences of your self choosen actions to the suffering and detriment of others.

Well done on everything OP

If he ever does turn up to walk the dog, please let your mum just give him the dog at the door. Don't let him try to wiggle back in. You are amazing and your plan to have your mum live with you and watch dramas together sounds like such bliss after the turmoil that he put you through.

Sorry to hear what you're going through but honestly, I think it's for the best and you'll be happier on your own.
I had a very similar scenario with unplanned pregnancy, he would flit between wanting me to abort, then be ok about it. He was also very selfish, unhelpful and would be out all the time. I put up with so much because I had in my head that he didn't really want the baby so i shouldn't expect too much.
I wasted 10 years with him and he put such a downer on what should have been a happy time.
Anyway, it's great that you're not financially dependant on him. Now you're separated you can hopefully relax and start to focus on the baby and look forward to it.
He may change his mind too once the baby is here but at least with him moving out you can now put boundaries in place and not be so affected by his behaviour.

Abortion allows women to decide whether or not they wish to put their bodies through the risks of pregnancy and labour, which go as far as permanent injury and death. It is nothing to do with men and it isn't some sort of affront to them that should be offset by allowing fathers to abdicate all responsibility for their own children, even minimal support payments for a finite amount of time.

The only reason it seems to be an advantage at times like this is because being the childbearing sex is an enormous disadvantage in itself.

A man can choose safe sex or to eliminate risk entirely. A woman's right to bodily autonomy is a separate issue. A born, breathing, existing, living child's right to minimal support from their own parents trumps a man's desire for risk and consequence-free sex.

I'm so sorry but sounds as if you're better without him.

Tbh tricky background situation there. If DP had made it clear he didn't want the baby - which was, as you say, 'an accident' - it really makes it difficult. If it was the other way around, i.e. if a woman decided not to want to carry on with the pregnancy and if the man insisted, I think the advice/comments would be very different.

Sounds as if you're in the better situation, though, and with a supportive mum so best of luck - you'll do brilliantly, I'm sure! :)

what an utter twat how is he affording his own rental place if you pay for everything

If it was the other way around, i.e. if a woman decided not to want to carry on with the pregnancy and if the man insisted, I think the advice/comments would be very different.

Of course they would, because abortion is an invasive, potentially traumatic procedure in a woman's body and the right to choose goes both ways.

The hoary old "swap the sexes" doesn't work when we're discussing pregnancy, childbirth and abortion.

And if my uncle had a vagina he'd be my aunt.

What would you prefer? That a man can force a woman to abort a pregnancy she wants, or to continue one she doesn't?

In what way is it a 'grey area'?

Sorry, OP, but this mentality is a red flag. He should be excited about the birth, meeting his child, your future together as a family. But he's framing it entirely as how it will spoil his fun. Not a great sign of emotional maturity, tbh.

They've split up already! He's moving out tomorrow. Read the thread

I didn’t ring the emergency number, I rang 101 and waited patiently on hold for 25 minutes

He went out, initially he was unresponsive and that didn’t worry me. When I remembered it was the anniversary then I was worried as last year was horrendous, he drank himself into a stupor for a week. Once I had realised, I tried to get hold of him to check everything was okay and that was when I started to be concerned

His sister has fronted a years worth of rent

He's sounding more and more of a catch with every update.

He did spend the first 4 months saying I don’t want the baby, but then saying I love you, I don’t want to leave you so I’ll support you and deal with it. He discussed baby names etc. whenever my post was at the start of this he then decided nah, don’t want to be a dad and has swiftly arranged to move out.

I've read your updates. Wow you sound really strong and together. Your now ex sounds like an idiot!!

When is your baby due? How are you feeling?

That's fantastic you get on with your mam and she can move in with you. I don't have any experience with CMS but if he is self employed and bad at it would you be best to try come to a mutual agreement about maintenance? Make sure he knows he will be expected to contribute. If he wanted the baby or not he is getting one. We all know how they are made.