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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Call the police or am I wasting police time

381 replies

GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 01:24

Partner went out on his motorbike to go to an open Mike night. Said he would be home at 11.

11.20 he messages to say sorry he didn’t realise the time he’d be home soon.

it’s now 1.20 and he isn’t answering his phone. Facebook messages show as not delivered, and when I ring his phone it either says this persons phone is switched off or it rings with no answer.

im sure he is fine and is having a good time but I’m pregnant and currently an insomniac, I’m worried. We live in York, I’m worried he has had an accident, or maybe he stupidly had a drink and then something happened on his motorbike.

Would I be wasting police time if I rang and asked if they’d had any reports? Do I just wait? I can’t sleep. We have dogs and they bark their heads off when he gets home so he knows it’s not on to come home really late as it wakes me up and I’m an irritable pregnant lady, I’m happy for him to stay out at a friends when he goes out to avoid that. But he’s not communicated anything

OP posts:
UserError012345 · 20/08/2022 05:40

Don't get up with the dogs. Send them into him.

Are you sure he was at a 'lock in' ?

WeLoveYouMissHanigan · 20/08/2022 05:44

He goes out drinking tjeee times a week? 😳

vegang · 20/08/2022 07:09

He sounds horrible! Do you believe he was where he says?

HuffleWoof · 20/08/2022 07:12

Can you get up with the dogs and do whatever they need to do then go back to bed? Isn't that quite a normal thing to do? Just go back to bed?

Msloverlover · 20/08/2022 07:14

Ugggggghhhh, I totally feel this. Had this throughout my first pregnancy. Now much better in my second. For ages he seemed to assume I couldn’t sleep because I was angry he had gone out. I wasn’t, I just couldn’t sleep without knowing what time he would be back. Pregnancy makes it ten times worse. If I’m not at home, I literally don’t give a shit what time he comes in, but if I’m in, he needs to give me a ball park time and stick to it (or tell me what’s going on). I will guaranteed wake up on the dot of the hour he says. I wish I could change it but I can’t.

Now it rarely happens but those sleepless nights still haunt me!

Badgirlriri · 20/08/2022 07:22

i can understand your worry but ultimately, imagine if you’d stayed out with your friends and because you wasn’t home by 1/2am-ish, your partner then phoned the POLICE on you. I think you’d be quite angry too. I know I would be.

Tiny2018 · 20/08/2022 07:28

Sorry OP but I'm getting affairy vibes.

akslan · 20/08/2022 07:35

Badgirlriri · 20/08/2022 07:22

i can understand your worry but ultimately, imagine if you’d stayed out with your friends and because you wasn’t home by 1/2am-ish, your partner then phoned the POLICE on you. I think you’d be quite angry too. I know I would be.

It was because he said he would be home shortly at 11 and then she didn't hear anything for another 3 hours. It's not like she called them just because he was out that late. Also she didn't call 999, it was 101 for advice. You're being a bit judgemental/unkind.

OP your husband sounds like a selfish twat, he needs to be honest with you if he is planning on staying out later and maybe not go out so much so he can help you with things like the dogs. Pregnancy insomnia is awful, you have my sympathy!

HairyKitty · 20/08/2022 07:35

“..not be allowed..” that’s very worrying and does not bode at all well.
Doesnt he feel like his has any responsibility for the care of his own baby or the mother of his baby??

Pollydon · 20/08/2022 07:38

You need to have a serious talk with him, going out drinking like this then saying that he is not ready to be a dad is awful. He needs to grow the fuck up.

Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:48

vegang · 20/08/2022 07:09

He sounds horrible! Do you believe he was where he says?

No, this week unusually he has been out late three times. 2 x band practice

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:50

Msloverlover · 20/08/2022 07:14

Ugggggghhhh, I totally feel this. Had this throughout my first pregnancy. Now much better in my second. For ages he seemed to assume I couldn’t sleep because I was angry he had gone out. I wasn’t, I just couldn’t sleep without knowing what time he would be back. Pregnancy makes it ten times worse. If I’m not at home, I literally don’t give a shit what time he comes in, but if I’m in, he needs to give me a ball park time and stick to it (or tell me what’s going on). I will guaranteed wake up on the dot of the hour he says. I wish I could change it but I can’t.

Now it rarely happens but those sleepless nights still haunt me!

are you me? This is exactly my issue!

OP posts:
LiveintheNow · 20/08/2022 07:50

Did he come home on the motorbike?

Badgirlriri · 20/08/2022 07:51

akslan · 20/08/2022 07:35

It was because he said he would be home shortly at 11 and then she didn't hear anything for another 3 hours. It's not like she called them just because he was out that late. Also she didn't call 999, it was 101 for advice. You're being a bit judgemental/unkind.

OP your husband sounds like a selfish twat, he needs to be honest with you if he is planning on staying out later and maybe not go out so much so he can help you with things like the dogs. Pregnancy insomnia is awful, you have my sympathy!

Show quote history

He’s an adult. 3 hours late. I bet the police rolled their eyes.

I think the people who are suggesting he MUST be having an affair are more unkind.

Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:52

HairyKitty · 20/08/2022 07:35

“..not be allowed..” that’s very worrying and does not bode at all well.
Doesnt he feel like his has any responsibility for the care of his own baby or the mother of his baby??

He feels like his life will be over once baby arrives so better get his going out and fun in now. I haven’t said he can’t go out once baby is here, I said he can’t wake me up and if he wants to go out on a bender he needs to book a hotel for the night

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:55

Badgirlriri · 20/08/2022 07:51

He’s an adult. 3 hours late. I bet the police rolled their eyes.

I think the people who are suggesting he MUST be having an affair are more unkind.

Show quote history

The lady on the phone was very kind, I explained he was on his motorbike, that it was the anniversary of his dads death, he takes antidepressants and he’s been mugged twice whilst on his bike so I think she understood.

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 20/08/2022 07:55

Badgirlriri · 20/08/2022 07:51

He’s an adult. 3 hours late. I bet the police rolled their eyes.

I think the people who are suggesting he MUST be having an affair are more unkind.

Show quote history

Does he often sleep in the spare room?
id be really annoyed by the selfishness of him.

Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:56

LiveintheNow · 20/08/2022 07:50

Did he come home on the motorbike?

Yes, he says he only had 1 drink. I am not sure….

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:56

JulesCobb · 20/08/2022 07:55

Does he often sleep in the spare room?
id be really annoyed by the selfishness of him.

Show quote history

Yes his snoring is awful so we are sleeping separately until he has his sleep apnea appointment with hospital

OP posts:
felulageller · 20/08/2022 07:57

This isn't going to end well.

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

He doesn't want this baby.

You are on your own.

Sapphire387 · 20/08/2022 08:00

OP, you are accepting so little from him. Ask yourself why he is not being more supportive. Decent men don't behave like this especially when their partner is pregnant.

JulesCobb · 20/08/2022 08:02

GarlicCrackers · 20/08/2022 07:56

Yes his snoring is awful so we are sleeping separately until he has his sleep apnea appointment with hospital

Show quote history

Are there things that make his sleep apnea better or worse? Is he over-weight?!

but his behaviour and the separate bedrooms are not looking good for when the baby arrives. Does he understand what life with a newborn is like?

Have tou attended antenatal classes and did he go with you? might be worth doing a nct class asap.

LiveintheNow · 20/08/2022 08:08

Who goes to a pub lock in and only has one drink?

HappyHappyHermit · 20/08/2022 08:08

If he thinks a baby will mean his life is over why did he create one? He doesn't sound much cop to be fair op, you deserve to be treated better, he needs to be a man and step up.

ClaudineClare · 20/08/2022 08:21

Why do men do this when their partners are pregnant? I despair.

I hope you made him get up for the dogs, OP. Can you go and stay somewhere for the night? Let him stew in his selfish, manchild-flavoured juices.