Call the police or am I wasting police time

[GarlicCrackers]

Partner went out on his motorbike to go to an open Mike night. Said he would be home at 11.

11.20 he messages to say sorry he didn’t realise the time he’d be home soon.

it’s now 1.20 and he isn’t answering his phone. Facebook messages show as not delivered, and when I ring his phone it either says this persons phone is switched off or it rings with no answer.

im sure he is fine and is having a good time but I’m pregnant and currently an insomniac, I’m worried. We live in York, I’m worried he has had an accident, or maybe he stupidly had a drink and then something happened on his motorbike.

Would I be wasting police time if I rang and asked if they’d had any reports? Do I just wait? I can’t sleep. We have dogs and they bark their heads off when he gets home so he knows it’s not on to come home really late as it wakes me up and I’m an irritable pregnant lady, I’m happy for him to stay out at a friends when he goes out to avoid that. But he’s not communicated anything

All of this sounds like a him problem and has just maybe given you an excuse not to actually let go because you don’t want to go through that sad period but your deffo not helping yourself and doesn’t sound healthy for a child to come into or fair on you

Welcome to your life - no thanks.

🥺

He has no one else and it’s not like the NHS can. I’m not sure if they can force someone to be discharged but I’d rather they didn’t have a bed hogger.

Why on earth is this your problem?

Sorry OP you're being a mug here. The fact that he can't get his shit together doesn't mean its up to you to do it for him.

Just get him the hell out before the baby is born.

I think the fact that he has to lie there, incapacitated, whilst your mother undoubtedly scowls at him and mutters under her breath is fantastic. The discomfort is probably more painful than his back!

I get why you did it but don’t let it be a slippery slope back.

Being as polite as I can possibly be - this man child, this piece of used chewing gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe - he is not your project to fix. He is not your person to be their hero and swoop in and fix them. He is very troubled and it is not up to you to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. He doesn't want to be fixed. He keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

If he doesn't have anyone to look after him, and he actually doesn't because you're no longer together, then it is up to the NHS to find him a place to recuperate, wherever that might be. It really really isn't up to you to find him that bed.

I wish you every success with your Baby girl when she decides to make an appearance.

You sound like a lovely caring person - but too caring.

He hasn't learnt his lesson at all. He's learnt that if he fucks up, you'll be there to Mummy him. He doesn't turn up to your house to collect stuff, so you go round there... he goes out in your town, and then pops over to yours to stay so he doesn't have to pay for a hotel or go back home, he crashes his bike and you look after him.

It may not be that black and white, but honestly, he's not learning any responsibility at all - he's learning that you'll be there to wipe his bum - even though you're heavily pregnant.

You're going to be a Mum soon - you're going to have an individual who truly is helpless, rather than an adult who chooses to be helpless. I'd kick him out immediately and let him sort himself out.

Bloody hell, OP, I'm damned if I'd be the carer for a useless man-child who's stupid enough to crash a bike without anyone else being involved, especially if I was pregnant with their child and they're way of dealing with it was to check out.

He will need to make alternative arrangements soon enough, there's no way you'll be able to do all this when you have a new baby to look after.

You must have the patience of a saint.

Omg I’ve just read all your posts op.
Congrats on expected baby girl.
Please get rid of ex DP as soon as you can. He’ll drain you, he’s a total user ( been there, had that and the t shirt)
Make a new life for you and your children. Your mum sounds like a great support.

Depending where the appointment is, he may be able to get hospital transport to take him. Admittedly, they can be a bit shit about actually turning up on time, if my grandmother's experiences are anything to go by, but it's an option worth him investigating. Whether he actually does that is another matter entirely though.

Oh he’s going back home once he has any mobility, no question about it.
Guess who is going to try the "I'll be all alone at Christmas <sad face> " routine.

Hey OP. You sound like you're going to be a fantastic mum to this new baby, and as you've already got your older child you'll know the protectiveness that will kick in when she arrives.
I think you already know this piece of shit is not going to be a stable or positive influence in her life so your instinct to send him packing ASAP is spot on.

What your daughter sees you tolerating is what she'll accept for herself, so the shit you accept from him now is what you're telling her is good enough for her, too.
Lose him. He's adding nothing to any of your lives.
Don't put his name on the birth certificate, give her your name, your strength and your zero tolerance for bullshit.

Oh god op, you poor mug!

You sound so much like a relative did. She thought because she put in this tough act of ‘not putting up with it’ and being annoyed that we all couldn’t see her constantly eating shit from her useless on again/off again husband.

You can say whatever you want, act as disinterested and above it all/over him as you want.

But you are still running around after him like a lost puppy.

And from personal experience…

Having a ‘martyr’ mother (sorry op, that is exactly what you are doing here), who constantly puts up with shitty behaviour from your father, and moans about it, but keeps on doing it anyway. For fucking decades, is extremely damaging.

Are you sharing a bed?

he’s taking you for an absolute mug

‘If he’s abandoned his motorbike in the city centre I am not taking him to get it tomorrow and I hope it gets towed or whatever they do’

^^^ there is your reason as to why some men stay out as late as possible when they have partners like you!

You really lost all that strength and determination you had a few months ago 😪

Why the hell were you letting him into your house and your bed at 2am?

When he's riding his bike after drinking and taking coke?

Why were you pandering to him in the hospital?

Why is he in your house?

What a fucking disaster. Complete mess. You had got him out of your life, but you've let him back in and then some. You are letting him walk all over you.

Unfortunately op seems to have a massive tolerance for bullshit.

Why are you sharing a bed with him.

I mean I can kind of understand the thought process behind feeling obliged to look after him, but why does that involve sleeping in the same bed?

OP you need to cut this waste of space out of your life honestly, he brings absolutely nothing to you. He is a leech, financially and emotionally.

Let his sister care for him after his accident, you need to focus on yourself and the baby.

“What your daughter sees you tolerating is what she'll accept for herself, so the shit you accept from him now is what you're telling her is good enough for her, too.

Lose him. He's adding nothing to any of your lives.

Don't put his name on the birth certificate, give her your name, your strength and your zero tolerance for bullshit.”

@SnackyOnassis i agree with everything you said except the reference to zero tolerance for bullshit - OP clearly has a supernatural tolerance for bullshit and her 10 year old is watching and learning.

These are all difficult words to hear OP but I hope you take them in the spirit in which they are intended. Good luck as you countdown to your baby girl’s birth date x

This situation is so ridiculous, please stop being a mug. He’s such a crap person and you’re just babying him even after all the grief he’s caused you. So what if he falls over in his disgusting mess? It’s his own stupid fault! You need to get rid of the pathetic free loader and put your children first. I honestly despair! You were not put on this earth to look after this pathetic man child.

You are treating this so light heartedly like "oh dear, what's he like, lol..." I really, truly cannot comprehend why you feel this utter arse of a man is your responsibility to take care of. It doesn't make you a better person, if that's what you're thinking, it just makes you an utter utter mug. He must be laughing himself sick - he's treated you with contempt, he doesn't want his child, specially since it's now a girl, he consistently does stupid things and expects you to pick up the pieces and, effectively, 'mother' him, take him to appointments, make sure he takes his meds, move him into his new flat, care for him when he's injured etc etc., and you do it. Yet, the minute you, or his daughter, need something from him he will be nowhere to be seen.

Cannot believe that you took him back!

The hospital would have found somewhere for him.

Bluntly - i hope once your daughter arrives you'll start modeling the behaviour of a woman with more respect for herself, and not just a pushover for a man.

No money. Literally £0