DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

The OP has already explained that she earns a higher salary which is why she is the one returning to work.

She has way less time with a baby at hand especially very if it's very small. The house will transform in a battle ground and that will be your job as she will be too tired if she does the nightshift because you get out at work all day. If you can afford it dont even think about it twice. You also are exhausted. Enjoy your time to rest and together in a clean environment.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

I totally get this, I used to think/feel the same. A good cleaner can be extremely helpful though and make life a whole lot easier for the whole family.
And they’re used to working in other people’s houses, they’re not there to judge you and the way you live.

Well why not just give it a trial run for a month and see how you feel after that?

Hmmm. So you're saying the partner willing to put their own effort into cleaning is also the partner who can earn more. I wonder if those two facts might be related. 🤔

@CustardySergeant are you suggesting that people who are willing to clean their own homes are "grafters", so earn more? You must know some unusual high earning people, as all the high earners I know have cleaners. Do you think Jeff Bazos scrubs his on loo? Can you imagine Bill and Melinda Gates debating who was doing the hoovering and who was cleaning the kitchen of a weekend? Yes some high earners may choose to do it themselves, but I reckon if you surveyed all those earning £100k+ a year, you will find that most have cleaners.

Sorry @CustardySergeant tag fail!

Are you a man? Have you experienced giving birth ? What an awful comment completely out of order.

I dint think you are unreasonable to not want a stranger in your home. However that means you need to step up. You say you do housework already but is it enough? Do you criticise for the mess the house gets into, do your or her parents criticise?

"Are you a man? Have you experienced giving birth ? What an awful comment completely out of order."

What do you mean by this* ladydoris? *You do know that the OP's wife didn't give birth don't you? I'm confused as to what you're getting at, tbh.

Why does it matter if they're male or female?

@redbigbananafeet

If you read the rest of the thread you'll find out.

@OperaStation

Because that’s how it works in 99% of households.

How do you know that? It certainly doesn't in our house. We both clean and tidy the house. We both cook etc. we share all responsibilities in the house.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

The baby does sleep quite well really.
When she's had a bottle and a nappy change, sometimes she'll sleep for about 3 hours!
Other times she wants to be held or sleep on one of us, so we also have a sling so we can still do things around the house with her on us.
However I haven't been able to use the sling yet due to the complications after my c section so I can't do it yet.

@justasking111

I'm in the UK.
I'm self employed. So I could have the full time off on statutory pay but I do earn more. So DW will have the time off on stat mat pay and I'll be working part time.

@PatientlyWaiting21
I don't understand your comment.
We BOTH do the cleaning.
Yes I'm going to work - and being away from my baby for 8 hours each day. There are sacrifices made for the person who returns to work too.
Who knows if my wife will clean - she might not if it's been a difficult day with the baby. I imagine she will do every now and then. And so will I.

Aren't we both lucky ladies....?!

Completely unreasonable. Trust me it will do wonders for her mental health and in turn your relationship.

@TherapistInATabard

I really didn't. But to be honest, it wouldn't be the first time I have on MN.

@PlumPudd

"Why is it @OhMammaMia ?

Op is in a same sex couple, for her that’s the norm not the exception. She may not think to / or feel she has to start every post with “BTW I’m a lesbian / bi woman”"

That is correct @PlumPudd

We’ve had a cleaner for a decade now. Despite that I still rather dislike having someone in the house. I put up with it for the following reasons though:-

1. It is really hard to do things like hoovering with a baby. Generally you can only clean when the baby is asleep. But the hoover wakes him up. So you end up at the weekends with one of you looking after the baby and one of you hoovering. And both feeling a bit fed up about it.
2. What generally happens is that (because of 1) you end up cleaning less than you would ideally. Which isn’t the end of the world - no one died from a slightly messy, grubby house. Until something goes wrong. (In our case Dd ended up in hospital.) And a few days of not having the time or the headspace to do anything meant the house moved from “bit messy but bearable” to “living in squalor” very very quickly. Which made us realise that we needed to be cleaner than “bearable” as a matter of course.
3. It is really useful to have a routine where you know you must tidy everything on a Tuesday night. (Because the cleaner comes on a Wednesday.) We discovered in lockdown that just saying “we should tidy every Tuesday” did not work. But with a cleaner the kids (now at the top of primary age) know they have to tidy up all the tiny bits of Lego every week or lose them to the hoover.
4. Dealing with a slight “ick” feeling is far less unpleasant than cleaning!

There are many studies looking at the division of labour in households in the UK. I’m exaggerating when I say 99% but by fair the majority of housework is done by women, even in households where both people work.

We had our second baby and have cleaners come once a month. Would totally do it weekly if we could afford it! It was my husband's idea as he gets how tired / busy I am and it's been great so far.

When our son was born we didn't do it and it was a struggle.

is there going to be more housework than you partner feels that you can do between you? When I had a cleaner I mostly used to go out because I had two dogs at the time and it was easier to just get them out of the house, but you don't have to, the other option is to move around as the cleaner cleans or to set up camp in one room and not have that one cleaned. I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, i think you need to talk it out between you.

@OperaStation

Did you miss that the OP is also a woman?

I'd go as far as to suggest it's 100% in OP's household.