DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

@lightcurtains I'm baffled are you over seas. You should be on full pay for longer.

i have a cleaner and don't have children. a cleaner to me if you can afford it regardless if you have children or not is one of the best things you can buy. The feeling of coming home to a clean tidy house feels like i have won the lotto each time. We both work full time and have hectic lives outside of work including looking after family member, we still have to do the day to day tasks however the cleaner helps keep the house tidy and enables us to relax. Our cleaner hasn't been un three weeks ( she comes ever two weeks ) due to holidays and i am all ready stressed trying to keep the house clean this week plus will now have to spend my valuable weekend cleaning more than normal as she not back for another week. I will be exhausted. Some people love cleaning and also think its such a waste of money, you are being lazy but to me its not. I also can not live in a dirty house. There are other things in life more important than cleaning . If i had more money i would pay for a chef to cook every eve and a hairdresser to do my hair for me every week . Get the cleaner, get an apprpved agency one, if you don't want certain things seen lock your office or something then. Once you have a cleaner enjoy spending quality time with your new born and live with a happy wife

@lightcurtains so you’re going to go to work, and your wife gets to stay home all day raising the baby AND gets to clean. What a lucky lucky lady.

hire the cleaner!

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to not want a cleaner and I think this should be respected. It certainly doesn’t mean you are then expected to do all the cleaning! It’s perfectly do-able for two adults to clean a house with one baby, many people manage as single parents or with children with additional needs etc! Perhaps if you don’t mind spend some money on it you could look at outsourcing some jobs that don’t require cleaning in your house eg cleaning the car/ windows/ laundry/ ironing/ gardening

SMP is full salary for 6 weeks isn’t it?

Sorry, but I’m laughing at this in a shocked way. I bet you didn’t think you’d find yourself posting about your fanny in this thread!

But this isn't a situation where it just wouldn't be a good use of money. It's a situation where one person objects because they have an arbitrary, irrational hang-up. There's a big difference.

Anyone else with an earworm

“They all pat the bone, they all pat the bone eee I eee I they all pat the bone”

( except I used to teach they all wave at the bone because some people don’t know the difference between patting and thumping)

For what my advice is worth, if I was to give any advice to cohabiting people (married, not married, platonic, anything house share situation really), it would be to get a cleaner if you can afford it. It's more than worth it to cut down on disagreements about cleaning, or even just to cut down on the negotiations about who cleans what etc, which can be tiresome it itself. I would get over your apprehension to have a stranger in your house if I were you. Your wife wants one, and I'm not surprised when you've got a newborn. She will resent you if you stop her from having one, as she'll then need to do a share of the cleaning (unless you'll do it all), when she'd prefer to pay someone else to do it. Get the cleaner.

And btw, I've had cleaners for 20 years, and not had any problems with any of them. Most people I know have cleaners, I've never heard a horror story, so I don't think you'd have anything to worry about.

You think it’s arbitrary and irrational but clearly the OP doesn’t or she wouldn’t be posting it.

I could think it’s just as arbitrary and irrational that my wife elects not to spend money we can afford on a cook, when spending that money would save us time and bother. (I don’t but that’s not the point)

It’s all relative…

Cleaner here , think if your feeling uncomfortable the cleaner will be too ! What you have to remember is most cleaners are on a time limit, and the only thing they have on their mind is to be able to clean within said time frame . I haven’t a problem with not going into certain rooms . The first time your cleaner will be there, they will be them assessing the property and what is possible and basically the layout ! To be honest the best way of acquiring your cleaner is by word of mouth!

Also relative that spending money on a cleaner is a good use of money.

I think its a waste of money.

Why is it @OhMammaMia ?

Op is in a same sex couple, for her that’s the norm not the exception. She may not think to / or feel she has to start every post with “BTW I’m a lesbian / bi woman”

Except that you don't share the cleaner ing at the moment. So your wife is doing it all? Albeit temporarily and for good reason.

Why not try a cleaner for a few weeks until things are more normal and you can share the burden again? By all means make sure one of you if there while the cleaner is if that makes it less worrying.

Newborns are hard for both parents. A cleaner might just make the difference. If you can afford it then what's the harm in at least trying?

....and ought to make no difference whatsoever to the question. (Although strangely it seems to have made all the difference. 🤔)

Cannot wait to see how all the just do it youselfers respond to op update

Not being able to physically clean herself is a fairly significant drip feed but doesn’t change my view which was get a bloody cleaner. If anything, I’d say it’s even more important 🤷‍♀️

@PegasusReturns

Why get a cleaner when the op should just be doing it all themselves?

Cause the wife can't be arsed

If your wife wants a cleaner to cover her share of the household duties that seems fair enough to me. It seems a bit precious to worry about someone being in your house. However if it really bothers you and you would prefer to cover her share of the work yourself that seem fair enough too.

Yes. Domestic staff make life easier. Not sure that means we all get to have them and I'm not sure it's the norm. Most of us maintain our own gardens, cook our own food etc.

If you can afford a cleaner and the current set-up is causing tensions, as it sounds like it is, just get one.
No babies in the mix in my household, but everyone living here would agree that it’s the best money we spend.
Ignore the ‘ I spent all day with a baby on my back while I hoovered/washed clothes with stones in the river/dug a well for water’ crowd.

We have a cleaner. She comes once a week and does the kitchen, bathrooms, floors and is happy to do specific things too. I might ask her to clean the fridge or something. She doesn't go in the office or my boys bedrooms.

I'm always at home when she's here too. We have a quick natter then I find something to do whilst she's busy. It all works really well. I say go for it.

It’s bizarre, why should one person’s thoughts and feelings be totally disregarded. That’s not how couples work. All those who want a cleaner, brilliant you’re perfectly entitled to have one of that’s what is decided in your household. Perhaps suggest to your wife that you stay home with baby and do some cleaning during the day and she goes back to work

@lightcurtains i got a cleaner during pregnancy and then mat leave and it has been amazing. Kept her as i went back to work. When on mat leave i stayed at home most of the time though upstairs if she's downstairs and vice versa. My dh used to do most of the cleaning pre baby. But the way we saw it was... at the weekend or evenings we can either spend 2hrs cleaning or can spend 2hrs as a family and we prioritised family time. Actually getting her during mat leave is ideal as that gives you a few months to get used to the cleaner.

Wow if you think that’s what housework involves in your house I can see why you need a cleaner. We have an automatic washing machine and mains water plumbed into it!