DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

Regardless of the new baby , mat leave . Same sex or not .. if someone in that house isn't comfortable with a stranger in the house for whatever reason then that's it , we couldn't afford to keep our cleaner up so we just live a little bit messier while we deal with kids and working .. at least know one feels uncomfortable.

Yabu

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Right now we are quite on top of things. But it could be better. Things have slipped a little bit, especially when I had to go back into hospital.
We are lucky the baby stays asleep with the Hoover on..!

I've spoken to DW today about this and her response was "I'd clean before the cleaner gets here anyway!"
That's exactly what would end up happening.
No doubt she'd say we both need to get 'stuck into the cleaning' the night before the cleaner is due!

I think @Youdoyoutoday’s advice is very sensible, @lightcurtains.

I wonder also whether it might make you more comfortable with having a cleaner in, if you decide which rooms they will and won’t clean - for example, if you weren’t comfortable with them being in the bedroom, or your bathroom, you could get them to leave those rooms out. Even if they just do the kitchen, baby’s room and lounge/dining room, that takes a big chunk of the cleaning off your plates, and would help.

Why are you so aggressive in all of your replies?! Good grief!

@lightcurtains From experience the “cleaning before the cleaner comes” drops off very quickly……

I tidy before the cleaners come, because the more clear surfaces there are, the more they can do.

@PatientlyWaiting21

Why are you so aggressive in all of your replies?! Good grief!

Projection at it's finest.....

I felt a bit like this before finding a cleaner and turned down an offer from somebody I worked with to do cleaning at my house (she did cleaning jobs in addition to what she did in the office) because that was too weird for me.

If you can afford it, it's worth trying to see how it feels in practice vs. how you anticipate it'll feel.

You can work your way through cleaners/ cleaning companies until you find someone who is OK for you (or conclude that the stress of anyone unknown in your space isn't worth the trade off of doing less cleaning yourself). You can negotiate with them about what you want them to do, in what order [mine seemed to want to dust skirting boards, which is IMO a waste of time, so that got put to the bottom of the list]

Another option would be thinking about things you can do so you need to do less cleaning - would eg. brushing the dog more frequently mean you could vacuum less? replacing carpet with tiles? etc.

I had exactly the same thoughts as you - until I had a cleaner 😁 It’s great, if you can find a good one. Sadly mine moved on and as we live out in the sticks I’ve not found another ☹️

My DH had some initial reservations about getting a cleaner. We sort of shared the cleaning in terms of the weekend 'we're both full on cleaning for the next 1-2 hours' but I don't think that really took into account many many other things I do every single day - the vast majority of the cooking and laundry, plus I work significantly longer hours than him. He said we can keep sharing the cleaning. Nope, not a chance on the hours I work, he can do the lot or we get a cleaner. To be fair she doesn't have a key, we make sure one of us is wfh that day, but we're not in any way checking up on her, just in our respective offices working whilst she gets on with her job.

You need to get over yourself. If you can afford a cleaner you should of already have got her one.

I don't think it is projection, I agree with who said this, u sound very defensive too

@lightcurtains Honestly this thread made me dispair at people’s assumptions because it says miserable things about how cis relationships tend to work. My own included. My OH does the cooking but that’s it and he leaves a mess everywhere he goes. We have a son and I’m determined he’ll show more respect than that. After you’re c-section I think you should treat yourself to a cleaner. You’ll be extra shattered after work and won’t be able to help as much as you are now - I have one and it’s a godsend x

If I had the money I would definitely hire a cleaner!

It’s just one less thing you and DW have to do and you may both be able to have some free time after work for a change.

I get why’d you’d not be comfortable. Not everyone likes having strangers in their homes.

I’d see if you can get a cleaner as a one off or a couple of times as a trial. Obviously you need to let them know it’s not an ongoing thing beforehand.

You may both like it and want to carry on it you may hate it and decide to try other things instead.

You need to get over yourself. If you can afford a cleaner you should of already have got her one.

Why?
OP’s DW is on mat leave so is home most of the day.

If you don't like the idea of the cleaner going into every room, why don't you get them just to do the downstairs or reception rooms and kitchen, whilst YOU clean the private part of your house like bedroom?

Your wife needs all the support she can get. A cleaner will not only help, it might also be good for her to have the company of another adult when you are at work. If your wife is happy, why does it disturb you?

Why would you not mention on the first post that it was you who had the baby? Seems a strange omission. Maybe nothing on Mumsnet is actually true.

haven’t read the full thread so someone else might have said this…perhaps once you’ve met the cleaner and you/your DW has been in the house for the clean a few times it might feel a but different as the cleaner won’t be a stranger any more? My DH has WFH since before lockdown but our cleaner is happy to clean around him…he just swaps rooms when she comes upstairs. Honestly, once you get over the initial awkwardness it’s a godsend when you’re a new parent. In regards to your wife’s comments about cleaning before the cleaner, that’s the best way to do it to a certain extent…we make sure the house is tidy and kitchen sides are clear, toys in their place etc so that she can do a much more thorough deep clean. I now happily leave a key for the cleaner if we’re not home and would 100% trust her. It wouldn’t be worth her while to make people doubt her trust. In fact first couple of times she came she brought her sister along and it dawned on me that she probably felt a bit vulnerable and awkward being alone in the house with DH, particularly as he had arranged her coming etc so she had never met me, so it works un both directions!

I’m with you OP. You don’t need a cleaner. It’s easy to find time to clean when you’re home all day with a baby. It’s harder when they get older and there’s toys everywhere and they want you to play with them ALL the time. I’ve found it much harder getting stuff done with a six year old than I did with a baby.

I have a big house and it was easily manageable. I did it all, DH did none. I was at home, he wasn’t so it made sense.

Ps we also kept her on throughout my adoption leave because I found it even harder to keep on top of the house with a baby around so ignore everyone saying ‘but why would you need one, she’s at home all day’ if you’ve got a baby that takes long naps and/or is happy to be put down for long periods. Ours wasn’t either so keeping on top of the housework was an added stress

What difference does it make to my post about getting a cleaner?

I have a housekeeper she is worth her weight in gold , she's been with us for 13 years when I had my first child .. I have 4 children now and couldn't manage without her , she's trust worthy and leaves the house spotless, she also does our ironing, top up shopping she come 3 times a week and is like family now .. you will soon get used to it , go though an agency and make sure they are CRB checked ..if you find a good cleaner never let them go they are like gold dust!

I'm not sure I understand why people have said I am defensive and aggressive in my replies .. maybe it comes across that way when it's written down and how I write, but I'm certainly not feeling aggressive, defensive or anything like that when I'm responding to replies.